Rants

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Oh, dear Christ. Now on top of everything, I have to go to work and deal with people, even though it's a public holiday.
FML. Seriously.

I just found out that at work, there soon won't be any more paper paychecks. Next month, it's either direct deposit or something like an ATM card. I think that this is a stupid move by corporate, as I used my paper pay stubs to report my income to Social Security. I only hope that they at least send pay stubs, when I switch to direct deposit because it's really the easier option as I don't trust the card thing.

I also don't get why Social Security keeps saying they don't have my December income when I've mailed them the pay stub, and went down to the office to show them the stubs, and the letter they sent when they mailed me back the pay stub. I only hope that going down to the office has stopped this thing, but I doubt it. This started when they switched to the system where you report income by phone. I can only imagine more headaches from dealing with those idiots now that the pay system at work is changing.

I want to go home. Last night, I returned to my old school for senior prom. Even though I was outed as autistic and I have seen tremendous prejudice there, I was welcomed. No one treated me any differently, which is more than I can say for my family. I know where I belong: with outcasts, misfits, losers, artists, gays, lost souls, the poor, the wierd, the unwanted. Twenty-four hours ago, I had stepped back into my life as easily as I would a pair of shoes. I was part of a community of society's thrown-away people. Now I am only one, isolated and alone. I have a nice, well-adjusted, normal family, but I bear the scars of a "childhood" that was one long battle for selfhood, an unending struggle against forced normality. I have too many scars to fit their image. Funny how those disreputable kids they never liked are the ones who seem to want me around, while my respectable parents will be secretly relieved every time I find a reason not to come home for Christmas. I am too damaged to have a normal life. No matter how hard I try, I always end up lashing out. It is so easy for people who have not had to fight every day of their lives to push the buttons of people who have. When I have to be around "nice people" I turn good days into bad ones at the drop of a hat. I want to be with other people made considerate by suffering, accepting by being judged, compasionet by being left out in the cold, people who are greatful for what they have because they have not always had everything they needed. Is family the people who bring one into the world or the people who love one, not the fun, sociable, respectable person one might become with the right therapies? Is it the people who wish I could visit more often or those who see me every day and look forward to my departure? How much does blood count for now that most of the realatives who offered me unconditonal love are dead?

Wondering why I studied Multimedia. It's too vague a choice. 3 years of studying for nothing. I haven't really got any specialist skills. I know a little bit about alot of things, photography, html, GUI design, but after 3 years of studying it can't get me a better job than what I started with in the first place. Aargh! Just saw a photography job advertised, but they said you need good people skills, something I don't have. I can take good photos, but don't make me talk to anyone about it.

I almost forgot my lunch money at school today.
My coach barely let me play in the baseball game again. I'm starting to get the feeling he doesn't want me on the team.
I called my friend to go see a movie with me this weekend. I had told him on Saturday I was going to call him about this, and he said he would go with me. When I called him, he said he was busy. And this wasn't the first time either. This has been repeating since the last time he did anything with me, in January.
When you're starting to think your day would make a good blues song, you know something's wrong.

Anyone ever get a sunburn on a cloudy day? :insert generic rage:

I should be the last person to ask this question, but why do looks matter so much, in the 21st Century? You have to look like a model, if you're a woman. You have to be buffed and well-toned, if you're a man. Why can't we go back to a time, when looks didn't matter? You can't have your hair dyed any colour, but blond. It's crazy.

I've made a stupid rant, and I rest my case, about looks, because I caught myself posting this, in another thread, here, in The Haven. I'm just as bad as NTs, when it comes to looks.

i like to have boiled eggs for breakfast,
i like to boil them for 3 minutes, and i prepare a slice of toast which i butter carefully, and i cut the toast into 6 strips.
i like to chop the tops off the eggs and dip my toast strips into them and eat the part of the toast strip that i dipped in the soft yolk.

usually, the top of the egg is very soft, and it gets progressively harder as i work my way to the bottom of the egg.
the yolk at the bottom of the egg is too hard to be scraped up by the toast, so i drop a small knob of butter into the almost finished egg, and i mix it with the hard yolk to make a delightful paste that i scoop out with a teaspoon and eat.

recently, the eggs that i have bought are difficult to determine the narrow end from the wide end of, and i have put them upside down in my eggcup because i can not determine which is the top of the egg. then when i chop the "upper end" of the egg off, i see that the yolk is hard, and that throws my routine completely out of order.

i am outraged when my boiled eggs are chopped off at the bottom (by me who has put them upside down due to the symmetry of the egg) , and i can not think of who to complain to.

I HATE MY DAD!! !! I HATE HIM SO MUCH!! ! TELLING EM NOT TO CRY! CALLING ME A CRY BABY!! ! WELL I'M SORRY!! ! I WAS THE ONE WHO GOT HIT DAY AFTER DAY BY YOU!!

HITTING ME SO HARD I ALWAYS HEARD A CRACKING SOUND ON MY HEAD AS YOUR FISTS WOULD POUND!! ! MAKING MY VISION GO WHITE AND ALMOST KNOCKING ME UNCONSCIOUSNESS!! !

i HOPE YOU DIE!! ! AND WHEN YOU FINALLY DO DIE EVEN IF IT TAKES 20 YEARS CAUSE OF YOUR GOOD HEALTH. I WILL I PROMISE I WILL SPIT ON YOU WHEN I SEE YOUR DISCUSSING FACE IN THE COFFIN!! !

YOUR LUCKY I WONT POOP ON YOUR FACE.

I HATE YOU!! !

YOU TOOK MY TRUST MONEY AND TOOK EVERYTHING ! !

I HATE YOU!! !
I HATE YOU!! !

I HATE YOU!! !
I HATE YOU!! !
I HATE YOU!! !
I HATE YOU!! !
I HATER YOU!!

YOU TRUCKING BASTERED!!

OH I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW!! ! I REALLY HATE YOU!! !


I WISH I COULD CALL THE COPS ON YOU AND PUT YOU AWAY WHERE YOU BELONG. BUT SADLY I CANT TAKE CARE OF MYSELF HAVE NO WHER ETO GO SO IM STUCK WATCHIGN YOU DISTROY NOT JUST MY LIFE BUT MY FAMILYES LIFE.

YOU MORGATED AWAY OUR HOME ON STUPID IDEAS OF MAING A NEW BUISSNESS. I TOLED YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN!. BUT BECAUS EI SAID IT FIRST YOU HAD TO DO THE OPPISET. SO NOW BOTH BUISSNESS ARE CLOSED WE HAVE NO MONEY AND ARE LOSING THE HOUSE CAUSE OF YOU!! !

YOUR LIKE A TEENAGER!!1 GOD ! !!

iN FACT A TEENAGER IS MORE LOGICAL AND EVEN MINDED!!I I DONT KNOW WHAT TO COMAPIR YOU TOO!! !

OHH I AM SO MAD AT YOU!!

YOU THRETWENED TO LOCK ME UP IN A STATE INSTITUTION IF I TOOK TO LONG TO GET OVER MY BREAK DOWN. THE TRUTH IS YOU DIDNT LIKE THAT I WAS GETTING BETTER WHEN I WAS AWAY FROM YOU INT HE MENTAL HOSPITAL SO YOU HAD TO PUT A STOP TO THAT DIDNT YOU!! YOU SICK SORRY SUN OF A BILLY GOAT!! !!

I'm starting to feel a little better!

oh hate you dad... i keep askign god to help me forgive you caus ei dont want to be angry. cause that means i'm liek you. i dont want to be like you. now i cant sleep and i will be all tired come tomorrow when i have a therapy apointment. i havent slept in 24 hours so ireally needed some rest. but you mae shur ei am to upset to sleep.

oh i really hate you.

i dont want to be angry. i want to forgive him. how can i forgive and forget when he is the same? i want to be sad not angry. i dont like being angry and i never hate anyone. and i dont liek hating him..

i will pray for him to get better instead and his life to improve.

that helped i am not angry anymore. i will pray for him when i am angry . but venting helped to.

thanks op for this thread.

Something is SERIOUSLY wrong with my dad.

I think he ate some bad shrooms or something.

I mean Thursday I get into a driving incident where I dont see the red light in time and I get caught in an intersection with cross traffic. Terrified me the whole weekend and I refused to drive.

Then I start driving again today and I failed to stop in time for a stopped school bus.

My dad is telling me "it's fine get over it, and be careful next time".

I'm REALLY terrified of driving now. In less than a week I have commited two really horrid driving close calls by my own lack of attention span that could've endangered lives even if no one was hit. It doesnt matter if I didnt get seen by cops in both incidences. The school bus one I'm 99% sure got reported. I'm going to likely be charged $1000 and get my license suspended and my dad is telling me to get over myself? I told him I didn't want to drive to school tomorrow and he's demanding that I do?!

What happens if tomorrow I'm driving the car that got reported and the police are being told to look for it?

Man, what the--- I mean, come on. If this were my mom she would totally bust something. Does my dad not think for a second that having these incidences occur within 4 days of each other scream "something is really wrong here with my daughter"?

I seem to be punishing myself more than he is. But oh well, let's see how he feels when the school bus violation ticket arrives.

My aunt who lives in California is here for a visit. She is the most freakin' NT person I know. Her oldest son, I have no problem with is ok. Her oldest daughter however really pisses me off. The last time she was here, she just kept cracking AS jokes, and talked down to all people who have AS. She would know how to anyways with her mother. She also happens to have all honors classes at UCLA, and she rubbed that in my face. My aunt seems to enjoy this, I just wish it would stop.

My land in SL still hasn't sold and I'm really sick of paying monthly tier fees on it. But I don't want to abandon it either as I at least want some money back. Why is the SL land market so crap?!