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02 Nov 2023, 12:46 pm
02 Nov 2023, 12:49 pm
02 Nov 2023, 12:51 pm
02 Nov 2023, 12:54 pm
02 Nov 2023, 7:31 pm
blitzkrieg wrote:
KitLily wrote:
r@y wrote:
Oh, a rant thread. Perfect. I just pissed off a (hopefully) friend and I don't know how to make it better. I'm sure it was my fault, but I don't know what to do because I don't understand relationships with humans.
What I decided to do when people go like that is ask them. 'You seem angry (or whatever emotion you think it is), is everything okay?' I don't know if it works because the last time I interacted regularly with humans was in 2011, but I thought I'd try it next time I make them angry.
2011 is a long time ago, KitLily.
For an autistic person, time is like "timeless".
In 2011 I helped build a forum very similar to this one, sometimes I search for my quotes then the logo of the forum I chose appears..that I chose, and the logo has a memory, perhaps it still remembers me!Ah! Until 2010 I hated IT so the computer remained turned off and I read, I read a lot of books, I wrote, I drew, I calculated, I invented (I didn't yet know how much it cost to patent), I listened to the radio and Jazz, I wrote reviews in text messages, mine were read on the first National Radio.
For me it's like 2011 is...now.
For a person with Neurotypicality, it is past extreme instead.
In 2018 I was writing in a forum to which I had been summoned because they wanted to reconstruct the old users (bring them back to life).
I wrote there in 2010.
Some had a different nickname, but I recognized their writing style so I privately asked if it matched.
The first question they asked me was: who I was!
They didn't remember what was the past for them, they only perceived "the now".
I think that time for a person with autism does not exist.
Both as a sort of temporal continuum.
We start and poof!
We'll meet again in 2023.
And it's not that in 13 years I haven't turned my entire life upside down.
This sentence of mine brought to mind a sentence pronounced I believe in 2010 on TED TV by Jacob Barnett.
He said that to be admitted to University at a very early age he learned entire school years.... in 2 weeks.
We are always late, but sometimes we still arrive first.
The important thing is that there is a climb to allow us to do it.
We fall while standing still, they tell us to get back on the bike, we do it disheartened, then we start to recover from being last and start overtaking everyone, and... we do it uphill, struggling absurdly.
<>
1994 Marco Pantani falls and hurts his knee, bleeding.
He is 24 years old, no one in France knows him except the experts.
Finally he pedals for 100 km, then catches everyone and.
13 years ago I didn't even know how to use an ATM.
I didn't interact with anyone.
Then it happens that your special year begins, and you start learning everything that until then didn't interest you at all.
As Carlo Rovelli (Astrophysicist) says, time does not exist.
I only know that it has a verse, and it's the one where I put the arrow and overcome whatever is in front of me.
Puff!
I turn around and see my past...Wow!
Once I answered
as in Tantrum cold to a discussion of another autistic in a forum of 20,000 non-autistics: and it was about crazy people.
The title was serious, but I wrote a very strange story about a bouncing ball.
Maybe here's what changes over the years is that before you were too young... then it goes away eh!
p.s.: In the meantime my parents died, poof, poof.
But I'm alexithymic, maybe this helps me.
Huckleberry Finn
Last edited by Cornflake on 03 Nov 2023, 7:54 am, edited 1 time in total.: Fixed quoting
03 Nov 2023, 3:34 am
Huckleberry Finn wrote:
For an autistic person, time is like "timeless".
I have read about the different perception of time.
I'm very sorry to hear about the death of your parents. I hope writing it down here in the Haven is carthartic and I don't say the wrong thing in response to it.
03 Nov 2023, 8:32 pm
r@y wrote:
Huckleberry Finn wrote:
For an autistic person, time is like "timeless".
I have read about the different perception of time.
I'm very sorry to hear about the death of your parents. I hope writing it down here in the Haven is carthartic and I don't say the wrong thing in response to it.
In the meantime, thank you for your solidarity. Let's see: I'll try to explain.
From the point of view of having done everything possible to help them, I can say that I have truly done everything I could do.
I therefore do not perceive feelings of guilt (many have them, sometimes even when their actions cannot lead to solutions not even temporary, since medicine is a special interest of mine, this had a great impact on concrete help).
I wrote about the fact that I am alexithmic and therefore do not understand my emotions, if not very few. I only had a few minutes in which it cry, then it passed, and I reacted quickly to help them.
I am not empathetic, unless I understand rationally. I am when I read for example. For example, I am empathetic towards many of you here on the forum, and I thank you for thinking to me.
My logical part worked very intensely in the reaction, but not perceiving emotions in a legible way, I really don't feel them, or I don't understand them (perhaps this is more true).
<>
On time that passes differently for we autistic people, I hypothesize that it happens often. For example, when I read Kitlyli's post, I thought it was the exact same thing for me too.
In these 13 years I have learned so many things.
But if you tell me to think about old things years, for me it is as if time has remained still as if under a sort of spell.
I can also access it to relive it. Mentally. I notice that this does not happen for neurotypical people.
Even my partner who had a better memory than mine in some things, now she has deficits, probably related to an accident that put her in a coma At 16 years old (She had fallen from the motorbike and in an accident hit her head on the pavement).
She has forgotten much of her past and built a mind incredible. I consider her memory better than mine in some ways. I remember knowing her as a child. We were both children. Then she changed city and region. We had completely different lives.
She is NT with a special mind. We met again for case, almost 12 years ago. Funny because you know how to do things that I don't even understand.
While I know how to do things that you aren't interested in. Yesterday you asked me to quote you some numbers in sequence.
We were programming a piece of equipment. You know that I remember numbers. A few million letters and numbers, codes.
Sometimes she asks me why I study numbers.
In reality I don't study anything about numbers: I just remember them.
She doesn't like them. Sometimes I ask her to describe numbers to me. things that happen to people, things that I don't understand.
I do it as a child would do it: naively.
Sometimes I realize that I am studying human behavior, which cannot be precisely standardized at all.
But I do it to understand them, they are those strange beings which are called Neurotypical, you know, those affected by neurotypicality
Huckleberry Finn
04 Nov 2023, 3:56 pm
11 Nov 2023, 10:57 am
11 Nov 2023, 11:31 am
11 Nov 2023, 11:38 am
14 Nov 2023, 6:46 am
14 Nov 2023, 7:43 am
KitLily wrote:
Not really a rant. Just despair. I am just a burden to my family, I earn hardly anything, I have weird health problems, I don't get on with people or make useful connections. We are nearly out of money. How are we going to afford to move house next year?
My family would be better off without me. I will try and hang on til January when we put our house on the market, see if that brings any hope of a better life. I don't know what I'll do if we can't move away from here. Probably just walk off into the countryside and disappear.
My family would be better off without me. I will try and hang on til January when we put our house on the market, see if that brings any hope of a better life. I don't know what I'll do if we can't move away from here. Probably just walk off into the countryside and disappear.
Aw, don't be disappearing into the countryside on us, KitLily!
WP needs you.
14 Nov 2023, 9:00 am
14 Nov 2023, 10:02 am
The doubt in my head. Of making the choice for my future.
Maybe this is type of fear of uncertainty, where you're literally out of your comfort zone, in which the choice is inevitably life altering.
To go to a place where you have no clue what's on the other side. To rip yourself out of everything you've known for so long.
Yeah, I think... I felt this before.
At least once.
It was when I made the decision of returning back to school after years of not going to school.
Except this time...
This isn't a recovery from burnout.
DuckHairback
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Joined: 27 Jan 2021
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,572
Location: Durotriges Territory
14 Nov 2023, 11:49 am
