Rants

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Yeah that's sh*t man.

Nobody knows the lengths I had to go through to retrieve that bag of southern coated chicken goujons out of the deep freeze in Aldi yesterday. I almost ended up head first and legs akimbo in that freezer. If that's not bad enough there are two less pieces of chicken in the bag than there usually is. I mean wtf are you supposed to do if there's an even number of people in your house but an odd number of f*****g chicken goujons. FFS! I'm not even joking. Not only did I have to go through jeopardy to get them but yet again shrimpflation has given me another kick in my c*nt.

When you try to accomplish anything from your telephone call to-do list, but the calls never resolve anything you're trying to do and you have to keep ringing back another day or waiting two weeks for them to do what they're supposed to (only to discover they don't do it, and they claim they never said they would), or else you call them back and wait an hour on hold before they tell you something different from the first (or second or third) times, so you have to start all over again and keep the damned task on your to-do list for like two months for each freaking phone call you make, ever, because of the incompetence of morons who don't know how to do their god-damned jobs but get paid for the time you waste doing their ***** jobs for them.

Oh yeah, not only do I have to sell my car to pay a f*****g tax bill, I finally got in it shape to sell and its suddenly started making a really weird noise that's going to put anyone off buying it.

Just f*ck off world, you can get in the bin! F.U.C.K.Y.O.U.

I had to pay my former employer $500 by cheque to be allowed to retire in January. Apparently they didn't deduct enough for my pension deductions back in like, the other millennium, but they just discovered it a month ago and gave me ten days to pay up or I wouldn't be allowed to retire.

And my car keys with all the house keys on them have been missing for like two weeks. I'm using a spare single car key and I have no keys to get into the house but the kids keep locking me out any time I go anywhere so I have to stand in the cold ringing the flipping doorbell while they're listening to music and can't hear me.


Here's the single car key I get to carry around and use:



(Mind the hair) ^


Because hey, my son had a meltdown about five years ago and threw it, and the beeper thing with the casing broke off so it's been held together with tape and no beeper ever since. We call it "the bad key" and only use it for emergencies like when the kids lose my real keys and all the house keys as described above.

Getting a new, spare real key is apparently $700 so we never bothered.

Well I'm just glad it's not a competition to see who's got it worse. I f*****g hate that sort of thing me.

We used to have this woman at work and I swear to god if I told her that I've got a black cat she would always have an even blacker cat.

I f*****g hate it when virgin media email me asking for feedback.

Isn't it enough f*****g feedback that I pay my bill every month and I'm still with them.

F*ck off bombarding me with this sh*t.