Rants

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Stupid local politics.
I could care less which party is which and who's killing who or who's getting more what.

If they don't want whatever, then don't!
If they want to sabotage whatever party, go on! It says more about them.

A lot of citizens would kill themselves for a sliver of whatever give aways they're either depriving others over.

And those people playing these stupid games? They don't fricking care except whose side is whose.
And I'm very clear that I side with neither...


Oh, and I'm not afraid to 'die' because of it. That's more like a THEM problem.



I don't mind working for nothing.
Because I'm just so, so bored.
That's really it, really; because I got nothing to do in this life but 'wait'.

But this? This is annoying.
If this stupid game goes too far, I'd start wrecking havoc in ways they wouldn't ever understand.

Because I'm fricking bored and this is annoying.
I'd be bored and annoyed at the end of time while everyone's panicking, afraid or angry due to the afrairs of this so called world.

I'd just be very annoyed for not letting me do my damn job or losing any means of letting me do any job.
I could care less about the money or prestige or whatever shite. Just stop fricking annoying me before I start choosing violence.


Trust what party? Side what side?
They're all humans. Of course I trust and side with none of them.

My "job" is indiscriminate.
And would stay that way no matter who's who.


And no, I'm not stupid or ignorant of how politics affects whatever locale and livelihood.

I know what tribalism is, I know what collectivism is, I know what group think is, and I know mass beliefs could do to people and certain individuals.

It's just that... Humans, is all.

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I spent a lot of time studying the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" and the "ICD-11 Clinical Descriptions and Diagnostic Guidelines for Mental, Behavioural and Neurodevelopmental Disorders." Based on my research, I suspect that I might have paranoid personality disorder and Asperger's syndrome.
However, I am reluctant to seek professional help at a hospital, which makes me feel that my previous studies were a waste of time.

I often feel offended but struggle to determine if these offenses are malicious or just jokes. This uncertainty may indicate that the external world is malicious, or that I have Asperger's syndrome.

I also frequently recall these situations and believe that many people treat me with malice, which worries me that this could be a symptom of paranoid personality disorder.

This world and I, one of us must be ill.

^thanks

rant, how does it take a week to know if the dog can be pensionned? agenda-wise
only one week to go now
omg, eating away the time


the early secured place decided this month to the silent treatement,
i guess someone of higher social value took the spot
- there's always something, sigh

I want a complete downgrade on emotional expressions, not 'upgrade' it.

I don't want to 'express more', I want less.


Not fighting it is a gamble.
But fighting it takes a toll or ineffective.

I just want to be in control, not my emotions controlling me.

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Dad.
Why are you asking your chronically ill daughter to drive 45 minutes to drive YOU somewhere that is local to you?

I love you dearly, dad, but I feel you don’t understand.
I’m mad at you. I am sobbing because of you.
You know your girlfriend of 2 years better than you know your own children. You don’t put in the effort you very well should.

You only like to be present for us when it’s having fun. That’s how it feels. You need to be present for anything. Good and bad, sad and mad.

I can’t come to you if I’m sad. I can’t come to you if i’m proud. You ignore and you disconnect. I try and tell you I’m mad? I can’t. You don’t understand.

You seem to have never tried to form an emotional connection with your child.
An emotional connection now feels… impossible.

The negligence I have felt from you, even when you are near, is simply heartbreaking.

If you eventry and make an excuse, I will be in even more devastation than I am now. I am not attempting to guilt you in any way, I am only speaking the truth.

A simple “I’m sorry” is not acceptable. I cannot and will not accept.

I love you, Dad.

_________________
AuDHD
Neurofibromatosis Type II (NF2)

He/him they/them
~~~~~~~~~~

Feel free to send me a PM!

hours been cut the past couple months @ work. good thing my worthless corpse ain't got no children, car, or debt or anything like that, s**t.

been applying for other jobs: McDonald's, janitor, factory, warehouse. minimum wage, unskilled labor. that not many want. that someone has to do. jobs that are bad for the body (heavy lifting). angry customers. s**t.

right armpit and vulva, rashes for about ten years. sometimes itchy, esp legs. wearing shorts on the blanket, sometimes itchy or something.

thank buddha, it's july. feet have not been cold since march or so, and won't be cold until october. but, sooner or later, the winter comes. s**t.

exhausted all the time

can't concentrate, as a function of autism. extroverts/neurotypicals do not understand, and some of them act like they know everything.

"karen". most precious lil "people" act like they are so f*****g innocent, they have never done jack s**t wrong before.

worried about $$$

unearned income

don't know how to cook

zero job skills

zero "life" skills

hate how any old convicted felon could come to the parking lot @ work and bother me. too "public".

seriously regret by dismal academic performance

zero "friends".

F*** "tentative dates"

And whoever the f*** assumes that I'm in the damn office 24 fricking 7.


Just go f***ing away. I'm on my f***ing day off and you f***ing people knew better than to bother me.

I don't live in the damn office and I'm not a walking infodesk because f*** tentative dates.

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I swear that if it wasn't for the menopause some daytime television talk shows would have nothing to talk about

I mean I know it's nice to be able to talk about it but there's no need to flipping sensationalise it and sell it as if it's a new craze that women are only just buying in to

I mean it's at a point now where even the men are trying to muscle in on it with the male menopause or the manopause or whatever

Is nothing f*****g sacred!

Rant over

Oh ok well I've not heard of that

I'll shut my mouth then

They should call it dwindling

Good one that