Why do people on this forum always side with women?

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That sucks. I think that unfortunately happens quite often, although it shouldn't. Once people find a romantic partner, they often don't make time for their friends. Especially once they get married and have kids.

So don't try then? What else do you want me to say? Every suggestion is met with negativity. Why ask for advice, why try to talk to anyone if you just want to shoot every idea down that is offered to you?

It seems like no matter what anyone has to say, all you lonely guys have an excuse or reason it won't work even though it seems to work just fine for many other people. It just creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think some of you are more addicted to your self-pity than you might like to admit. Perhaps if you could give it up you might find both friendships and romantic relationships easier to establish. I get that depression and loneliness are real things (I have suffered from chronic clinical depression in the past, and I have known loneliness)--but if you give in to them then it will never get better, only worse. You have to be willing to do what you can to fight back the negativity and the vacuum of self-pity. I remember what it was like to be severely depressed, and it is in a way like an addiction--you get so accustomed to being miserable that it begins to feel normal, and then eventually to NEED it because it's so familiar and you feel like you don't know any other way to be anymore. It doesn't have to be that way, though. It's possible to fight your way back from that, and I as well as others here who have known depression are proof of that.

Or you could just ignore everything I just said and explain to yourself how nothing will ever work and it will never get better. Whatever. It's your life, do what you want with it. Be depressed, stew in your own self-pity if that does it for you. Just don't expect other people to want to stand around and watch you throw your life away because it's too hard to try basically anything anyone suggests. It's a seriously boring conversation to have over and over again.

I don't want you to say anything nor was I asking advice, I was just commenting on what you were saying about people not valuing friendships which is making the assumption that they have close friendships like that to 'devalue' to begin with. Generally guys don't have Sisterhood-of-the-Traveling-Pants/Fried Green Tomatoes type relationships with each other, it's much more superficial than that. I'm not sure what you think is being shot down by the way, I just don't have some unappreciated BFF. Once the social capital is gone it's hard to get back, I just don't think it is any easier finding this friend than it is finding a romantic partner. I'm not sure what type of reply you were expecting, way more self pity in other posts, I was just being honest.

And that's why I think friendships are worthless. Either you're #1 or you're expendable. I don't like being expendable.

That comment wasn't just for you, it was for all the guys devaluing friendships and going on and on about the same things no matter what anyone else says to you. Like I said, whatever, it's your life. Do what you want, have friends, don't have friends. It won't change anything for me either way.

If you don't care why comment in the first place? Seems like a waste of energy when you put it like that.

To me, that sounds like any hypothetical friend I could have would effectively commit me to never having a girlfriend, and thus it makes me want to have friends even less.

This exactly. If your rejecting every female that's not an 11 of 10 supermodel, then you are being as superficial as they are, about different things. If you want someone to love you for the person you are you must be willing to do the same back.

Your complaints shouldn't then be "I cant get a date" but "I cant get a date with a supermodel"

Both have significant value and cannot be replaced by the other. As someone with a wife but no friends I still have a void, though I wouldn't trade that void for a void in my relationship slot.

Some people simply cannot be fulfilled without a significant other. Friends can be great but you can't discuss everything with the that you can with a spouse, at least not as a guy usually. Then there's the physical aspect (both sexual and non-sexual) that friends do not fulfill.

Some people see relationships as just another friend with benefits sort of thing. I don't know if this is or isn't you. But some people simply need someone to be happy. I know I could not be happy single at all. I'd want to kill myself constantly. I've only been single for a year of my adult life and I wanted to die. I am a needy person and know this. Nothing wrong with it, just one way people can be very different..

Dude I cant agree more. As a 37yr old married man Ive had all of my male friends (which weren't many to begin with) go off and have kids and move on with life and not have time any more for any significant hanging out of any kind. I haven't made a new friend in 17 years. I've found a woman an got married since then. I'm 100% certain I'd have an easier time finding some chick to date (though none as awesome as my wife of course) than I would finding a male friend to chill with.

Don't most adult male friendships consist of pounding back copious amounts of hard liquor? I know mine always did. But you can still have some pretty meaningful friends who do that. I mean, it's not always easy for guys to get together and talk about real s**t, so sometimes you gotta get that liquor flowing.

Amen to that!

wilbur does this a lot, I'll chalk it up to some sort of aspie thing struggling to express herself or something since she say's she doesn't care, is bored, it's pointless, yada, yada, yada in every other post. I don't think she is a bad person, I just wish she was less contemptuous towards people that interact with her. Conversations go both ways, some people disagree with you on subjects that might upset you, some people on have a lot of trouble with this. Honestly I'm surprised I didn't get the venom from her in her first reply so progress!

FWIW wilbur, I do try to work on myself and in fact that is pretty much all I do since I don't have anything else and that has included medication and therapy but there is only so much available to adults here and it really pains me thinking about the absolute lack of opportunity I had growing up. I really feel like I was born at one of the worst times possible to be alive, better off earlier or later but I guess there is no point thinking about that. The place wasn't good either but nobody gets to choose. I feel the system has failed and abandoned me, as someone that has also struggled with depression I'd hope you'd understand someone might be a bit negative. I try not to be a wallower, I vent from time to time but I don't really look advice here since nobody honestly says anything here that isn't something everybody already knows. I'm well aware of my disability, it's not as simple as just turning it off and using the power of positive thinking to change everything. Now I get that maybe you were posting a generalized response towards the men of this site which while a bit ironic all things considered, but this was just my response and my opinion and my experience. Sorry.

There isn't s super model in my whole state. I don't live in California or me York.
I don't go after super hot chick or any woman I find attractive. As I've stated I can't use the male scale of woman hotness, to me a 2 might as well look the same as a 10.
Guys have always been look that ladies way more pretty then that other one, and I'm just like they look equally pretty to me. Not that I say so as I don't want to seem weirder. There's like 5% of the female population I find unattractive.

So either 95% of the females in my state are all 10s as you say or supermodels, I I have no way of telling a 10 from a 3. I just have unattractive and attractive. All the women I tried to date thought they were ugly I thought they were beautiful.

So when people tell me to consider people less attractive to my idea, that would mean dating people I have no attraction to and would never want to kiss or cuddle with. Which means lying to them constantly and faking the whole relationship. Something I can't do.

So what do I do then if I'm not good enough for 95% of women and I find the other 5% unattractive?

I think you're being extremely dismissive here and it's kind of offensive. You don't seem to realize how difficult it is for men to have extremely close friends they visit every day, yet don't live together. The modern lifestyle simply goes against it. Also, I don't know of any male I'd be comfortable living with.


Again. Damn offensive and dismissive. You are extremely lucky. You don't seem to realize how difficult it is to find such friends. It's more difficult than finding a romantic partner. That's why I found a romantic partner despite being asexual. I want real companionship, not someone who has time to get together once every month.

Don't be a f*****g ass to people in the Haven. If it's ever directed towards me I don't lay down and tolerate it. You don't sound like you even know what depression is. It isn't the same as low self-esteem or negativity. It literally saps your energy and makes it impossible to enjoy activities. You can't think your way out of it. It is physical. To indicate it is something I choose is beyond offensive. I'd smack someone in the face for implying it as I'd smack them for implying cancer is something someone chooses. That's how much it pisses me the f**k off.

I can talk about literally anything with my best friend. Even men and attraction, because he's gay and has similar taste in men to me. I've had boyfriends who I couldn't share as much of myself and my ideas and feelings with, even though I was sleeping with them. It really depends on the friendship. The more I talk to people here the more I feel sorry for everyone not being familiar with this kind of friendship. It's making me very sad that no one else seems to have friendships like this.

At the same time, it is also making me feel even more blessed than before, because now I really understand just how rare and precious my relationship with my best friend is. I wish you all could know what that kind of companionship is like. I wish I could wave a magic wand and give you all that, but I don't know how to do that, I don't have that power.