I am starting to hate this site.

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I have been to some in-person autism groups where people give and take constructive criticism.
Often, a bunch of people dissect the problems of one person to come up with something helpful for that person to act on.
This process is probably not easy for the person, as they will hear direct criticism of themselves and how they act and think, but the point is to figure out what is not working and what might work better, so it is necessary to not sugarcoat things and make the person look perfect and all their problems are others' faults.
I feel much more socially connected in such a group where everyone says frankly what they think and doesn't play social games than on wp, which is full of NT social behaviors that I am not good at participating in.

Well androbot, please then quote where I specifically said the other poster was avoiding improvement. If you made an effort to actually read what I wrote you will notice that the avoiding improvement part was in regard to many people on this site and not specifically that person, actually it was more to exclude that person from the criteria because I had only asked that person a question and people hijacked my interaction with him as if it was a me versus him kind of thing. Again it would have never come to this discussion had people not turned it into a conflict. But then again, you just don't listen and then try to turn everything on me.

heh, this thread reminds me of a little episode that happened in middle school. it pops up in my head from time to time, and it just popped up again

there was this new kid in the class, and the teacher made it a point to tell the class to be nice to him because he had lost both of his parents. fast forward to a few weeks later, it's math class, and i'm supposedly the smartest kid in the class. now, the orphan kid is struggling to learn, and he makes cringeworthy mistakes, but he's not stupid, and i can see that. they pair him up with me, and i think to myself, "well, i can do some good here, and show how i'm not an arrogant prick. this kid deserves all help he can get"

a few minutes into trying to help him with something fairly simple that he doesn't seem to grasp, i'm frustrated and i don't know what else to say. i think he needs extra help that i can't offer him. so what do i say? "okay i see that you're lagging behind in this subject. you'll probably need to do some catching up. maybe ask your parents at home to help you with it"

two seconds later all i wanted in the universe was a wall in front of me so i could bang my head on it until it exploded. WHY would i say something that stupid. WHY??... i'm supposed to be smart. WHYYYYY??!

luckily the kid was more emotionally mature than i was, and didn't take it personally. it still makes me cringe and blush every time i remember it though

Like I told B19, I am quite aware that my bluntness is not appreciated by some, but you are not helping me by just throwing accusations and me and misinterpreting what I write (seriously you guys seem to have the opposite of literal understanding and try to read it as if there is some kind of hidden maliciousness in it). What I require is evidence, evidence, evidence and if I cannot see how that evidence backs your supposition, you need to explain it thoroughly. I am like a PC or an AI that does not understand emotional though. If you say, "you are so insensitive how could you say that?" I will reply, how does my statement violate your sensitivities. Then if you say, "you were rude to a deaf person" I will ask how I was supposedly rude to a deaf person. Then if you reply, "can't you see the problems they have?" I will reply "problems have solutions". If you then say, "can't you not see how you were insensitive?" I will say, "so far you haven't been clear and brought no explanations forth, so therefore DOES NOT COMPUTE!". So where I am going at this or are you going to try to twist it around making me look like a villain, while trying to explain something with emotional intuition, when that is something I lack? I only can read faces and make standard response that boosts my likeability in real life. So you will experience me different in real life than on the internet.

i don't know if this was in response to my previous post, but i don't know what other posts it could be in response to, so i'm assuming it is

i don't know what about my post could be read as implying that you have malicious intentions. i really don't think you do, and not just because "i believe all people are good at heart" or something like that (i don't believe that at all), but because you show all signs that you're confused, and no sign that you want to cause harm. my point with my personal anecdote (if you can call it "a point". it was mostly a story that i felt like sharing, because it makes me feel less alienated when i do) is that i can partly relate to all sides of this discussion, yours included

you do have a problem that you refuse to acknowledge though, and... that is exactly your problem. refusing to acknowledge things. sure, everybody here is autistic. it's not nice to be rude and it's not okay to be pushy with vulnerable people, but it is okay to make mistakes, and it's understandable and even predictable that you (and many others here, me included) would make that particular kind of mistake

but you need to admit that you (just like everyone else) make mistakes, and you need to always keep that in mind when you act, because that much is not an assumption, it's a certainty and a fact. when someone criticizes you, unless you already know for a fact that they're wrong (emphasis on "know for a fact". belief doesn't count), you need to give them the benefit of the doubt

that's why i said that "when people get angry with you, you shouldn't insist", unless you actually want to participate in angry argument for the sake of it (which i don't expect you would). if there's any possibility that they're right to be angry, or if you simply don't understand why they would be angry, the best thing to do is apologize, back down, and think about it on your own. if you feel misjudged and misunderstood, don't take it out on those who you feel misjudged by, because it will only make them angrier and even less inclined to hear your side. it's a no-win

venting outside of the original situation while keeping the original participants out of it is actually not a bad thing though. you do need an escape valve for your frustrations and you do need input from someone, after all. but if all you want to do is vent, then make it clear, and don't give a chance for criticism. and, conversely, if you do want or ask for input, you need to accept criticism for its face value and then draw your own conclusions from it, or else there's no point to it

It wasn't a response to your post.

However, it is unusual that I mostly only have problems with other autistics. Many NTs do not turn petty things into huge conflicts or show themselves to be sensitive to my actions. Actually, my relation to NTs is far better than with autistics. Maybe the problem is that I cannot deal with autistics, which wouldn't really be a problem because WP and one friend irl are the only times I have to deal with autistic people.

Additionally, you lecture me about criticism when you should know that it pretty much goes for everyone else on this site. And "you were insensitive [no reason why stated]" is not criticism, it is an accusation. Criticism has clear arguments on why a claim about someone else is valid. "Because others were also offended" does not prove validity as it could also just be their problem if no explanation is provided.

Last edited by Aniihya on 28 Jul 2016, 2:38 pm, edited 3 times in total.

well, i hope you got something from my reply anyway

because if you didn't, then, well... you know the drill. "irony"

i never suggested or implied that it doesn't. on the contrary


irony it is. if you want to be a special snowflake, then glhf

The amount you use irony, yet are not even capable on reflecting on yourself either (because I am supposedly not self-aware in the eyes of autists).

Why would you be upset that you told the truth? I mean what you told him was very true and he likely didn't get upset because not everyone is a little pansy that can't handle the truth. Why would you go out of your way to try and treat people different? That isn't equality, that's acting superior. If you have to change how you talk for someone else's comfort then what if such a thing affects your own? Does that not equally matter? I mean, what if one feels that saying anything else but the truth, honest to goodness how it comes out of your head, is not honest? What if the person saying these things feels obligated. Let's say they have OCD. So then who has the overriding disability? Oh there isn't one? Then let's not create the slippery slope to begin with and just be honest and get all of the BS out of the way.

@aniihya: how many of these 1-post inflammatory new user accounts we've been seeing lately are yours?

Are you trying to insinuate we are the same people? Ask a mod, IP's don't match. I guarantee mine resolves to a T-Mobile address around Baltimore.

i'm sorry to inform you, but proxy servers don't magically alter reality

btw, i did see you quoted the wrong post at first. that's not exactly a sign of a spontaneous response

I am sorry to inform you but the IP ranges are very specific. A proxy server address range is not going to match the known T-Mobile IP ranges.


"btw, i did see you quoted the wrong post at first. that's not exactly a sign of a spontaneous response" I quoted so obviously it wasn't spontaneous. I wished to address that specific post. That being said, I quoted the wrong post because I clicked the wrong quote box because I have never been here before until today and I thought the quote box was for that post and it wasn;t.

okay, let's say you're right. i'll just leave it at that

...for now

viewtopic.php?t=324326



thanks for giving me material for my research

No, we aren't the same person, however we are familiar with each other and he is pretty much the one person with ASD who I get along best with. We were just discussing how surreal it feels when people accuse you of insensitivity, when you do not see how you were being insensitive and I guess Xsquader decided to register on WP.