Extermely depressed, +8 month isolation taking toll

Post Reply New Topic

Off topic but if anyone wants to experiment but is afraid to ask,

Play around with google, coconut oil, empty gelatin capsules and for a delay in dosing, time how long the gelatin capsules break down and layer them to reach the desired time period. You can't die but you can have a very bad experience if you are not careful but meh, my body isn't much different then working on electronics. You only get one shot either way so pay attention to what you are doing,

Enjoy,

better living through chemistry.

YAY today is a good day, my case manager actually picked up my meds, I actually had enough to last over the weekend and they did not know that so they probably had me down as one of my cities crazy not being on his meds lol. Better yet is he drove up, asked for money and went away. Good riddance, I didn't want to talk to him anyway, I wish all of our interaction could be this simple. Better still I didn't have to leave, I don't want to leave, I don't ever want to leave. The outside world can burn for all I care and I have supplies to eek out an existence in my little square of Earth. At least for a little while cause I am in too dense of a population. Still you get my point, there is no reason to leave even when society breaks down and world war III breaks out. Which is anyday now I suspect, peace peace and sudden destruction.

Language but nothing in excess,

Oh, is that how XR capsules work? The outer layer breaks down so that the body processes the stuff inside? How does all the medication not just leak out of the capsule the moment it slightly breaks down?

As for you not going out today, how do you manage to almost never go out and never to talk to anyone? I really don't get it. Do you at least talk to people on the phone or via Skype or live chat?

No I just talk to my gaming PC and play a lot of games, it was my escape as a child and its my escape now. My parents drag me to the store every so often but I have brought enough food to last forever. I met a fellow wrong planet member back in the beginning of the year but I more or less told them to go away. I didn't mean to really but its for the best, I was honest and I found people is not what I need right now anyway. I have said it before but wrong planet is all I have socially. I talk to my mom a few times a week and post and thats about it. Everything I want I get through post, the world is evil, I don't want to leave. People try to get me to leave and I won't do it.

There is no reason to live outside of God and my mom but I digress, I am just repeating myself at this point.

I think people try to get you to leave because I suspect that most of us can't imagine life in that kind of profound isolation. The isolation itself can cause severe depression or suicidal tendencies. Your isolation goes so far beyond the solitude that many people find therapeutic.

Notice that did you?

I am more suicidal when I deal with people, this pain is tame compared to trying socially. People are evil and they do evil things and so do I, I am ready for it end and from what I can gather, I won't be waiting long.

I am already dead inside, I have committed suicide every night in my mind in isolation, I don't care to try and make it better. It will never be better, I would have to fail more to succeed and thats not even guaranteed. I would rather not try. My friends didn't think I was worth the effort, so evidently I am not worth the effort, I don't even care about myself. If they don't care when they did at one point why would I ever care when I never have to begin with?

I wish I knew how to give you even a glimmer of hope.

it does NO GOOD to dwell upon bad thoughts, it took me decades to learn this. dcj, I hope you learn it a lot sooner than I did.

Seether is either hit or miss with me,

Right now in depression they are a hardcore hit. This album has been on repeat all day even in gaming.

^ I doubt anyone will listen to that album and you kind of have to be in a younger age group to appreciate its sound but wow this album actually has a lot of the feels when I listen to the lyrics. Damn, that is actually very dark, no wonder I like it in depression.

Well I have thought about this and best I can come up with is I am somewhat of the opinion of feeling pain more then hiding it because it becomes rage and comes out pretty badly in meltdowns if I don't. If I can feel emotion and not dwell on it well then... I'd be cured actually. I don't know, it doesn't seem healthy to hide the pain I feel but then again I do it everyday because I have considered how my mom would feel if the cops called her and told her that her son is dead and left a lengthy suicide note about how f****d up the world was around him. I have concluded that that would hurt so I don't do it. That and God keeps me alive. I have nothing really but my gaming rig and its largely safe even in the projects cause I and everyone here knows they can take it but they ain't getting in it. I show the people I live around my encryption and I have never had anything stolen here lol. Plus I am the one they come to with stolen electronics to fix for them to sale, they know not to bite the hand that feeds them. Still point is I think I don't even know how to view the world in a positive way, the bible is about as positive as I get and even that says we are screwed but I'll take the possibility of having something better later more then death.

Maybe I just need a good dose of God again,

^^^what is your opinion regarding meditation?

I don't really have one, its relaxing and I like calm.com and have been sleeping with it. Its not much different then prayer evidently in terms of effects but I like it when not done in excess. I can get bored doing it too long.

Also, max volume