The Gender discussions on L&D are harming me

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I have an idea GF. I think some men have the wrong focus. They're so focused on either trying to score, get a date or girlfriend. Some do everything in the book including PUA. It's like the coyote trying to catch the roadrunner but never able to get him. Question: Why not try to catch something else? In other words, focus on other things other then dating like improvement of oneself, having fun. Maybe help in a soup kitchen. While doing these things you may meet that special someone. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_hedonism

Another thing, just like some men are real as*holes some women are real c***s and one better be careful with what one wishes for because one's wish may actually come true. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Monkey%27s_Paw

The blue one sums me up as I was raised in a matriarch but wiki says benevolent sexism represents evaluations of gender that may appear subjectively positive (subjective to the person who is evaluating), but are actually damaging to people and gender equality more broadly (e.g., the ideas that women need to be protected by men).

If a ship goes down , I am going to be sexist and say woman and children first , maybe this is harmful to society and I should have an every person for themselves attitude

It feels like the man can’t be bothered, is boring and uninterested when he’s OK with splitting the bill. Also that he’s a cheapskate. For some reason it winds me up. I never expect them to pay, but it’s the slight attitude that sometimes comes with splitting in half. When there isn’t an attitude and the man is perfectly friendly, I still don’t feel like he’s taking the date seriously, it’s like I’m just another woman and there’s nothing special about me. As for a man opening doors for me, I love that. Being offered their coat when it’s cold is nice and cosy and it makes me feel more secure, like they are looking after me. I really like that. Providers who are men seem more manly to me, and not constantly checking their wallet makes them appear more secure with themselves, and with me.

Well , I would pay the bill , open doors for you , and give you my coat if you were cold , however I couldn't promise that I wouldn't be boring and I would be constantly checking for my wallet but that's OCD

Aren’t you married?

Not married but as good as married , that was a theoretical hot date we were on so it would sound funnier.

Oh, OK.

Yes, I suggested change. Change is the only constant and the only way to solve anything. Nothing becomes any better than it is by staying exactly the same way that it is; people included.

Not working full time is only one of your problems, not the only one. If you worked on bettering every other issue in your life you'd be a more datable sly even without working full time. But, also, if you worked on bettering yourself in every way, you might be able to work more, too. It's clear that you have problems with depression, anxiety, and your asd/adhd symptoms. All of those things (and more) can be improved, and once people are mentally/physically healthier, they can work more if they want to. I know this is true because 6 years ago i could barely work at all, and now I'm capable of more than full time work & have been for ~5 years now. Diet and exercise change everything - they change us. The right foods, medicines, supplements etc bit by bit heal us. You are what you eat, after all, so if you're not who you want to be then you're probably not eating the right things.

The other issue with work is your attitude towards it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've only ever seen you post that you can't work full time - never that you want to, wish you could, or are working hard towards being able to again. You've posted that even your doctor thinks you can work more than you do & there must be a reason your GP thinks that. People who WANT to work full time for productivity or financial reasons find a way. If you can't handle people, be the night watchman on a construction site or something. There are ways to work full time without social interaction if you can't handle it right now. Also, you seem to come up with many excuses why you "can't," do various types of jobs. Labour because you're weak - okay, then get stronger until you can lift a few things. Basic cleaning because you claim to be a germaphobe, but we know that can't be true because you've described the living conditions of your home and bedroom floors as being caked in the faeces of 5 dogs. No construction site general labourer/cleaner has to deal with scraping poo off of floors, just sweeping up sawdust & drywall mud etc. If you had any desire to work full time you'd focus on improving the things that constrain you until you can, but from everything you've posted, it seems you have no desire to work more & if that's the case, then really no right to complain about the income you have. I know plenty of people who don't work & they have almost zero dollars, but they don't complain about it - they just don't care. At least try to be happy with your choices like they are.

Diet/medicine/water, exercise, rest - all the things that build people up until they're happy and healthy and capable of doing whatever it is they want in life. You get what you give.. put in the effort, you'll get positive results. Eat a bunch of junk food and lay about, well, garbage in = garbage out. If your goal is to be able to work a good paid job, then work on building yourself up until you can.

Diet and exercise will (if you are eating the right things and not just restricting calories) build you up bit by bit until you're able to work longer days doing heavier lifting. Once someone is fit & healthy, they can do more work. Even if they're not happy, if they're physically capable they can work. So, once you improve your physical capacity to do work, you can do more work and get paid for it. It'll take months of disciplined effort, but it can be done if it's something you want to achieve.

If you do decide to go the prostitution route with your newly built fitter body and still feel your appearance is a constraint, there's always dark rooms, masks, glory holes, all sorts of kinky things. Think outside the box, sly! Think inside the sex dungeon instead.. if that's your choice & your goal. Besides, most hookers work at night and a lot of Johns don't care to be seen, either. Could be a win-win if that's the professional route you choose. Personally, I'd caution against it.. I just find prostitution to be rather gross as IMO the kinds of people who have to pay for sex are more likely to be gross/diseased. But then again, prostitutes have told me their clientele are socially awkward loners so they probably don't get laid much, and also regular college students and business people who are looking for a simple business transaction & zero complications due to their busy lives, so, maybe you'd luck out and have a very healthy & hygienic clientele. Not my thing, but I'm sure it's some peoples' motivation to get in shape - someone's gotta work in the oldest profession, I suppose.

Ok, so then be a jovial fat man instead of sad faced all the time. Work on that. And if $ is constraining you from getting a date, work on yourself until you're able to earn more money. I'm saying this as someone who has done it. 6 years ago I made $150/month. PER MONTH. And at the time, in my mind, that was where I was going to be stuck at forever - and it was terrifying. But I didn't want to be there, so, I learned and did everything I had to in order to change myself so that I could get back to work again. I worked a few different jobs, made some mistakes, but bit by bit got healthier and then was able to get back to work full time plus and have been for ~5 years. If your goal is to be able to make more money because that will make you more datable, then find a way. Work on it until it happens. Never give up!

Fit bodies get you more than sex. Women feel protected, and get the sense that you're focused, disciplined, healthy, can do work, be a provider etc etc etc - all of these things can be communicated to women with just a still photograph of a man. Physical fitness and strength gets people a LOT more out of life than just sex. It gets respect from other men, too, and the upper hand in negotiations.. but yes, it also gets more sex AND sex is better when you're fit vs. fat, I've done both and know the difference. For anyone that has an active sex life, whether with their monogamous partner or the whole city, I highly recommend getting into better physical shape so you can truly enjoy it to it's potential.

Losing 25-30lbs is a great start. Don't stop. Keep going! Lose the fat, build muscle, rinse & repeat. Weird that my posts encouraging diet, exercise, & self improvement would make someone not go do something healthy for themselves - but whatever, sly, it's your life & your choices. Go to the gym, don't go to the gym, do exercise outside whenever - whatever - all on you, bud. I have ZERO to do with whether you do any exercise and eat healthy food or not. I'm in another country and I certainly haven't advocated that you not do healthy things, so, if you don't, then those are YOUR choices & I am not to blame for them. IF I have anything to say at all about any of that, it'd be to encourage you to not even buy junk food so you're not tempted to eat it & to do exercise and eat a healthy balanced diet that serves you and your goals. If you make mistakes and get off track, that's on you. Own it, admit you made a mistake and cost yourself a setback, and move forward with trying again the next day. Blaming others for your actions, or inactions, isn't going to do you one bit of good.

What does not being gay have to do with anything regarding diet/exercise? Weird random comment.

Losing weight & getting fit will help you be able to work a higher paid job or more hours. You'll have the physical strength and stamina, as well as be happier, as exercise releases the neurotransmitters, endorphins, and hormones that help us feel good, and when you feel better you'll think better thoughts and know that you Can do more. Others will also offer you other opportunities to better yourself, too. Once you're fitter, even if it takes a year or two, others will see this change, the hard work you put in, your work ethic and discipline, your ability to do more than the job responsibilities you have now, and more and more opportunities for better paid work will present themselves to you. This isn't just fanciful thinking, it's what happens to nearly everyone who makes drastic health & fitness improvements to themselves.

Like Retro decscribed in my self improvement to attract others thread, you'll be able to get off the downward spiral and latch onto the upward spiral and everything gets better all at once vs. everything continuing to get worse. Work, money, dates, fitness, happiness, cars, job opportunities etc etc etc once You are happier & healthier by focusing on changing yourself, then all of these things & more begin an upward trajectory instead of seeming to be in a never ending tailspin destined to end in a fiery crash.

I agree. I've been suggesting to a few posters who complain that they can't get a date that they should stop looking and focus on improving themselves AND just going out and doing the things that make THEM happy, because then it creates the opportunity for someone to see them happy in the wild & perhaps strike up a conversation that could lead to exchanging phone numbers and going out for dinner Friday night.

It seems futile to continue doing the exact same thing, not getting the results you want, and continuing to do it and complain anyways.

I guess some of these posters need to read the same advice from several different sources before they finally accept that their way isn't working & maybe, just maybe, cubedemon6073 & others might just have some better ideas they should try.

I posted that my doctor doesn’t think o should get my loans forgiven since I’m able to work and so not permanently disabled.
He fully understood and agreed that I can only work so many hours. He wrote an letter to my work saying so.

Your super condescending. You’d probably tell a paralyzed person that people who want to walk would find a way so you must just be lazy.
Will power doesn’t defeat reality. I can’t handle working ful, time, I’ve tried and it was too much for me. Why can’t you just accept that. Please leave me alone or I’ll contact the mods. You ignore what I say and keep pushing say I’m jus flaky and making up excuses, it’s not ok to come to a disability site and then tell people their issues are fake.

You’re ignoring what I wrote and twisting my words to fit your narrative.

I’ve never ignored anyone’s issues. I’ve suggested that you work on improving them until you can do more, like anyone who has a will to do anything more.

There are paralyzed people who opt to sulk about their disability, and others like our family friend Gayle who refused to accept a prognosis of never being able to walk again, so now she walks with a walker and sometimes uses a power chair. There are people who lose limbs and then give up on doing anything physical, and then there are the ones I’ve done the Tough Mudder with who had arms/legs blown off in combat but then decide they’re still going to do everything they want to, anyways.

Sly, question! Why don't you believe you can work full time?

Because I tried in the past and I barely manage part time. I think about quitting every week. If I can barely handl 15 hours why would anyone think I can handl 40-60 hours a week.

Sly, why can you barely manage part time? What specific issues crop up exactly?

It physically exhausts me probably from all the social interactions and anxiety from all the tasks, but whatever it is I get off from a 3-5 hour shift exhausted, out of it and usually depressed from the women.
Then there’s my adhd and the fact a lot of the time I’m doing nothing but walking in circles or standing doing nothing waiting for a customer.
I feel most people would not be tired after a short shift. It’s to the point I prefer the 3 hour shifts. The boredom drives me near crazy. I really can not fathom how the other guy does 8-9 hour shifts 5 days a week.

I’m not alone there’s quite a few aspie here who can’t handle over part time if they can handle that even.

Sly, have you ever thought about increasing your shift hours more gradually and see how it performs? I wonder if you would do that.

Last edited by Hollywood_Guy on 25 Apr 2018, 6:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.