Why does no one want me to have a relationship?

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Not according to This Stanford Study.
That last line says it all. Apparently, some people are indeed successful at speed-dating, but it depends on women being interested in men who, in turn, agree with and understand the women.

Simple.

It might be "worth it" for those who can make an immediately great first impression.

Otherwise....it's bullcrap.

I've never impressed anybody through hanging out with them for five minutes. Sometimes, it's taken years.

My mother thinks I have too much time on my hands but the reality is that my mind just can't stop thinking about the girlfriend issue no matter what I do. Even when I am assisting library patrons, my mind is stuck on it. A patron even asked me yesterday if I had a wife and kids.

I've never thought I can give a good first impression, yet three out of six gave me their contact information when I went to a speed date... I mean sure, one of those three was someone I had exchanged a few words with before and played cards with in a group, but it's not like we knew each other.

I think that, with speeddates, you don't look for some "love at the first sight" -kind of thing, it's more like you exchange contact information if the other person doesn't give you an immediate no -wipe and you find him or her at least a little interesting. If the person turns out not to be interesting later, you can always back up. There's no need to take it too seriously.

If a patron asked you that, it means that it's possible for you to have a wife and kids.

You did pretty good then, FireBlossom….and I definitely don't begrudge you that.

But I don't believe I would do so well.

I am one of those who "grow" on people. I often don't make a good first impression.

Is the DMV drivers' test "bullcrap" if you don't pass it? Is the interview process "bullcrap" if you're not qualified for the job? Is the medical exam "bullcrap" if the doctor finds that you are overweight?

No, no, and no.

If the person taking the test, or going through the interview, or enduring the medical exam is unable to pass when many millions of others have passed, then the "bullcrap" is not in the process, but in the attitude of the person who fails.

("Sour Grapes", anyone?)

Speed dates are tests, interviews, and examinations all rolled into one short session. When people fail, it is usually because they aren't prepared or the simply don't measure up. Sure, the process isn't perfect, but if it was all "bullcrap", then nobody would succeed.

No sour grapes for me, Sir....where did you get the idea that I’ve “failed”?

I’ve done pretty well doing it my way.

And I had no car till age 50, only a high school education until age 45. And I’m short and stubby, too. And my social skills sort of suck, too.

Dating and getting your drivers license bear only some relation to each other.

I did not say that you had failed.

Maybe. In both cases, you have to meet certain minimum standards that everyone else has to meet in order to get what you want.

A job interview has much more in common with a speed date, though. You get only a few minutes to make a good impression, and then it's the next guy's turn.

That's precisely why I don't like the concept.

A job interview is a job interview.

Dating is a different animal, altogether---or at least it should be.

"Should"? Says who?

Some people see things as they are and try to figure out how things "should" be.

I see things as they are and try to figure out how to make things work for my benefit.

Job interviews and first dates have so much in common that I'm surprised people don't swap résumés instead of phone numbers.

I never learned dating skills in my developmental years or in the psychosocial moratorium. If you miss those chances, life pretty much tells you "Well, good luck on living! Maybe you'll succeed, maybe you won't!" and it makes me terrified of what the rest of life holds for me.

I wouldn't have made it under that sort of regime----that's why I don't care for it. My "resume" always "sucked" in that regard.

I made it making use of my wiles.....making up for what I "lacked."

I used my brain.

People have to do things other than what is conventional in order to succeed. If I was stuck in the "conventional" mode, I wouldn't have had any success at all.

Well, good for you!

I used by brain to develop my skills before I wrote my first résumé. Before that, I just filled out applications and got s**t-jobs. Now I read résumés, conduct interviews, and decide who does and who does not get hired.

Life is good.

And you worked hard for what you got. And I admire that.

You were in the Abyss...and you rose out of it.

That would actually be rather handy, as long as the resume would have more information about hobbies and interests instead of job achievements and such. People could give their info to a third party, go over the information of other people and see if the person seems interesting, then, if someone does, give their contact information to that person through the third party. Kind of a blind date planned through paper...?



Life is "maybe you'll succeed, maybe you don't!" for literally everyone. Some just get a bit (or a lot) better start from the beginning, like being born healthy, being born to a caring family, being born rich etc. Think of the bright side: at least you weren't born with an extreme physical disability like some of us here.