(TW) Just a question (TW)

Post Reply New Topic

I am a hardcore atheist.
I literally feel that religion gets in the way of coping with life.
But for some people, it obviously works.
I'm not "some people", however.

It is almost 10:15 pm an I can't sleep. Well I never go to sleep that early but am usually tired by now.

Howdy.

Read your PM.

I imagine you are emotionally exhausted.
That wouldn't surprise me.
Perhaps you are on the upswing of your emotional cycle?

I saw it Pepe. (The device I'm using dOesnt let me reply without starting a whole new pm). I was feeling slightly better this morning. I distracted myself with video games. I felt better by the end of the day,but now I am off the walls, if you know what I mean. It's 11 not tired.

It varies. Some last a day while most last days. It is annoying. My sister sometimes just notices the change. But now I am stuck with unnatural amount of energy. I can't do anything without waking people.

I would be grateful if you did research. I will too,but might get stuck in mini-hyperfocus. You may not hear from me for days, if I go fully in. Atleast I will have someone around to snap me out of it.

I'm not sure if it helps without meds, but I would try to stay calm. The mania might provoke another cycle of bi-polar, if it works that way.
I need to research it.
Do you think you are bi-polar?



But at least you aren't feeling depressed, right?
That has to be better.



Not a problem.
As you know, one of my special interests is psychology.



It looks like you really need to talk to someone about getting assessed for bi-polar.
If your parents won't listen, and you don't have a therapist any longer, I suggest you talk to a teacher, if skool is still open.

I will be happy to talk, when you come back.

What platform do you use? Console or PC?
If you have a PS4, I recommend playing: "The Last of Us", but buy the first game first.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_of_Us



A very creepy game. Right up your alley.

Struggling isn’t the same thing as terminal suffering.

Everyone struggles, but they keep going. Puppies struggle to learn things, but we don’t shoot them for it. They grow and learn and carry on being dogs just like people are shaped by our experiences.

That said, we do have medically assisted suicide for people at/near death’s door who choose to go out via injections vs just laying in bed in chronic pain and literally gasping for air.

But I don’t believe it’s offered to anyone based on depression. Instead, they’re offered treatments for depression.

f**k

Hey, Vampie!
Your back.

What does "f**k" mean, btw?

Pepe, you were right I did crash. It was hard for the first couuple hours cuz of the urges. They didn't go away, but I got slightly better at keeping it beneath the surface. I can feel it emerging. Approaching the surface. I can't keep this buried.

Yeah, you did sound exhausted.



Have you done any research on those urges?
Sometimes it is good to have a cognitive understanding of why you do or feel things.

Have you been "listening" to your internal dialogue?
Have you heard any good jokes in there?
I pay a finder's fee for anything I can use in my routine.

And, the big one: Have you stayed off caffeine?

I was doing research and found this.


"Euphoric mania tricks us into thinking that we are ‘finally feeling great,’ when we are really not.



Euphoric hypomania often knocks on my door. I love it for about two hours and then realize it simply wants to make my life difficult and out of control, so I do all I can to get rid of it. Here are three examples of how I manage mania. I do take medications for my manic mood swings, but overall, I try to manage my mania through early detection and prevention.

The euphoric manic surge

Euphoric mania often releases a surge of super human energy that creates a feeling of invincibility. Even if you were unable to function due to depression the day before, this surge creates a positive belief in the world and your ability to get things done. You jump up and get started and no matter what you want to do, it’s done with extreme ease. If you have rapid cycling like I do, this can be extremely frustrating. I was depressed for most of my thirties and forties and I would get these surges of manic energy and start projects where I simply couldn’t maintain the energy to finish as my depression always came back. I call this the deflated balloon syndrome. My balloon that was normally under inflated and just flopping around trying to get the basics done would be filled with a huge amount of air and I would fly into the sky with a great burst of work ability. The problem is that it NEVER lasted.

My depression is much better than it used to be, but the mania surge still stalks me. I’m learning to use it to my advantage whenever possible. Instead of starting projects that simply won’t get finished, I’m working on talking myself into using the energy on a current project. This doesn’t always work, but I know myself and I WILL make it work eventually.

Recognizing these euphoric mania surges as something negative instead of the focusing on how good they make me feel is key.

Euphoric mania and hypersexuality:

I get scary hypersexual when the euphoric mania shows up. I feel like a stalker. In the past, I gave in to this and met any guy I wanted to meet simply because the mania took away my inhibitions and I went after what I wanted. I now control it a lot better. Many of you know that I chose to be celibate for a few years to finally get my manic sexual behavior under control. It’s the smartest thing I ever did. Here’s why. When I get in a certain euphoric episode where men look like candy that I have to eat I know trouble is on the way. As I wrote this paragraph, I was reminded of a time in Starbucks where the hypomania was there, but I was observing it and not giving in to it. I walked into the store and stood in line. There was a guy in front of me in shorts who had obviously been playing some kind of sport.

My mind fixated on his calves and I had the thought, “Would he be upset if I got on my hands and knees and gave those calves a nice licking?!”

Please know that I like guys, but this is not something I could even conjure up for a novel! The manic brain is simply one of a kind and must be controlled. Being celibate gave me the space I needed to observe my behavior and figure out what I thought about guys, instead of just going with what my manic brain told me to think about guys.

Mania and loud music.

My management plan is based off the concept that recognizing, memorizing and ultimately utilizing the earliest signs of a mood swing to get help is the key to successful bipolar disorder management. This is the plan I talk about in all of my books.

Mania has a very small treatment window and the more clues we have that it is starting, the easier it is to get help and stop it from going too far.

One clue I use is music. I lived with very severe depression for over 20 years and as I got older, music had too many depression memories attached to the songs and I finally stopped trying to listen to music as it made me so sad. One of the first signs of mania that I notice before I even think about being manic is my ability to listen to my iPod. I can turn it on and listen to my favorite bands from Joy Division and Jack White to the Artic Monkeys without thinking about how hard my life has been. I can turn on the radio in the car and not slip back into worrisome thoughts and musings. This always seems like something normal, but considering that I can hardly listen to the radio at all, suddenly being able to turn it on with ease is a sign I can’t ignore.  Eventually, I have the very obvious sign that I’m euphoric because I play music in the car very, very loud and usually bang my hands on the steering wheel.

My ability to listen to loud music increases 3-4x when I’m manic.

Noticing how I am around music helps me see where I am in terms of my mania so that I can get help before I have all the windows down while yelling to Metallica!

Euphoric mania tricks us into thinking that ‘finally feeling great!! !!” is a positive. It’s not. It’s just the other side of the bipolar disorder coin. My goal is to get as good at managing mania as I am at managing depression. It’s a work in progress.

I wish you luck in managing mania as well!

Julie "





This is very similar for me

I also found this


"Along with self-injury, some people with bipolar and other psychiatric disorders may be more apt to abuse drugs or alcohol than people without mood disorders. Some experts believe that risky behaviors are related to the patient trying to self-soothe unpleasant mood states, particularly if they feel overwhelmed by distressing emotions.

Like drugs and alcohol, self-injury tends not to be an effective way to try to relieve emotional discomfort. That's why it's important that people with mood disorders -- especially when traumatic events or abuse have occurred in childhood -- talk with their doctors about effective strategies to help manage emotional distress.

 

Can self-injury lead to suicide?

Suicide is a major risk for people with bipolar disorder. Between 25% and 50% of those with bipolar disorder attempt suicide, and 15% die by suicide. But people who engage in self-injury to get rid of bad feelings are not necessarily suicidal.

Though self-injury and suicide are different, self-injury should not be brushed aside as a small problem. The very nature of self-injury is physical damage to one's body. It's important for the self-injurer to seek help. "

Because every life is worth living.

Because I am not a reason to die.

I can only speak for myself. I live because I am a survivor. I went thru hell in my youth via bullying of all forms from my classmates for endless years. I was pushed far beyond my means multiple times. One of my goals is to simply outlive them, one by one. It is coming true as time gradually passes. I use my stored anger/rage towards them as my fuel when I am running low on life energy to get me thru the low points/depression. It is why I can do things that others cannot with my nearly endless supply of internal power. But, it also costs me time off of my lifeline in the process (as I have very high blood pressure/heart failure issues). The more I do with it, the shorter my life becomes, so I try to use it carefully and not waste it. That is just the cards I was dealt.

Life is not as hopeless as it seams to be. It can be hard to see that when all looks bleak, but it is true. You just need to find your spark to live. It does exist, but can be elusive if you do not seek it out.