Women: NO! Pedophiles: YES!

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By stupid messages I mean the kind of messages that would fit more for the moral philosophy class than for the message board. For one thing, they are way too long, like several page long at times. I tend to overanalyze the ins and outs of "why" people do things the way they do rather than just look at facts which is what others tend to prefer. And also, when I get a reply, I often dissect the reply and write half a page for every sentence of the reply, which makes it look like I just want to argue or that I don't see forest for the trees.

Apart from that, in my messages I often admit doing inappropriate things that most adults don't do, like losing temper and so forth. So when I write a message of the type "I acted like a 5 year old, why did they reject me", it sounds like a stupid question. But the reason its not a stupid on my end is because I am *not* asking "why is it wrong to do what I did", rather I am asking "why can't people understand I will change, and give me a chance to do so". Others on the forum don't see the difference between these two questions, so they think I am asking a stupid question, which I am not.

In any case, what I am trying to say is that if I knew that there is a real possibility to find dates on Wrong Planet, I would have thought twice before asking those kinds of questions. But I just assumed that nobody dates here anyway, so I just used this as a therapy resource. Now I think it was a mistake.

Why are you referring to your ex in feminite? Are you bisexual?

Its interesting you mentioned friendship when I talked about dating. But in any case, I complain about lack of friends too, so this is still on topic. Just curious how did you confuse the two.

Are you thinking of dating as a form of friendship? That would actually make sense: deeper connection should be built on friendship. The paradoxical part is for some reason others don't think of it this way, and at times they even treat friendship and dating as mutually exclusive. I have no idea why they do that. I mean how can you really connect to someone romantically if you can't even think of them as a friend? But, as strange as it seems, thats how people seem to think. Are you saying you think differently than them?



That would have made sense if people's motives were purely selfish. For example, if you were to say "well, the girl went for someone rich because she wants that person to share money with her" then yes, it makes perfect sense, no questions about "fairness" are being asked. But the problem is that this is not the only thing that is going on. The part of what goes on that "doesn't" make sense is that girls judge a guy based on the parameters that would "not" directly translate into guy doing some kind of favor to a girl: such as the guys popularity and so forth. So if you are going to say that "the guys welfare is not her problem" then why can't you also say "the guys popularity is not her problem"? And that is precisely what bothers me. Its not like the girl denies all morality altogether (a position that *would* make logical sense) but rather she substitutes one morality with a different morality, and that other morality she seems to go by is unfair.



But you were able to find out that the girl asked around why you didn't call her. How were you able to find that out if you had no friends?

Could it be that you define friends differently than me? When I say I don't have friends, I mean that I don't even have acquitances, like nobody ever talks to me. But are you saying that in your case you have plenty of people that would talk to you, you would just not regard them as friends?

If so, that is pretty interesting, because they don't "just" talk to you, they go as far as sharing the secrets (such as what was that girl talking about you). Wouldn't they have to be close to you at least somewhat in order to answer this?

If the answer is no, that is a really good news right there. So can I also get people to tell me what people say about me when I am not around? What did you do to get the answer to such question?



How does it work? Is it that

a) The girl is the one who decided that she doesn't like a guy, but she doesn't feel comfortable to tell him that, so she asked her cockblocker to chase the guy away from her, while she pretends to like him

or

b) The girl likes the guy, but the cockblocker doesn't, and the girl listens to the opinion of the cockblocker and stops liking the guy

By the way, did you decide to be cockblocker in the following thread (viewtopic.php?f=11&t=391297&start=16 )



If so, what was your motivation to do that?



I am interested in long term relationships. I am not interested in one night stands.



Yes, I did, for many years. And it is usually unsuccessful. Even though I contact women first most of the time, most women ignore my messages. And when i am lucky enough to finally get a reply, it usually doesn't go beyond two or three exchanges. I DID however ended up meeting all of my ex-s through dating sites (and three of them were long term). But it typically takes like a year before I am lucky enough to get a girlfriend that way.

NT girls are remarkably selective with whom they get emotional over. There is a sliding scale, the more popular the girl the less likely she will give a toss over your feelings.

People were shocked how easily Meaghan Markle discarded past boyfriends (or family for that matter) but it really shouldn't be a surprise as she knows how popular she is.

This is a tricky one as I've had both. Where the girl shows immediate interest physically is where I differ from most men is that I enjoy the thrill of the hunt, It's a turn-on for me when I have to pursue a girl. A girl who shows immediate interest sexually is a turn-off. So from that perspective friendship leading to intimacy is more satisfying.


Yes that would account for 99% of all the people I have ever known. I think I would describe them as fair weather friends. I never developed an emotional dependency on anybody except for my wife and daughter.


Both scenarios have happened. In one case I recall a girl got really drunk and kissed me (I was drunk too so happily engaged). Then her cock-blocker friend dragged her away. I became really angry because I compromised my values as I never kiss a stranger so in some respects the cockblocker did me a favor (even though the b***h probably thought she was depriving me off fun).



So return to square one and look for female friends. This is the hardest path for a man to take but if you want a long term relationship then you need to know the girl (and she you). Patience is definitely a virtue, think of it like a long term hunting expedition where you need to understand your quarry well enough before taking the final shot (that's a sexual metaphor in case you were wondering).

It's better they know now rather than later.

Problem is, if you assume she's playing hard to get or that'll come around but you're wrong, it becomes sexual harassment. Maybe there's a nuance in there that NTs can navigate, but I know I can't.



This has always been my preferred ideal method of starting a romantic relationship. But experience has taught me that it just doesn't work. I've had plenty of female friends, including one I've known closely for over 15 years; but none of those ever led to romantic relationships. And I'm not even saying I desire for that to happen with any of my extant female friends; I'm just pointing out that life doesn't work that way.

But the reason I do that is that I am bitter about being single. So if I were to actually find a girlfriend, I wouldn't be like that. Or at least I hope I won't.

You wasn't targeted by paedophiles because of you. You was targeted because of them. They're f*****g monsters.

As for your issue about finding a women; maybe you're looking in all the wrong places.

Well, don't know where any of the right places would be. It's become exceedingly rare for me to meet single women at all.

Thats an interesting perspective. Because the way I used to think of it is different. I think of dating as a chase (either you stay in the game if the dating continues or you strike out if it ends) while friendzone is a game over (you already lost). So that would imply that if you like a chase you better be dating, while friendzone is for someone who doesn't want a chase and just wants a company. But it seems like you disagree with this.

So, as far as what you are saying is it that

a) You disagree that friendzone is game over and, instead, you see friendzone as a chase?

OR

b) You agree friendzone is a game over, but in your case it wasn't a friendzone but rather "friends and see what happens" which has different connatation?

On quite a different note, I remember in the "girl in the office" thread you told me that trying to pursue the woman who is not interested in me can be interpretted as sexual harassment. Yet you say you did this, and didn't have those concerns. So the question is: why is your advice to me inconsistent with your own behavior? I actually have some possible answers to this question, please let me know which one is it:

(i) You didn't do it at the work place. So pursuing disinterested women outside workplace is fine, but at the workplace is harassment

(ii) You are NT, so for you its easier to navigate this kind of situation

(iii) Times have changed, and at the time when you were young people were more lenient towards that sort of thing

(iv) In your case the girls were "somewhat" interested but not quite. On the other hand in my case the girl is "clearly" disinterested

(v) You were attractive to some girls and not others, while I am not attractive to any girls. If the girl, who herself is not attracted to a guy, sees that other girls are, then she won't think of it as harassment. But if the girl sees that nobody likes that guy either, then she might

(vi) Other (specify)



Well, at least you "are" close to your wife, as you just said. I think if I had a girlfriend or wife to whom I was close to, and a lot of "fair weather friends" apart from that, this would be a good deal. Not perfect, but I wouldn't be complaining. Although either one of those two things by itself would keep me complaining about the other component.



Which of these two scenarios did that situation fall into?



From what I read on the internet, friendzone is a no-go territory for "any" kind of relationship, including the one I am looking for. Or are you saying its not true and in actuality friendzone just prevents a hookup while, at the same time, it still leaves room for possibility of long term relationship and marriage?



I agree with this reasoning. My only question is why others don't.

The issue here is not the patience on my end, but whether or not the girl would make up her mind to never be in a relationship with me on her end. Like would she think that since we are friends we can't ever be in a relationship? I agree this kind of thinking is stupid (you need to know the person to be in a relationship with them) but thats what I read on the internet as to how the girls think.

For example, I read about "ladder theory": http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/ladder ... l-and.html

Good point, there is an art to this and it requires careful study of your female friends (see below).



A girl needs to be comfortable around you to be friends. You will be surprised to know that they pick up your interest before you yourself think you are letting your intentions show. NT girls are very perceptive with males and the signals you send. it sounds like the ones that you have known for 15 years know that you are not desiring a relationship so are comfortable with you.

b) - NT girls are complicated so they like boys in the friendzone to see what happens. There was/is another category called "friends with benefits" where the girl knows she can hookup with the boy and there's no strings attached. I've never been a FWB and it sounds like that's not what you want either.

i) Workplace is risky. You can pursue it but it compromises your career trajectory if you don't manage it well.
ii) perhaps, but there are still challenges that need to be overcome even for NTs
iii) perhaps. I perceive that hookups are much easier now but long term relationships are still hard work
iv) In my case the girls enjoyed the sexual power they had over me. Unfortunately I might have been an early form of simp and I do regret that. However the friendships were equal, there was no coercion on their part, I voluntarily allowed it.
v) This is really hard for me to gauge? attractiveness is a combination of things for girls. I passed the muster in terms of looks and personality but for a long term relationship it also requires compatibility and even if you have 10-20 female friends the latter is hard work. In order to tip the balance in your favor you need to a) show them strongly you are interested b) be aware that other men are also interested in the girl so offer something that the competition don't have. It's not too dissimilar to applying for a job.



I recommend checking free resources on dating coaching (ironically I just caught my daughter reading one site) as there's a lot of good resources from coaches who can role-play numerous scenarios.

When I have told a friend I had feelings she was surprised. She had been inviting to go out with her regularly for months, and it was clear she had no idea.

What happened after that?

I understand. I was sexually abused a lot and just used by paedophiles. I knew no better and became numb to it. I thought I would never find anyone who would be kind to me.

I'm actually a sex worker and have been for most of my life on and off. It might sound a bit weird but I found someone who absolutely respects me through my work. Don't really want to go into details but he completely gets me. I say "he's got my core".

What I would suggest is that you get to know yourself. What you like and don't like and then move in the direction of what makes you feel good. Chances are you will find someone who gets you at some point in your journey.

I wish you all the very best.