Will they ever help me?

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The other day, I got upset at my boyfriend all over again, for something he did to me months ago that I had already rationalized, but something has been taking me over trying to make me hate him still, and I don't, but I'm upset that it's trying to make me, and my calling him a piece of s**t and scum was just a cry for help. Anyway, my parents were unsympathetic and called me a spoiled brat and told me that I hated him, that there was nothing taking me over, that it was me feeling like that for real and that I had to take responsibility for that. I shouted at them and then the people who live upstairs called the cops and they came and arrested me under the Mental Health Act. At least they didn't take me to jail for disturbing the peace; instead they took me to the emergency room and since there was some deadly digestive disease going around in their mental ward and all the mental hospitals were full, after 2 days in the emergency room they let me go. They promised me they would change my meds and try different ones on me, but they never. They just gave me double my dose of loxapine for the two days I was in there and gave me 2 mg of Ativan whenever I had a breakdown, and that was better than nothing, but then I had to wait a few more days until I go today to see them about my meds but it's the goddamn social worker that wants to talk about it, not a doctor who can prescribe them. I got the vibe last month when I saw my shrink that he doesn't think I deserve an antidepressant, or rather, that I do, but he doesn't want other people to suffer as a result of me acting however under the influence of an antidepressant. He's not looking out for me; he's looking out for those nameless, faceless other people. I hate Canada because it's all about collective rights, not individual rights, so when you go for help, you never know if they're out to help you or to help other people to your detriment or at your expense. I'm moving to anther province today after the appointment and I hope that they give me something god at this appointment; I hope a doctor is there. Otherwise I'll have to wait about a week or two until I get across the country to the other province and then maybe they won't help me either. I go up and down and up and down. Right now I feel like s**t and want to die. And don't give me any s**t about how I have to make myself feel better and do it natural because natural is the best way and that I have to snap out of it. That just undermines the fact that I need help. I need a lot more than just someone telling me that I can snap out of it. So do you think they will help me or not? And will they actually help me without me having to do something nuts to prove I need help? And will they give me something that will NOT dope me up and put me to sleep or take away my depression at the expense of also taking away my happiness? What do you think?

Oh, yes this issue.

It sounds like he is a verbally abusive person who enjoys exploiting your weaknesses.

I don't know him and I don't know you, but I do know that you shouldn't be hanging out around someone like that.

That is an interesting aspect of Canadian law. Collective wellbeing not the individual well-being. As someone who is interested in politics that is a surprise that the country follows such procedures

I doubt you can just snap out of it, and those meds won't help, it's all a lie.

Well, I think the best is to help yourself, unfortunately, that's the brutal reality of this world, and just be yourself and follow the freaking social conventions..

Oh, Ana...

<HUGGS>

I'm so sorry this is happening again. I hope you can pull through this rough patch. Lots of us here are rooting for you.

At some point, you'll have to make an assesment if the trauma of a breakup is worth the trauma of continuation. This is something only you can really decide. I know that the issue of the hatred feelings for the bf have been building for some time, but it doesn't sound like you're quite yet to the point of action.

In the meantime, don't be too quick to dismiss something that might (at least for a time) take away depression at the expense of happiness. That might give you the time you need to reason things out. You can always dump the meds later after you've escaped from the feelings.

All the best!

-- Vip

Well, they gave me loxapine-- the same shit-- for the trip and then they gave me Ativan as well, to take every 8 hours as needed. The
ativan helps a little. I still felt miserable for the whole trip, but maybe that was just because I don't like long boring drives and having to think about issues going on with people I'm close to besides. I'm at a motel in PEI right now and have no clue where there's a hospital or mental health clinic. For some dumb reason I'm too scared to ask my father to take me to one. Because for some reason they don't want to.


I also have another problem sometimes that made me get to the point where I needed to be hospitalized that fifth time, that time when I was in the ER for 2 days. When I was younger my parents would never let me get away with getting impatient with them, but when they got impatient with me I was expected to still be nice to them, understanding that they swere having a bad day. Then later on, a few years later, when I was in high school, it was "What's wrong with you?" and "You always screw up!" and then they said they only got impatient with me when I got impatient with them, but that wasn't true. If I screwed up in school or elsewhere or something but wasn't impatient with them they would still sometimes, maybe even often, get impatient with me. And that day I was taken to the ER by the cops my father was saying that I just hated everyone and that I got mad when everyone started to hate me back, and he implied that I hated him and he hated me back, and that was just too much for me and I just wanted to die. And that's why I was screaming that I wanted to die when the cops came.


My parents had called me a spoiled brat and said that I just needed to control myself, buck up, grow up-- essentially, just snap out of it. And they say that you can but just don't want to, and that just doing it natural, just snapping out of it, is best. But sometimes you can't.


And they say that what I need is a talking to, someone teaching me soemthing. But I already know how to treat people, like my byfriend. I just can't treat him right sometimes because of something invading me, making me so miserable that the only way I can get help seems to be to be bad and mean. And thne I get mad at them because they treat me as though my problems can just be talked out of me. And then what do they do? Give you another talking to about your angry behjavior! When what you need is positive stimulation, not that.