Terrible, insane, intense remorse

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This is driving me insane. A little while ago, I had a meltdown take a serious turn for the worst. It actually resulted in incredibly rare, yet mild violence. *Disclaimer: The person on the receiving end of said violence is perfectly fine, with no damage* It's the first time I've ever been violent as a result of a meltdown. I don't even know why it happen. It's as if something snapped to cause the meltdown, and then another thing snapped during the meltdown. I ended up punching someone in the face. Someone who is, or rather "was" very close to me. Now that this has happened, our relationship will never be the same. I'm at a loss of words - nothing can describe the amount of remorse that I am feeling every second of the day. Even if I devoted the rest of my life to the person, it would not make up for what happened. It was so bad that I almost thought about suicide, but I can't bring myself to do it.

How the heck can I put a rest to this remorse and guilt?

Aspie can overdo guilt...it's not that bad, just not that great either.

This feeling I have often due to my brother. He causes me immense pain and suffering, but is infallible in his own eyes. I have wanted to beat the crap out of him, but he is stronger than me so I don't. I have shouted and sworn at him a lot. Because we both go to the same church service, I always say I am sorry to him when this happens, and he never says sorry to me ever (or to anyone else, unless he wants something from them). Of course I am not genuinely sorry and he deserves to die, but I can't do anything about that other than kill myself can I. I have asked a couple of pastors about the verse in 1 Co 10 about how there will always be a way out of temptation, because from experience for my whole life, even well before I was diagnosed, I could not believe this verse, because of this insatiable rage from all the things that have happened to me my life, and continue to happen to me

I can relate to the overwhelming remorse. A way to aid recovery is through using reason. Some examples: accepting that since the event has already occurred and you cannot change the past, you can only control how you now respond to it; it could be possible you are suffering more now than the person who was initially hurt, and if you truly did not care about others there would be little to no remorse; this is the first time in your life you have been violent as a result of meltdown, so the situation must have involved a rare conjunction of triggers.

If the case is that the other person cannot fully forgive or trust again, then all that can be done is that you try your best to minimize possible triggers in the future and move on. There's nothing that can change the past or how someone responds to your remorse; it is outside of your control. The only way forward is, well, forward.

As for me, acknowledging you have done something wrong and "feeling" remorse are different. I get angry at my brother and he is totally in the wrong, and there was nothing could have done , could not have reacted in any other way, the Bible defines fits of rage as a sin so I acknowledge it was wrong and say sorry to him. But actually he was totally in the wrong and I do not feel remorse for wanting him to die a slow and painful death or for shouting at him even though I said I did

Remorse is pointless. If you ever do something wrong, just decide not to do it again, and forget about it.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSeysERNh4U[/youtube]