I need someone...

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I want someone who will care more about me than about all other people put together, all the time. But I have a feeling this kind of person is very, very rare. Even people like me are rare. I would do anything for my son "Lars" right now, and my boyfriend "Stan" comes next even though sometimes I have a hard time putting him before myself, and then comes myself and then everyone else on WP. And other people last. And if I can spend time helping or being with or having fun with one of my preferred people, I will not choose to help or be with or have fun with another person instead, even for a change, because I love my preferred people too much to get bored with them or think they don't need me to be with them but these other strangers do. And if I really love my byfriend Stan I should know he's good enough to be like me and therefore is like that. And I should love him and treat him perfectly even if he doesn't act like that. And even if he isn't like that, I'll still devote my life to making him happy because I already promised him he would be my person, besides Lars and any other children I had, and that I would never cheat on him, and that I would never replace him, forever. So I guess I'll just have to trust that one day he will be the way I know he needs to be. The way I described in this post.

I think you will be happier if you get to the point you no longer need to categorize the people in your life that way. I just don't think it works like that. Who wants to keep score all the time? It sounds exhausting.

Sometimes you need to dig in and hold your position.

I have been married to a bipolar woman for 35 years.

"When she is good she is very very good and when she is bad she is horrid"

No matter what happened I know that she really loves me. So when she is in hospital I grit my teeth and remember that "my friend" will come out of hospital.