Did I do something wrong?

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Hey people. I have a question to which I honestly don't know the answer, I was hoping you could tell me as it's annoying me.

You might have heard me mentioning this girl I like in some of my other posts. Long story short, I've been mad about her since I first met her two years ago at a party, and we've been hanging around a good bit since then. I get on pretty well with her, and we chat a lot online. Unfortunately my Aspergers and (possible) Schitzotypy make it impossible for me to have a decent conversation in real life. She's the one person that seems to "work" like me, as in I understand why she feels the way she does and how she's going to react to something. As funny as it sounds she's like the way I was a few years ago; An emotional, kind, bubbly person waiting to get crushed by a jerk.

She felt the way I feel about her towards my best friend. Knowing how inept I am at everything, I tried to get him to go out with her so one of us would be happy (cliche but true). I convinced him to, and she went of to Paris for a week. In that time he was trying to get a few girls numbers, because "it doesn't count as cheating if they're in a different country". He didn't manage to get any "action", but got a number, and she came back. She seemed very happy, they hung out a good bit and so on. Then my friend did something I found disgusting. He invited her out, and hung out where the girl he got the number off walks by every so often.

The girl he got the number off, and a few of her friends walked by. Another one of my friends ( a passive-aggressive, short, morally and mentally black jerk as I've come to see him) seen his former friend, who is a lot more popular that he is, and wanted to go over hoping it'd rub off on him (sad but true). We went over, and for the next while everyone (except me, naturally) was sitting around chatting. The girl I like was sitting away from everyone, she's a little shy like that. I sat near her to keep her company, but I couldn't talk to her due to the AS.

My (morally bankrupt shortie) friend has an as*hole tendency where he tries to make people feel awkward, so he suggested my friend kiss the girl he got the number off (the girl I like was his sister, btw, and seeing someone do something like that to their own family made me loose all faith in humanity for once and for all) My friend was asked to kiss the girl he got the number off, while the girl he was going out with was there. He looks at the girl I like, and gives her a "sorry but she's better" look, and went off. Everyone else went off, and she was alone, so I went over to keep her company and tried to cheer her up.

My friend came back, and tried to make himself look like less of a jerk to her. I could tell how upset she was, and how much of a self motivated jerk he was being, so I got up and walked around the corner. I was unable to speak, I couldn't believe there was so much badness in people. My two other friends (the shortie, and one with AS) tried to make conversation, but I wasn't interested in talking. I was still struck by how unbelievably callous that was. When they asked me why I was so depressed (I actually looked genuinely shell shocked) I started saying how I hate watching people getting screwed over like that (I managed to stay "neutral" however, I didn't fall out with my friend over it as it was his business) , and they tried to convince me that they don't like seeing stuff like that either, but given that one of them suggested my friend cheat in front of her I knew they didn't care. After that I didn't talk for the rest of the day to anyone, I felt like everything was my fault, and in trying to make a friend happy at my own expense I've just put her into a bad depression (she is prone to depression).

So was this my fault? Should I have acted differently or would it have mattered? please reply

Well mate it's kind of a tl:dr but I read it.

It's not solely your fault but you did play a factor in it.

This was your faltering point. I know you just want to see her smile...but is it worth throwing her to the dogs?

As far as your "friends" are concerned.. They are ******** that are using you. Unless you absolutely need their presence in your life I suggest that you stave away from people like that.

If you feel apprehensive about talking to the girl in person tell her how you feel over the phone or IM. You don't have to pour your soul into it. Just give her a couple of details about how much you enjoy her company and how you feel.
You might even want to throw the bit in about how you just wanted to see her happy.
Girls have an innate sense about guys. She probably already knows but hasn't acted on her intuition because you seem distant. Once she knows how you feel concretely I think you will be able to open up to her on a first hand person to person basis.

Don't be afraid to tell her.

Good luck mate.

Last edited by Xanovaria on 14 Jun 2009, 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

From what I see, it was not your fault. The people to blame would be your friend and the person who asked him to kiss the girl he got the number off.

Sorry, I didn't realise it was so long

At the time I was hoping that my friend wouldn't screw around with her, as she was my friends sister, but obviously that didn't stop him I guess I tried to do the right thing, but it just backfired horrifically.



I'm stuck firmly in the friend zone, and she doesn't date many people. What your suggesting might have worked a few months ago, but even then I think it's a little unfair to ask her out when I have no social skills whatsoever, she deserves better (back to the cliche )

Try it you might be surprised. Hell...she's probably been waiting for you to say something. If you're willing to go this far to please her, believe me...she couldn't do any better than you.

She deserves better than your friend who cheated. You ARE better than him. Being socially inept is no crime!

You did nothing wrong; it's not your fault your friend was cruel to her. That's his fault. Please don't blame yourself.

Just by the way, I will never understand this philosophy some people have about how if you're in a different country, you can do whatever the hell you like. Like, vegetarians who eat meat when they're on vacation, etc.

That was nasty of the guys. There is no reason on this earth that could make this ok. You and this girl you like deserve better people than that to be around. I do think trying to tell her that you like her may be a good idea. I think that trying to be there for her when she has been so hurt is a very good idea. You weren't to know that these guys were lower than chewing gum stuck to pavement regarding women.

The fact that he tended to mess about with unrelated girls (ones that you don't know well) was a hint about his behaviour but the really evil guy was her brother by suggesting that this guy go after the other girl. Though all the guys there, apart from you, seem like scum as far as I see it.

I went for it, and told her how I feel (obviously I didn't mention any of this, that's too...deep to just randomly mention in a PM). She replied with the classic "I don't want to ruin our friendship", like I expected, but at least she knows now. It's ironic, isn't it?; the one person in the world who I understand, and read they're emotions and body language, and I still can't tell what she actually thinks of me We're still cool though, dank sie Gott

.

He meant it as more of a sly joke to show us how little he cared about her; of course her being abroad made no difference, we all knew that.

She said she's not interested in dating anyone for the next few years, she was genuinely heartbroken by all this. She's still obsessed with my friend, and I'm pretty sure he'll screw with her again, but it's not as if it's my place to do anything, I'm nothing.

I think my shutdown was the start of something crap, my friends know I'm not NT now, and while my AS friend doesn't suspect anything yet, my shortie friend keeps suggesting that I'm schitzophrenic (of course, he has no idea what schitzophrenia is ).

I'm feeling a lot more unstable and "vulnerable" than usual, and things have been going bad for me in general. My parents are considering divorce, there's been fights in the house with my sister and mother three or four time a day for years (it wakes me up in the morning, I can't get to sleep until 3 at night so I'm exhausted). My senses have become dulled, I don't feel pain anymore, I was hit full force today by a leather football "downstairs" today, I didn't feel it, I was hit in the face and it didn't sting, I was kicked full force in the shin and it felt like someone just brushed against me. I've found out, as well as having AS (which I discoved about a month ago, I think), I probably have Schitzotypy. If I don't feel pain why shouldn't I just pop my wrists open? I'm unhappy, I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life, despite my intelligence I wont be able to hold a job, I'm just going to die anyway so I'f I don't like life why delay the release.

Sorry for the rant, I don't expect any reply's, I hate having to reply to awkward stuff like that myself.

That's brave of you to admit your feelings to her. I hope it brings some sense of relief. It sounds like a lot of things around you are very difficult right now. Try to keep in mind that things can and do change eventually. If you are finding that thoughts of ending it are becoming much stronger than usual, it might be worth mentioning it to a doctor or someone you trust.

ryan93 please don't do that. It's hard for you now but it will get better. My parent did divorce, it was really hard going through it but it's a lot better now.

I'm not going to, I'm a bit better today, my suicidal thought are gone for now (they usually hit me in the evening). The problem is that I can only see life getting worse, and that I mightn't even be able to get a job, when less intelligent and morally ambiguous people can. I've decided to be a bit pro-active about it, I've got a four-hundred page book on psychology, after I get the basics I'm going to get whatever actual students read, I figured psychology is one of the easier fields of medicine and if I'm stuck to get a job in a different field at least I'll have something to fall back on

Does that mean you might become a therapist?

Or were you thinking more the field of psychiatry?

I'd prefer to go into a different medical field (perhaps pathology or radiology), but if for some reason I can't get any of those I'll at least know psychology. It's probably not an ideal field to go into since I have AS, but if it's pretty easy I might as well learn it.

things with the girl I like and my friend reached a climax today, he ignored her texts and then sent her a random text (mittens for kittens ), and she freaked it. At least now I know she genuinely likes me, if only as a friend, we were talking all day. I'm not feeling so guilty now, because at least I tried to make her happy, and I'm still trying