My Mother is Dying

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I am so confused. While she was not the kind of mother I needed and wanted, (being very, very f****d up,) to know that she will no longer inhabit this earth at the same time as me, is crushing. I lost my father last summer, and am still grieving for him. But that was a cleaner parting. This time, I have so many unresolved issues with her, that will now never be healed. To the end, she has remained selfish, and self-centered. I have advised the sibling that she lives with, to place her in hospice, so that her last moments can be peaceful and dignified. His house is so chaotic, that it can't be easy for her.

My mother was similar, selfish and manipulative to the very end. It's a strange thing to be an orphan. sympathies.

Hartz - It's hard. My condolences. - Nan

when my mother was dying, she was so querulous and just as judgemental (that was her thing) as she ever was, so I do know what you mean. But she roused herself from her morphine induced slumbers once and called my father off of me because he had woken her by thundering his contempt for funerals and how I had "better not have one for your mother and me!" She told him in her deep twangy Kansas voice "Aww Newt, lay off!" and my father finaly finished up his thoughts and did "lay off".

It touched me, Hartz. It touched me deeply as an act of kindness from a woman unaccustomed to being kind and I was glad I caught it and have it as a lasting memory of my mother. Maybe she was thinking about that too.

I hope you have a good memory to keep with you as she goes. Be alert for it, cause it can be anything.

That is what my wish is for you

Merle

Thanks, Merle.

I'm so sorry, Hartzofspace. It must be very hard to deal with this, especially so soon after losing your father. I can't think of any words that'll make things easier, but I do offer my sincere sympathies. Please take good care of yourself. Jenny

I am trying, Jenny. It's so hard. I keep crying.

I think that's a very natural response, Hartz, especially since your feelings about your mother are so confused right now. Have you tried writing down your thoughts and memories about her in a journal or letter? Maybe that would help you to start coming to terms with what's happening. And do you have someone that you can spend some time with so that you're not on your own? You sound like you need company and a hug at the moment. I'm so sorry you're feeling upset.

Hi Hartz. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I hope you're not offended if I pray for you, I can't think of anything else.

I wish you the best.

I know I'm just someone off the internet but I cried when I read this.

This is very confusing but what I'm also going through. I've lost both my grandparents and nephew this year. I can't imagine what this might be like.

My grandmother was goind crazy and I felt so guilty for not seeing her even when she asked of me. I hope you can forgive your mother (not to excuse what she did to you)..and let this go. I know my grandmother wasn't right in the head..I can't sit here and say what your mother was like. I really hope there's healing process for you. This must be very hard.

(((hugs)))

If there's anything I learned in life, it's that no one's perfect not even the "bad guys". It looks like you've done everything you could have. I think why this gets me is..I don't know what it's like to not be connected to one's mother. I hope you have a mother figure somewhere in your life. They mean a lot to us since we can confide to them.

Wishing you well,

Alice.

I'm so sorry of what you're going through. It's bad enough that you lost a father (who was probably kind to you) and now you're losing a mother. I hope you'll be okay.

My mother died almost half a year ago and I still can't get used to the idea. It probably takes many years. I keep unconsciously waiting for her to come and criticize me for being different.

The worst of it is that my younger sister, who displays Aspie traits, never returns my calls. She does this all the time. I wanted to make sure she sees that my mother is admitted to a hospice center.

Passages topic

I just saw your topic, Hartzofspace.

My mother died five years ago today but I made peace with her a few months before she passed.

During the last visit I had with her, she was uncharacteristically apologizing for past wrongs. I had never heard her do this before. I told her not to worry about it, and i meant it. I knew even then she was ill with cancer, but she was still living at home, and I did not anticipate her dying in the next few days. Then two months later she fell and was rushed to the hospital, having stopped breathing after she fell. I guess all her body functions just stopped.

But anyway, Hartz, maybe you can just say goodbye in your own way. If you have a last good visit, this will be how you remember her. This is why I make sure I hug my kids goodbye when we part for what ever reason. Never leave your loved ones in anger, so that if something happens there will be good memories. This is what I hope for you.

Thank you, sartresue. I think I had my last good visit with her at Christmas.