Had a really depressing dream last night.

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Those that have seen alot of my posts know that the thing I really want is a decent relationship.

Last night I had a dream that God came to me and told me I will never have that.

That is basically your fear.

what else did he say?

That would be depressing.

I wish God would talk to me.

What did god look like in you dream?

That was all he said and he looks like a normal person. But for some reason I knew it was God.

What god exactly? Allah? Vishnu? Odin?

You do realize that it's in your head?

You're actually having those dreams of God talking down to you? I feel for you.

I just want you to know that no matter how malevolent the universe begins to seem, you have at least one person on your side. I don't really know what else to say.

I hope you feel better. Don't pay attention to that fool in your dreams who thinks he's God.

Well, you still have great odds for indencent relationships. Nothing wrong with those. Often, they can be more fun!

I actually had a dream that God called me a loser! He lifted me in the air telekinetically and shouted something like, "Go ahead and die, you loser!" -- I'm not sure exactly what he said -- and these dreams, in my mind, constitute a festering flaw on the face of fundamentalism, a sadistic scar on sweet, sensitive souls, and if we didn't stand up to a God like that, then we'd all be losers.

That was four years ago. I was 22. Now I've just about finished writing an essay depicting Christ as a liar and a heartbreaker after reading the Gospels. This theory will explain Christianity as a tool to get people to try harder for a greater expected reward, only to have that 'reward' snatched away at the last minute.

One of the biggest problems is: What are we going to do about Christmas? We can't let this torture continue! At the same time, we can't just bulldoze every sweet carol ever written, can we? We're going to have to find some way to salvage the good of the holidays while at the same time confessing that the teachings of Christ aren't all acceptable.

OMG, that`s awful, Ken! I bet that wasn`t God; that was the devil pretending to be God; don`t believe that you will never ahve a decent relationship; that`s probably not true!


I also had a horrible dream once; it was where me and my bf were feeding our infant son, he was sitting in his little infant seat, and hthen he sto^pped eating and making noise and his head sagged and he was still and my bf said`"Poor baby. He just died." Then I woke up and my baby was making noise like he was hungry and I was so happy to go feed him and change his sh***y diapers! And I kept saying,`"I`m so happy you`re alive; I`m so happy I`m changing your poopy diaper right now and that you`re making noise and trying to get attention and just peed all over the place while I was changing you!"


I had several dreams in which I died too, and some in which my father died, and some in which my mother died, starting when I was 10. In one of them I walked into my mother`s bedroom, she was old (or at least looked old; her hair was white) and sick and I realized she was dead, and she was lying in bed, and I talked to her and tried to wake her up but it was too late, and I got into bed with her and rubbed my teddy bear against her face and apologized for not giving her enough attention and affection while she was still alive to appreciate it, and that made me so sad for at least a month; I cried every day about it. That dream also had a soundtrack; some music I found depressing; and that made it worse. It made it sweet in a way, but worse for me maybe.