"Because it`s my house", "Because I said so&q

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They should inform every child that if they are unhappy at home, they can be moved, but too often they don`t inform them. So the child thinks he`s stuck where he is, and often epopel even tell him he`s stuck where he is. And since he can`t be happy where he is, he feels like that`s his fault and that he just must not be good at surviving in difficult situations, and sometimes people even tell him one or both of those things. This is abuse. And then the telling him "Obey me without question, because this is my house." Or, "Obey me without question, because I said so." He did not ask to live in this house. He did not even consent to it. Often even with people who choose to be there, though they chose to take the chance that they might ve unhappy there, they are mostly not informed of what they are getting into. And the child, when told "Because I said so", or "Because this is my house", tyhinks and3or is told that he just doesn`t understand how it`s logical to obey the parent blindly because it`s the parent`s house or because the parent said so, and the child pretends he does understand because he does not want to admit his ignorance or stupidity, even though he isn`t ignorant or stupid, and often the parent knows that the child isn`t ignorant or stupid and that it is illogical to obey the parent blindly because the aprent said so or because it`s the parent`s house, but the parent wants the child to believe that because it`s convenient for the parent. This is torture.

I don't belive I've ever said this is my house and you must do XYZ because I said so to ethier of my kids. But pushing a child out of the house that is ill prepared for the world is worst then making them pick-up there dirty clothing or what ever chore the parents have "inflicted" on the child in question. Sure they can move out when the are of age if the can remeber to wash them selfs , eat , pay bills, wear clean underwear. I the case of my younger son wear clothing at all. The old I said so thing come out when a mother/father is at the very end of their rope with a kid that questions every thing and will badger a parent in to the ground. Example:

Parent : Hey Jhonnny will you take out the trash
Kid : Why?
Parent : Because it's starting to smell
kid : I don't smell it
Parent : Well. I do so please take it out
Kid :Why can't Jill do it
Parent : Jill did the dishes
Kid : so she can take out the trash too
Parent : No, I asked you to do it
Kid : Why?
Parent :Beasuse I said so and this is my house now do it.
parent leaves to got get a drink and wonder why the heck they had kids. Kid takes out the trash and thinks if I move out that will show them , comes back in goes to their nice room eats a hot pocket plays 6 hours of Wow and passes out. Tells everyone how mean the parent is the next day when shocking the trash must be taken out again. If this is torture and abuse slap the cuffs on every parent in the world. I orginal posted this on the parents forum sorry if the tone is a bit rough.

The only (appropriate) comment I could think of... Some people have different problems than others...

And I'm very very sure that the fact that a kid has to obey his/her parents whilst staying with them is NOT cause enough to take them away.

That`s not always the case though.


I meant to post this in the parents`forum but oh well.

At what age do you think a child has reason and consent, Ana?


M.

Any child at any age can be unhappy where they are and need another place. Any child at any age can be abused in any way.


And responding to something someoen said earlier in this thread: Actually, it`s good to question authority when you really don`t know the answers to the questions, but if they do and are just trying to get out of work or whatever, the parent should try and see what the child is feeling and why they are doing it instead of getting angry or impatient with them or punishing them or saying`"because I said so" or "because it`s my house".


I hate it when people misunderstand my opinions about these things and assume I have no sense or am spoiled or something.

Respectfully, I disagree. The needs and protection of children are absolute and essential, but I do not agree with the idea that a child is capable of choosing where s/he should live, and what is 'right'... and there are adults who fall into this category as well, it isn't necessarily determined with age, but with experience, understanding of consequences, and support. Just because someone is 'unhappy' isn't a cause to move heaven and earth - happiness is not guaranteed to anyone, only the opportunity to choose and pursue it.


M.

I think I've posted something like this before but here I go again. If your kids like you all the time your not doing your job as a parent. If we don't try and get our kids ready for the world by teaching them how to be safe, clean and some basic rules for getting along with others then our kids will end-up homeless or in jail. Any kid isn't going to love being told to do their homework, pick their socks and go say your sorry to little billy for taking his toy and hand it back. I'm sorry but this the way life is and it's far far more abusive to ethier not teach your childern how to behave and telling your kids ok go live somewere else? What the hell is that about? Were? Never, Never land? There is no were on this earth were a child won't have to do things they don't like . I've got to go change a catbox when I'm done here fun, fun. But it's got to be done.

Ah yes, let's have children learn less responsibility and show less respect than they already do...

Fail.

Children have to do what they're told.

If there's a good reason to do something, the parent should damn well explain it, not just fob us off with lame excuses. I don't think this makes me a spoilt brat or anything, I think it's perfectly reasonable to only obey rules that are backed up by logic. If the parent says to go jump off a cliff, should the child do so?!

Try these things Ana and Gina

1. Just do as the parent says when they say it.
a. Do not give any back talk at all.
b. Do not grumble
c. Do not moan
d. Do not whine.

2. Be observant of a time your parent(s) are not busy

3. Ask the question why this certain chore or whatever had to be done when number 2 is satisfied. If the said parent is reasonable they'll be more than happy to explain it.

4. The only time to break rules 1-3 is if you see a danger in obeying the parental instructions. The danger includes committing a crime by the said parent.

Follow these rules when dealing with your parents and I say explicitly state these rules to your children you may have in the future.

"Because you need to learn responsibilty, that's what being a kid is all about."
"Because everyone has chores in this house and you are all each assigned a chore to do, your sister does the dishes, you take out the trash, I take care of you kids and the house."
"What if I decided to stop doing my job so I stop cooking, stop buying you kids food, stop taking you to your doctor appointments or to your baseball game or practise or to your gymnastics, stop doing laundry, stop cutting the grass, stop doing gardening." The list goes on.

Boy imagine if parents stopped doing their job because they have to do it all the time and never got anyhting in return, they don't get paid to take care of their kids and taking care of the house, the kids would starve, they wouldn't be going to school because they woudln't have a mom to nag them to get going or to take them to school for missing the bus, they get so far behind in school because they didn't do their homewoprk because their parents didn't make them do it, their clothes are dirty all the time, the house is a dump because the parents never clean, the kids are being neglected because the parents are not taking care of them. Before they know it, the social sevices come and take the kids.

I have seen very messy homes and I can tell they have kids because I see toys all over and a swingset and the house looks very run down and it's a pigsty and I feel sorry for the kids having to live in that dump. I am always greatful I had a mother who cleaned and kept our yard neat and took good care of my brothers and I. I always wonder what it's like for the kids who grow up in a dump but then they go to a home that is clean? When I go to a home that is a mess, I do not even want to stay the night there and I find it gross and wonder how can people stand living like that. I know the kids don't know the difference because they grew up living that way so I can imagine them growing up being messy people and never taking care of their home and letting it be messy all the time because they hardly clean or don't keep their place picked up. The mess gets bigger and bigger if it's never taken care of so it's best to take care of it now once it starts.

In the "old days" people went to work at the age of 14 and were probably married by 18.

But in "our world" you have only finished school at 18 and will be going to college until you are in your mid 20's.

24 year old man: "Hey Dad can I have some money to go to the movies and can I borrow the car?'

How degrading is that?

"Clean up your room or I will stop your pocket money"