Freaking out...fidgeting like crazy

Post Reply New Topic

out of anxiety medication...at work...want to go home... afraid somebody will talk to me... lights too bright... it smells here
found baby spider on arm... spiders hatched in room somewhere... can't find source... spent 20 mins looking before bed... couldn't sleep
mid year review soon... have to be alone in room with people, talk about feelings i don't understand... have to make up fake answers and goals... too much
need meds

Hi drowbot, how's it going, sorry to hear you're in problems, so you're at work without valium, I can't stand spiders, what work do you do? I've given up work. Well technically I'm still rostered Saturday

That sucks. Do you have more meds at home? You can tell them you're not feeling well and go to get them?

So yeah, you're at work, do they let you cry n stuff at work, they put me in the quiet room often at work. And even when I'm at my desk I do vokkol work, I would be too scared to sleep with spiders nearby, I am rocking around at work, people get upset about that, but duty of care, you know. What is your midyear review? I've given up those, work and study,

forgive stream of consciousness nature of posts... difficulty typing, forming thoughts... keep hitting same key repeatedly, difficult to stop... leg is tired from shaking
get more meds after work perhaps... quiet room available, but only for pregnant women
afraid to ask to go home...was home sick friday... still sick... end of month, too, want to stay and get numbers up... afraid to be disruptive or nuisance... don't think they like me as i am not social at all... must maintain good work habits so as not to get fired for not being liked... had job for year and half... never had job that long, don't want to lose it... i sit in a cubicle and draw engineering judgements using CAD program...
people submitting requests for drawing getting lazy, leave out lots of important info... can't get over anxiety enough to go ask for clarification, have to make lots of assumptions which lead to mistakes that are not my fault
mid-year review is evaluation of performance by 2 bosses... in room alone with them, have to come up with career goals and answer odd questions about my "work style" that are based entirely on emotion... don't understand it, don't have career goals, just want paycheck... they don't like to hear that... review not today, but must submit form for review...worried about it coming up soon... also have 4th of july function to go to at wife's uncle's soon... worried about it... trying to build conversation scenarios for both unpleasant events in my head

also forgot to mention i have no official diagnosis, but i know i have A.S.... i have a lot of trouble calling a doctor for appointment... don't know what to say... but without official diagnosis, i am afraid to ask for any special treatment, although work is aware of A.S. (don't think they understand what it is, they tried not to laugh when i told them the name of it...wish Hans Asperger was named Hans Awesome)

thank you for support

I've found it's best not to think of too many things at once, or I will freak out. Just sit quietly for a minute and ignore all other thoughts.

I see, I don't spose you're eligible for the DSP or whatever it's called where you are? I like. I can forget work and study. Distant memories now. I like to dawdle, sit in front of the TV when it is off. My career goals are achieved. This doesn't help you I spose. I dó have the opportunity to have a normal life....

what is dsp?

Disability Support Pension - $600 /fortnight for all people that can prove they have Aspergers

don't think we have that here... i hear conflicting reports of success/failure and getting that kind of support for A.S. in the workplace... even if i could get disability check, i couldn't live on it
working from home would be nice, but i think that is just wishful thinking

Yes, it allows me to pay the bills, but I'll never work decent hours again. I'm so burnt out I can barely work one day a week. Burnt out is not the best word, it implies that I have been making an effort.

Great, I finally get myself calmed down a bit and I get an email saying that we are having another touchy-feelly team-building "camp" and we have to stay two nights in some lodge.
I'm not doing it. It is 30 minutes from my house and there is no reason I need to stay there overnight. I will not stay there. I have to get my diagnosis this month so I have some backing to refuse...

Why on earth does your employer want to do that? I would refuse to go too

There is this big thing in the U.S. called "corporate culture" which basicially means the big companies think that if they group their employees together and make them do a bunch of pseudo-scientific BS they heard about on Oprah it will make us all better employees. It is universally hated by everybody but the people that set it up. I went to one when I first started at this company and it was a NIGHTMARE. Mind you, this was before I knew I had A.S. so I didn't know there was an actual medical reason these things were 100,000 time more painful for me than the other workers. They made me make a poster about myself, play kindergarten level games with other people I didn't know, do cheers and even stand in a circle and give each other massages (I will flat out refuse if they ask me to do that again, and if they don't like it I will happily see them in court.)
It is total BS and has nothing to do with work. They are keeping this thing funded while laying people off at the same time.
A better idea would have been to do away with this instead of some people's jobs.

If you have access to a health food store, you might try Rescue Remedy.

I don't really buy into homeopathy, but thank you.