Ranting

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Ok this is going to be very disjointed and a bit of a mind dump.

Just come out of session 4 with my shrink, I'm 23 and have been living with AS for 15 years now, I'm going to leave this shrink as her slant on AS is that its not an illness and more of a difference than anything else which rilled my back up. She told me I should accept it and connect with other people who suffer from AS so I could find my place in the world, something that I consider to be giving up on ever tring to fit in.

She told me about this site and after reading a bit into it I dont really think its for me but thought I should leave my view, this site seems to be all about just accpting the fate of AS and giving into it and tring to change the world to fit us into it when all i've ever done in my life is struggle to fit in and find a way of presenting my self to the public to try and get them to accept me without having to define myself by AS, almost every person I've meet in my life from hippies to CEO's from teenagers to old folk shun me if i tell them what i have or find me too strange to have around if i dont, Everyday of my life i try to find ways to act normally and then my shrink tells me to just accept it and come here only to find the bulk of people running around trying to change the world to fit their views

Its not going to be a popular view around here and I doubt i'll post again but in my mind people with AS are the ones who have to change, we are not the majority, I'm the person with the defect, I have to change, Not the rest of the world

Hi, BrownBear, and welcome to Wrong Planet. I don't have Asperger's, but I have two friends who do and I've often seen how hard they've tried to "fit in". I think you'll hear a whole range of views about AS here on WP, and you may not agree with a lot of them. The important thing, though, is that this is a place where you can talk about your difficulties with people who really WILL understand and who may be able to make practical suggestions about how to cope. I hope you do post again- this is a very accepting community, and it sounds like you could really use some acceptance at the moment. Best wishes, Jenny.

I'm only really here so i can say to my shrink that I was here which is ironic since I'll be finding a new one who isnt so anti-meds. I'm not looking for acceptence all I want is to be normal and not have to have people make special social exceptions in order to be around me, I'm a burden on them all

If you're feeling like a "burden" then I'd say that you DO need some acceptance. Why SHOULDN'T people make some social accommodations to meet your needs? Would you feel the same way about someone who was in a wheelchair or who was vision-impaired and needed ramps installed or text-reading software put on their computer? Or who was diabetic and needed regular meal breaks and a special diet? Lots of people in the community need special "exceptions" to be made. You have as much right to be around other people as anyone else, ok?

In the examples you've listed you dont consider that the people that are vison-impaired or wheelchair bound etc feel/wish that they weren't a burden.

I'd give up my life, my job, my income, my few "friends" and family to be an average workingclass joe with a wife and kids, To me right now I'm a burden on everyone I have to deal with and the thought of having a wife and family makes me feel selfish because I'd be even more of a burden on them

I have no place in this world, nowhere I belong and all I want is to be normal

I'm not in any way denying that you FEEL that way, BrownBear, just pointing out that maybe you're being too hard on yourself.

In what ways do you feel that you're a burden on the people you deal with? Is that what they're telling you?

People in general shun me as creppy and strange unless I tell them I have AS in which case I'm cast out as a lepper, Those that have to deal with me for work and various semi-social work related things find that they have to change things to make me seem atleast a little bit normal, They limit the sizes of functions that I attend in order not to spook me with 50 unknown people, if they cant they arrange for a "time-out" room. Important new clients are warned about me and asked to make everything verbal and clear.

My private life is alot easier, I goto bars alot to avoid being a hermit and isolated where I sit and drink alone, from time to time people will come and talk to me and find a reason to leave sometime later. I'm called names etc and get abuse from strangers. Those that are as close to me as you can really get find they spend most of a night out with me defending me and protecting me.

I'm a tall white guy in a Suit or Suit/Jeans clean shaven and been told I look attractive but yet people just know that something is defective with me

I've been called a creep and other names too.I now basically once in a while do the bar thing or have a bottle of whiskey to myself in my room.I am a 23 year old female living in Red Deer, Alberta, Canada.I am a college student.Most of my classmates ignore me or say things behind my back.I have been stood up and left to look like an idiot.The only one who really talks to me is the bartender at the campus bar and I don't even know if she really does like me...prolly thinks Im a creep just as many others do.I am studying to be a paralegal.I only have one more year left of school then I graduate.I cant wait to finally start working in a law firm, buy a house, and have a whole big room where I can get away and focus on my interests.The world has no interest in me so therefore at the moment I show no interest to the world.There are times when I wish I was normal too, but being here with people who have the same thing as me gives me a refuge where I can be me and not be judged and speak my mind on how I feel and they understand.

Your employer values you enough to want to keep you feeling comfortable. You're obviously a good worker.

What is it that people find "creepy and strange"? Do you have trouble making conversation or do you have difficulties with eye contact and facial expression, or is it something else? Are you sure that they "shun" you, or are you being overly self-conscious?

Sitting and drinking alone in a bar doesn't sound great. Is there somewhere else you could go- maybe take up a sport or join some sort of social club? I'm glad you've got some friends who are prepared to protect you, though- obviously they care about you.

I'm so sorry, BrownBear, it sounds like you're finding things tough at the moment.

Yeah I have to work my ass off to keep this job, I have to be above-average in it otherwise the things the company does to let me work would be better spent on hiring 2 normal people

I cant read non-verbal cues, Eye contact is either too little or too much, I cant do small talk etc. They basiclly pick up on me being screwed up mentally.

Sitting alone in a bar is safer to me than some social club or sport, I dont have anything I could really do so I sit back, Have a beer and people watch, trying to learn more about how to interact but never getting it.

This isnt some ruff patch, I've been like this for most of my life and all of my adult life, The closest thing to having a place in this world is filling the role of town freak

I'd kill people by the millions if it would cure AS

Hmmm, killing people probably isn't going to add to your popularity, BrownBear, but I understand your point- that you'd do ANYTHING to not have AS.

Can you practise your eye contact and smalltalk on someone supportive- friends, family members? I know it's not fair that these things don't come naturally to you, but many people here on WP have talked about teaching themselves to improve their skills in these areas. A lot of smalltalk can be rote-learned. And you're NOT "screwed up mentally"- AS isn't a mental illness. Calling yourself a "town freak" won't help, either. I suppose you were bullied and called that sort of name at school, were you?

As Tory_canuck pointed out, Wrong Planet can offer you a lot of support- you have a place in THIS world, anyway.

Yeah I dont think this place is for me, I am screwed up mentally, My brain doesnt work the same way as everyone else, It's defective.

But to answer your question, yes, I've been bullied all of my life by kids and adults alike. I have attempted to practice the eyecontact and smalltalk with "friends" It only drove them away, I dont dare ask my family. To them i'm their crowning glory being the only child and only grandchild and they see my job and life as being good, I will not shatter that

Give WP a chance- you might be surprised at how many people think and feel a similar way to you.

I'm glad you've got family members who love and admire you- surely that counts for a lot. If they can feel that way, it's likely a girl will feel the same way about you some day- you're only 23, after all. I can see that it places you under a lot of pressure not to disappoint them, though. Do they know you have AS?

I meant that you could practise with a friend who knows you have AS and is prepared to help. Have you ever asked someone for help like that?

In what way do you think you're "screwed up mentally"? Are you referring to the effects of your AS or to something else? And "defective" is a horrible word- it sounds like something you picked from the people who bullied you. Bullies are the ones who are defective, not the people they target.

My family admire me for my work and status in life, my mother knows i have AS but nobody else in the family.

The "friends" that I have that know I have AS i tip-toe around making sure I keep them as "friends" asking them to help is likely too much to ask, I dont ask for help as I shouldnt have to, my whole purpose in life to to try and fit in and avoid people having to change things just for me.


I'm defective because the part of my brain that would make me fit in, give me normal social skills either isnt there or is messed up. To that degree I do belive that I am defective/broken

"My whole purpose in life to to try and fit in and avoid people having to change things just for me."

That shouldn't be ANYONE'S "whole purpose in life", BrownBear- it sounds like you spend your whole time trying not to inconvenience others. You're a person, and you're entitled to expect some consideration in return. Has your "shrink" talked to you about assertiveness and self-esteem? It sounds like you'll really need to work on them.

Ok, your social functioning may be below average, but that doesn't make you "defective" or "broken", just not good socially. There's a LOT more to you than just your social skills. A lot of people aren't very social, including people who don't have Asperger's. You're loved, you're employed, you're apparently presentable to look at and you're obviously intelligent, and those things count at least as much as social skills.

Yeah I'm not going to go ahead and eat chicken if i dont like chicken but this is a little more than just some considerations, When your boss goes and changes table layouts and arranged table groups so that I know atleast one person at a table thats uncalled for and he shouldnt have to

I just want a fix to this problem, not some wish-it-away CBT to treat a symptom. I'm only loved because I'm blood, I'm employed because i throw myself at my job to take me away from having to have a personal life.

This isnt the place for me, I dont need to accept who I am I need to change it so i'm normal. Thankyou for your time tho. This will be my last post