bad pattern catching up on me :(

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first 2 months of practice work was cool.

my co-workers are few, quicky, and knowledgeable, theyre awesome
the work i do is also very cool since it pretty much consists of examining tons of old archaeological reports

but i havent gone there in 2 weeks now.
call in sick.
and just barely, at that. i have missed 6 days... theyre even very positive towards me, replying in a friendly way, even adding smileys "hope you feel better soon"
i hate myself for this...

im gonna lose this job too, and im gonna dissapoint everyone for the billionth time...

That is very similar to the situation at my work. I have a good job, and good co-workers and team leaders. But I couldn't cope or do any work. So they reduced me to one shift a week. And I still don't go most of the time. Not your fault you have Aspergers. I'm lucky my job it is not crucial that I am there to run the business. Not my fault I don't go to that work either

on one hand, its very relaxed. its a practice job paid by social services.

on the other hand, im undiagnosed, and none of them know whats wrong w me. none in my family either. the only one who knows is my social worker, who helped me get a 3 days a week, instead of a full week, cus i told her a full week = utterly pointless.

i just feel bad cus nobody has a fever for 2 weeks, and im not depressed i dont want them to think im totally down and feel sorry for me... i dont wanna announce stuff for them either. its just very tiresome to deal w it... next day i have to come to work, and be totally nonchalant about my being away, cus i wasnt sick, i wasnt down and i dont have anything against them. i just decided to skip work for 2 weeks...

hmm not sure what to tell you, I had that throughout high school and uni so I know how that works, you just can't go there and that's it.

if your financial situation is such that you can afford not going, then it's not all that bad. but if you tried maybe it wouldn't be all that bad...? even if you fail, you said yourself that it's not some huge career there. but chances are you won't right? kinda hypocritical of me to say that, I'm terrified of failing like nobody's business, but a few things that I made myself do because I *had* to, I managed to not screw up completely. but then again, you need motivation.

and if I were you I'd consider going to a psych anyway.