Trying to resist becoming obsessed, think I'm failing.

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I realized not too long ago that I literally need an obsession, for want of a better term, in order to function at any level. Just recently, I seem to have lost my obsessive interest in my gaming, or anything else I enjoy doing. This in itself isn't anything new or detrimental, because I always find something else to replace it, but always at random. Sometimes it's a person, an actress or singer, famous and entirely out of reach, that fills the obsession for awhile. On one occasion, before I had any understanding or even heard of AS, it was a local girl, and disaster erupted. It wasn't entirely my fault, but that's really beside the point.

I recently visisted my parent's trailer-cabin in a lakeside community some distance away, and enjoyed myself, to everyone's surprise. I went back again, in my head the hopes of meeting someone, with the fantasy of it turning into a summertime romance, or even more, and spent the first afternoon at the only common area, the pool. While there, I saw a girl who in every way--and this is no exaggeration--fit the physical image of my ideal woman, in every detail. Naturally, I was stunned, and briefly thought I was hallucinating, but that wasn't the case. I discreetly observed her at the pool for awhile, and caught glimpses of her personality, which seemed to fit even more into my ideal. Because I'm such a coward, I wasn't able to talk to her, despite knowing exactly what I wanted to say, and having multiple opportunities to say it. I didn't see her again the entire weekend, and even spent most of the next day at the pool getting a mild sunburn, hoping she'd come back, but no such luck. I think I did really well over that weekend by keeping my imagination and obsession in check, and managed to focus only on wanting to meet her, and nothing else.

It's been over a week since. I haven't even been down there again due to prior commitments, but I'm planning on going next weekend, and I still hope to meet her. I'm really trying not to obsess about her, or fantasize about what I wish things would be like, but it's really taking its toll on me. I'm starting to lose focus on everything else, becoming easily distracted, and even getting so drained I doze off in the middle of the day. Any other time, I'd just let loose, burn out and move on, but how often am I going to be so close to actually meeting the girl of my dreams?

I know exactly what I want to say to her if and when I ever get a chance to meet her. I want to tell her that I noticed her before, that I found her quite attractive, and that I really wanted to meet her. I think I can do that without any expectations beyond meeting her, but I don't think I can shut out the hopes/wishes/dreams/whatever. If I can go in expecting nothing more, then I hope I won't be too upset if she rejects me, and if she actually is interested in taking things further, then the pleasant surprise would be well worth it.

The same sort of thing happens to me. I let my mind run wild with the thoughts about a certian person or situation but I always have the anchoring thought in the back of my mind that "remember this is imaginary NOT reality" and you have to be willing to accept that the reality may not play out like your imagination! I suggest you include in your thought process the thoughts that this may not work out as planned so that IF it doesn't work out you won't be completely left in the dumps. I have personally found this last bit helpful.

Perhaps the wrong person to be giving relationship advice but... Telling an attractive woman the first time you met her that she is attractive really won't go down well. Indeed, telling her this at all prior to dating probably will not go down well. You need to talk to her in the capacity of a friend, firstly because that's the only route that will work if you want her to become attracted to you and secondly so you can move your obsession from the idealised view you currently have to one focused on who she actually is, lessening the obsession in the process.

Hope this doesn't sound critical and I'd certainly suggest you give it a go if you like her, you've only so much to loose and much to gain. But going about this well is crucial and I'd strongly suggest talking to her first and letting things develop. I appreciate this method is much more drawn out and problematic than simplying tell her you are attracted but that how it usually goes. Perhaps you could post on the woman's board for advise.

I would say go slowly and carefully. Be friendly, but not more than that at first. Don't assume more closeness than truly exists. Especially take care not to appear that you are obsessive about her.

I have had this kind of thing happen to me, by the way, and it's not flattering. It's unnerving, even scary. Just yesterday, in fact, a man that I knew for basically one day, and only casually at that, in all seriousness asked me to drive to California with him. I was almost speechless. Even if I'd had the slightest inclination to do something like that (which I didn't), a man so lacking in understanding about "appropriateness" would scare me off. I'm thinking that it's possible he had noticed me before, and in his own mind considered that he "knew" me longer than 24 hours. Either way, it's scary.

Not that his actions reflect on you, but I'm saying be really careful about appearing obsessive.

Anyway, what also struck me about your post is that you are basing your feelings about her solely on your "physical ideal". That's not a very firm foundation on which to base such powerful feelings. Consider this ... what you're doing is the equivalent to what NT's do to us.

Take it easy. Go slow. Be sincere. Be yourself. If that's not good enough for her, then you don't want her anyway.

He does mention he saw glimpses of her personality, not that you can know someone by looking at them but I can relate in that I'll sometimes see how someone handles themselves from far away and see things that I can associate with.

Examples would be, for instance, a woman being friendly, smilling a lot, inside a dance club, just dancing for fun, with her friends, and being a bit goofy. Although that woman could be a complete b**ch, acting this way in that setting would make me much more attracted to her than, say, a model-looking girl who acts like she's above everyone else.

Again, I don't know if that's what the OP meant but I can relate, if it is.

the more you obsess, the more you obsess, the more you obsess.

quit it

and DO NOT GO BACK.

your obsessions allready have given you many a joyful mental image, im sure, shes laughing, your running together slow motion over flowery fields

IT NEVER HAPPENED.
you have NOT known her for years and years

she doesnt SHARE YOUR mental images! you know what im saying?

if you think youll get her, by returning, stalking and obsessing, your gonna have a huge dissapointment coming your way.

just chill man, and go back to your original plan of not obsessing.

I think you'd do well to listen really carefully to the ladies on this issue.