NOTHING'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER!

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I am 21, live with my mom, dad, and brother. My problem this time is with my mom--and it has been an ongoing problem as well.

Just recently, I got a job, It's 10 hours/week (When I told her this, she responded with a disgusted "oh"--and of course, she denies this and accuses me of putting words in her mouth ). This may not seem like a lot, but the program that I'm in deals with people who have disabilities (FEGS). It will enable me to work as a volunteer to wherever they place me while being paid by FEGS. I've tried VESID, too, but I overslept the appointment--not to mention the fact that the person I talked to on the phone did not know what Asperger's even was

Ever since I have gotten that job, my mom has been pressuring me to look into retail. I would not be good just pressing buttons and ringing things up. It makes no sense to me. There's no position in a retail where people come to you, talk about what they want, and you help them pick something out. Instead, it's your job to SELL it to them, something that I know I would not be good at. That, or you're expected to remain unfalteringly cheerful when you're having a bad day when dealing with (sometimes difficult) customers.

My question is: What can I do that will actually make her proud of me, instead of her pressuring me to do what SHE wants to do? I would be perfectly happy making $300/month (though it's not enough for the time being) for a little while so this way I can actually be TRAINED for stuff such as:
Conflict Management
Stress Management
etc. (Basically, job skills that I will actually NEED!)
But, of course, this seems to matter little to her. She also appears to be in "Denial" that I even have a disability, always telling me that I am "quirky" rather than admit the fact that, while I may not be on the far end of the spectrum, certain social skills are simply not fully developed/"normal." An example of this is a job interview.

She also seems so eager to tell me "no" to things. II brought up one time something that I had heard in the program about SSI, and she told me no within the space of 10 minutes before even learning what it was about. I mean, it hasn't even been a WEEK since I started this job and already I'm expected to do retail. It's so obvious she does not appreciate the fact that I have a job (Because it's not what SHE had in mind)--or at least that is how I feel she feels.

For the time being I have told her to NOT talk to me about jobs as all it does is makes me upset (I spent a good 20 minutes crying about this before I posted).

Your mom is definitely in denial. I hope she respects the limit you set. We are not just "quirky" but easily stressed out, and her behavior is stressing you out.

I don't know about you, but under social stress I cannot count change. I have two master's degrees, too.

I know it is less than ideal, but from experience I found bookselling to be the closest retail experience to what you are seeking. Barnes & Noble was decent for a major chain, but even smaller bookstores tend to have customers who have needs, ask for help, and does not require the 'sales' mentality that other product lines demand.

I think you're wise for knowing your limitations and trying to build into them instead of overcompensating only to fall apart later. If you need to talk with her, set ground rules - that you have something that needs to be said, that you want to talk to her but on the condition that you be allowed to finish what you have to say before she begins her response. She may still reject what you say, she might reject the request out of hand, but in either case you have taken the mature and responsible approach.


M.

I can totally relate. I just got my masters, and got hired by a production company after just five weeks as an intern (most usually take 3 to 6 months, sometimes as much as a year). I'm getting paid, and they've got me directing two documentaries for PBS. And yet, when I was discussing apartments with my parents, my mom lets slip that she "expected me to be making 10K more than what I am." And then she has the nerve to tell me I'm overreacting when I get defensive. Trust me, there will ALWAYS be something. You wanna know the best way to fight back? Don't give a damn what the cow says. Do what you think is right. Embrace the freedom to make MISTAKES. At least they're YOUR mistakes. And when they're YOUR successes, they'll be YOURS, and not HERS. And throughout it all, make is clear just how little you care what she thinks. It drives them absolutely nuts. And also remember that someday she's gonna need YOU, not the other way around. Then you get to flip the tables on her, and you have the power.

Until then, surround yourself with people who support you, and to hell with all the rest. They're wastes of flesh!

I can totally relate. I just got my masters, and got hired by a production company after just five weeks as an intern (most usually take 3 to 6 months, sometimes as much as a year). I'm getting paid, and they've got me directing two documentaries for PBS. And yet, when I was discussing apartments with my parents, my mom lets slip that she "expected me to be making 10K more than what I am." And then she has the nerve to tell me I'm overreacting when I get defensive. Trust me, there will ALWAYS be something. You wanna know the best way to fight back? Don't give a damn what the cow says. Do what you think is right. Embrace the freedom to make MISTAKES. At least they're YOUR mistakes. And when they're YOUR successes, they'll be YOURS, and not HERS. And throughout it all, make is clear just how little you care what she thinks. It drives them absolutely nuts. And also remember that someday she's gonna need YOU, not the other way around. Then you get to flip the tables on her, and you have the power.

Until then, surround yourself with people who support you, and to hell with all the rest. They're wastes of flesh!

My mother decides I need to do something and suddenly the fate of all the universe depends upon whether I get this thing done. I'm going to put "Don't You Think You Should" on her gravestone. When I was away from home for the first time and living with my older brother in another town she called me every day to grill me about my job hunting efforts. I was in fact paralyzed with fear and doubt and her constant nagging only made things worse.

The answer is NOTHING!! !

Many people slave their whole lives to try to get approval from a mother or father but it still never happens.

Does it mean that you are not good enough? No, it means that THEY are jerks who don't deserve you.

My father never said a positive thing to me.

Now I have a son in law who is a great guy. Seriously, he is tall and smart and hansom. He has a black belt in karate. He has a huge IQ. He has a job that pays well over 100K a year.

Will his parents approve of him? No. They still won't say "well done".

Well screw them. I am proud of him even if his natural parents aren't.

My oldest brother does everything well and it seems like everything he does turns to gold. My mother is beside herself with pride (my son the doctor). I was very surprised when my sister-in-law told me he felt depressed because he felt like nothing he ever achieved would make our mother proud. I was stunned. He has Aspie traits. Don't assume because you're not hearing it. Some people just feel very awkward giving praise.

No. Some people are as*holes.

A kid comes home and says "I came top of my class"

The dysfunctional parent says "I suppose you cheated" or "Were all the smart kids sick that week?"

absolutely, some people are just as*holes.