Bully gets excuses

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I am living in a group home with 5 other people with Asperger syndrome and one of the other residents bullies me and the other residents. He follows you round all the time to work out what riles you up then does it more then uses the subsequent screaming fits as a way to lash out at us. The other day I said very little in a resident's meeting until the end when I bought up an issue about noise then he suddenly started to make really personal comments about me which has happened a lot before. When I got upset, he leapt out of his chair and ran right into my face screaming 'you little f*****g b***h, why don't you leave, no one wants you here' which really frightened me because I am only 4'10" tall and he has at least 2 1/2 feet on me. He was pratically spitting in my face. Another time he held me hostage in the house because I was crying and wouldn't let me out.

The manager keeps using his AS as an excuse for his behaviour. I think this is a load of crap because I used to be violent and abusive, but I've managed to control it now. I was promised a calm home with minimum noise and no bullying but now I am frightened to leave my room even to feed my rabbit. I've also said to the manager 'what's the point of him being here anyway, he doesn't do anything except sleep all day, shout at us and keep us awake all night.' I'm sick of it, quite literally because my stomach is really sore from all the stress. I want to leave but I cannot.

My God, I couldn't tolerate that. Is there someone above the house manager? Does living in a group home benefit you enough to endure verbal abuse like that? Would you be able to find a tiny studio apartment? This stresses me out just reading about it. There was a time my reaction would be fear but after years of enduring verbal abuse my instinct now is to get f'ing mad.

You have a very stupid manager. Maybe you should start bullying him back and say you can't help it because you have AS and tell the manager you expect her to give you the same treatment she gives the bully. Maybe that will teach her.

Try looking at this site. Keep quiet about it though.

http://www.ekran.no/html/revenge/

I hope this helps.

Do you get any special services or other benefits from living there? Do you need it, or did someone make you believe that you need it? Would you be better off in a small apartment, and would that be possible?

Jim Sinclair does a lecture about institutions, that any place where you don’t make your own choices is an institution. If you have no say, if you can’t come and go as you please, and if you are not able to hire and fire the staff, it is an institution.

Adults don’t have to put up with that kind of nonsense. If someone like that came into your house and bothered you like that, you would call the police.

Is there any way out of there?

In the meantime, maybe you could set yourself up so that your room is like an apartment. Tell yourself that the rest of the building is for others. Get a tiny fridge, a microwave...?

You should definatly try to find your own place. It's completely possible. I think you would be happier living an independent life..and possibly "noise free". Although if you like living in a group home, maybe you can find another one. I wouldn't take the abuse. It sounds like no one is really listening to what this person is doing. Don't stay somewhere where you don't feel safe.

The bully needs way more help. He should be transferred, not kicked out. He should be where people can and know how to handle the hurt he dishes.

Where is Jellybean?
The big question is about why you are there.
Do you need to live in a place like that?
Who made the choice and why?

that manager is stupid,
no one should have to put up with that,

he needs to be transferred out.

Sounds like the dude ought to be arrested.

I'm in a care home in Wyboston. I was really enjoying living here until all this bullying started. It was doing me good having been incarcerated in a hell hole also known as a mental health ward. I wasn't even mentally ill, I was homeless (apparently that is a mental illness nowadays...). Obviously I was really glad to move here but now I am not so sure. I have got a friend here, the only other girl in the house, and she wants to move. She might get that option, but I can't move really. There is a hospital specially for people with ASDs on site but they won't have him because they are 'having issues with another patient at the moment' which is a load of crap because isn't that what they are supposed to deal with in a hospital? Now I have to stay in my room with the door locked because I am scared.

Id recommend contacting a lawyer and seeing what your options are..Have you thought of filing a restraining order against this bully thus forcing the manager to make him move. Under tenant law here, a landlord can force a tenant to move out within 24 hours under circumstances wherefore their security or their life or the lives of other tenants are in imminant danger.

Feed him his own parents.

In your own opinion, are you too disabled to live alone? Do you need constant supervision or assistance? Does your friend? Could you manage in an apartment together?

Where does your money come from and who controls it? Are you on disability? Could you legally take control if you knew all the legal mumbo-jumbo? Have you ever been declared incompetent, so that you have no say in where you live?

Do you have family or friends or ANYONE outside the system who could help you and advocate for you?

In the meantime, can you both start buying the stuff you will need (household goods) to prepare for independent living?

Yeah... that worked for Cartman, but I quite like this guy's Mum!! I'm guessing you too saw that South Park episode...

When people talk about Theory of Mind deficits -- not that we all necessarily have them -- they are usually referring to acts of carelessness (e.g., saying something rude by accident), rather than actually going out to pull someone's strings on purpose.

He could have been diagnosed with AS, but this guy sounds like a real bully. "Nobody wants you here"? Why won't he speak for himself?