Friend of Family died today.

Post Reply New Topic

I don't know what to do I can't think straight right now so you'll have to forgive me. An ex friend of mine and close friend to both my sisters was found dead. We don't know of what yet and right now I'm in shock. I don't know what to do, I really don't want to see his body.

Most of all, I feel extremely bad for what I said about him and hating him. He was an addict and I couldn't stand him being around us. I broke the relations between me and him off from the family because I couldn't stand him!

Now I'm feeling very very guilty and I don't know what to do. He was only 23 and I still remember him and my sister going out back in highschool. This is just crazy and I feel like it's my fault.

I don't know what to do, this can't be happening!! !

Well... there's not a lot you can do. It's normal to regret decisions when things like this happen; however, it sounds like you did the right thing by breaking off the relationship with him due to his behavior and lifestyle.

Im sorry this has happened, MissConstrue. Im not sure what to write here.. I hope you are getting the support you need though.

I just found out he had been periodically mixing barbiturates prescribed to him with alcohol so they think this contributed to his death. We had been going into rehab together for a while and he had been doing fine for a while until he relapsed. I was angry at him and I feel like I should've supported instead. It was hypocritical of me since I had relapsed a few times myself.

I feel bad by what I said about him in my earlier post. He was a good person and I didn't hate him, I was just angry at him for not taking the help that was offered to him. He was not acting right the last time I saw him. I should've taken action while the redflags were there.

I'm such an as*hole of a "friend". This is why I can't even keep friends.

Did he support you when you were alcoholic?

No but makes no difference now.

You were protecting yourself which is what you needed to do. You were not responsible for his recovery and that doesn't mean it didn't matter to you. Ultimately only he could do that. I had a friend die a week after I told her to go away and not come back. I tried to support her in her quest for recovery, because people had supported me, but sometimes people just use that support as a crutch and don't actually do any of the hard work that recovery actually requires. It's sad that your friend didn't make it but I have learned how quickly a potential relapse can blindside you. I almost relapsed while I was in the middle of trying to help a rehab friend not relapse. I barely made it and I had just gotten my son back from my sister-who took care of him while I was in treatment. What I'm saying is you could have put yourself at real risk if you hadn't made that separation. Going to AA meetings together is another thing altogether.

I agree with Aimless. I hope you dont blame yourself. Not everyone is built to take on a lot of emotional angst, especially someone elses. It can all be very overwhelming, especially if you are an addict yourself. It sounds as if you had to draw a boundary with this so that you could keep yourself in a better state.

I imagine he would have had some pretty big problems that had carried over from childhood, and you werent there then during his formative childhood years.. these things build up. He very likely needed a lot more help than he could get from meetings.

I hope you are taking care of yourself today.