I have been having a lot of difficulty for the past three years being really unhappy in my life.
It began when I had a relationship end that seemed outwardly very unsuitable (he was 19 years older amongst other things) but we were very much in love. The end came because his Dad was ill and he had to move house and go and look after him, which he apparently could not do if he were with me. All this time our relationship had been a secret, and it was ended still a secret.
I had my first real periods of getting overloaded (in an aspie way, screaming, crying and not being able to be in the company of anyone, having to squash my head etc - previously I'd been quite a content and happy aspie) because of not being able to lie about it, not being able to talk straightforwardly to him any more, and not understanding his thought processes.
It is now three years later and I am still very unhappy. Last year I moved hundreds of miles away from him and went to university, where I was really depressed but I didn't have to talk to anyone because I lived on my own. I'm now in a stable relationship with someone from my university, but even unhappy in that relationship because I just don't feel anything at all and don't feel any motivation to even talk to my boyfriend. We live 500 miles apart in the holidays (now) and I haven't spoken to him for weeks, and don't care. The thing is, feeling that way compounds my unhappiness.
Only recently (in the last year) have I been diagnosed with Asperger's, but concerning my depression I have seen several doctors, psychiatrists, mental health nurses and counsellors and been prescribed antidepressants as well as having various different therapies. I can't talk to anybody I trust about how I feel but I don't feel as though there is anything left for me to try - I'm feeling exceptionally low.
Sorry if that was a bit long. Needed to get it out.
Hannah
24 Aug 2009, 6:07 pm
