I'm having a hard time with life? ! !! pls help!

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I'm 15 years old, will be a junior this year, currently homebound, and just coming out of severe depression to reagular depression small to no difference , but my parents like to throw chocies and ultimatums at me even though I have had nemerous talks, fights, and arguments with them about, not to mention my dad got into a huge fight with me and my mom and almost walked out on us( it was scary), so back to the point my mom was talking about how life is unpredictable and what not and my dad mentioned in a previous fight that I was to be kicked out of the house at 20 something or 30 something; which I agree with, but the stipulation was if I stayed in my current position; let me fill you in ( Current Situation : I get up, have to be reminded to take shower, sit around a little bit maybe do the Wii Baord, eat lunch ( I am over weight, I stand at 5Ft 11, weighing in at 255, but I'm a braid shouldered man with a good amount of muslce), try to find something to do if I can't and panic I cry for about 15 min, the dinner, then sleep)). That is my daily activity everyday, it's boring out of my mind and needs more activity, I have no job I'm s**t scared( almost a phobia of it) no lisence and no life pretty much; I don't think I'm going to be able to get a job , and that means my parents are going to kick me out, in quote " if you keep going down this path you'll be a hobo" says my dad, holy f**king S**t am I terrified, I have a fear of my person health it one thing I got from my AS disorder, so I nearly crapper my pants when I heard that; Now I get good grades when Im in school, but i don't know what to do, my parents care for me alot and bend over backwards for me at times but they are scaring the $#!& out of me all the time constantly, but they won't listen when I try to explain this to them, so I don't know what to do I have asperger's but I think I have another problem with me because I seem to have problem functioning sometimes, pls someone tell me how to handle life I'm scared, alot of things are crumbling around me and I'm falling fast, for the love of all that is holy and right pls don't let me become homless freak hobo man, if you could tell me tips strategies or helpful technique it would be much appriciated!

Wow, nomad. I feel it. You're really stuck, huh? Maybe it would be best to take one thing at a time... maybe try to think of THE most important issue right now, the most "got to fix this right now" thing in your life, and post it here. It's not so much that people might have the answers you need, you know, as much as it could be very healthy to just try to get some of what's on your mind into perspective. Here's a list I compiled from your original post. Which one of these seems to be the most pressing, immediate concern for you?

you are young and still dependent on your parents
your parents use ultimatums
your mom may leave (or has made it a possibility that she could consider leaving at some point)
feeling misunderstood
feeling unheard
feeling alone
feeling ashamed
there's fighting in the home
the idea of being kicked out of your parents' home (at any age)
the idea of leaving home eventually (as all grown children usually do)
getting good grades
being bored
not being active enough
being overweight
feeling depressed
feeling desperate
having AS
feeling that your AS is creating problems for you
wondering if there's something else "wrong" with you
fearing bad health (to the point of obsession?)
fearing becoming a hobo
fearing disappointing your parents
other

If you can find the most urgent fear/need/hurt on this list, and then work out from there, maybe we could help you find some direction and hope. I just think it might help sort out the heavy load you're carrying right now.

Hope I can help
Feyhera

Last edited by Feyhera on 10 Aug 2009, 4:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Hi mate. Not good situation with your parents. Last night my mum woke me up tried to get me to hospital. I'm 29 now still like you. But glad I never have to see my dad again. Similar pattern to a day as you. Yesterday I was crying the pretext was Centrelink would cancel my pension, but actually it was numerous things. Especially my brother. He's a bit like your dad. I hope he dies a slow and painful death. My brother that is. Sorry that's what Aspergers is like. I would have gone much earlier if I was told I was still going to be like this when I am 30. But don't take notice of that I might get in trouble. I would also like to know tips. I won't see my psychologist anymore, unless I start doing what she says. Like I am capable. Get up, go for a walk. Go to work. Call someone.

Ok out of all you listed a can say to things one u listen to me better than my own bloody parents and two, I would say the "Ultimatums" are first, second would be "Dependency issue", and third somthing that was listed in different ways but not exact to this word "My grave feeling of dispair!", the other r very important but can wait for now.

When I'm desperate, I ask people, I know that they say what is least likely to get them into trouble. Not what they actually think

Pls maybe not an anwser but some helpful tips, I really need them I have already taken meds, but I still have a bad stomach ache and head ache because of these problem pls god I need some help!!

Since you said you don't know what to do just gonna ask something.

What is your interest or what was it before you get depressive. Since if your aspie then most chance you got a special interest (Not every aspie has one but asking since you didn't mention)

Asking since it could help us find you a direction to aim, it no safe bet that it will help out but sure can't hurt.

Has for how to deal with your parent I can't really help, for even when my family was giving me pressure during my depression, they were never really trying to go further then get me to do something.


And I come to have an idea, I know if not something that might really interest you but it would have more then one use. How about telling you mom that if she need help with cooking just to tell you, would make you practice your cooking skill for when one day you might be able to move out on your own, second would show your parent that you at least trying to do something, third since you showing them you can do something there is chance it might reduce the pressure you get from them, fourth simply doing something might help a bit with depression, not sure but better then not trying. Fifth if you come to see you like cooking, there is many profession available, which could give you an aim for your study, just be sure to choose well if you go that way, for some of them are high stress job (mostly the one that end in restaurant).

One thing to remember --

YOU ARE YOUNG.

You have a lot of life ahead of you, which also means you have alot of opportunity to improve your situation. It will not always be like this -- you will not always feel this hopeless.

You've already received some good tips.

Try and list your problems on a computer.
List your problems in order of importance.
Look at each problem, and BRAINSTORM possible solutions.
This brainstorming session should include outlandish possibilities -- even silly possibilities -- to get your creative juices flowing.
Try to think of solutions that anyone could do -- do not limit the solutions to what you think YOU could do.

Then take a break for a day, don't even look at your list for 24 hours.

Go back after 24 hours, look at your list, and re-prioritize your list if you need to.
Cross out solutions that wouldn't work for you, but try and keep at least one possible solution that just might work.
Show this list to your parents, and show them that you are trying to work on your problems.
Prioritize the solutions, possibly with your parents, to find one thing you can begin working on right now.

I will pray for you that things will go more positively for you from now on. You deserve an improvement in your situation.

You all have great ideas and I am gratful for such supper but, I cannot have another talk with my parents not only will not help but they told me that I could talk about my issues with them any more because it's hurts our family, I don't know, and writing down a list is great except I have already tried that, and it always ends up being a problem between me and my parents, I've trie family therapy but it never helps. If I had to tell the truth my parents account for alot of my problems, however I can't get away from them nor move away with my grandparents because my parents said no, Im stuck in a really deep hole, please give me a ladder!!

I can see your problem perfectly but the bad side to your problem is that your the only person who can truly make life better for yourself and you need to have that determination to improve yourself personaly. This requires patience and determination to succed but the results of my advice will be incredibly helpful as it will build your confidence and happiness.

My advice about your parents would to be rather than oppose them try to talk to them more spent more time with them, try to please them more by doing chores and comfort them if there annoyed and just generally cooperate with them more. Your parents are often a major factor in your stress. If your parents are having a bad time with each other and if your in a position where you cant do anything about it you should then talk to someone like a counsellor or a social worker.

your personal health is also a major factor, You should do at least 30 minutes a day on the wii board and maybe even go out a run twice a week, dont try to push yourself with the excersise. You should also change your diet around abit and try to eat more fruit and to gradually cut down on food thats bad for you like fast food and sweets and that kind of thing.

About your depression in general, i feel that you really need to go to a psychiatrist. Living with that kind of depression isnt normal and you also appear to have anxiety aswell. In order to improve your life you need to book an appointment with a psychologist who'll supply you with information to help you remain more calm and patient and he'll also give you the medication that can sort out the chemical imbalance in your brain which causes these bouts of anxiety and your depression

Best wished

Hang in there, alot is your depression talking, I should know, I've had some.

The most important thing is to find a place to start, go to the nearest employment service or what ever you call it over there and find out what support you can have when you decide to move. The only thing you can do now is to hang in there find something to occupy yourself with. Brain exercise of some kind. (Planing what to do when you can move out is a good one.)

Now, what is your biggest problem when it comes to moving out, money or anxiety?

Two, your parents are in denyal and won't/can't accept you have a problem, don't involve them in your plans. Do you have any other family that you can talk to and who can act as an emotional support? You mentioned grandparents. Otherwise there's always people in school you can talk too, or us, if we can help.

If your parents won't allow you to move, try to get permission to go and visit you grandparents alone for a few days (depending on where they live) and talk to them then. You might want to talk to them fist and ask them to ask you parents if you can come, if you think that gives you a better chance. Remeber that old people has a lot of experience and are often very willing to chare it.

The main thing for you right now is to get a change in environment, it will help you clear your head.

Best of luck to you.

Ok... Ultimatums. Are they saying things like, "if you don't stop acting strange, we're going to send you away", or are they more like, "if you don't start taking showers in the morning, we're going to take away your Xbox privileges"? It's important to look at exactly what they're demanding from you and also to see what the consequences are if you don't comply. If it's heavy stuff like, "you either stop acting strange or we're going to send you away" that's abuse. If it's more on the lines of "do this reasonable thing, or there will be reasonable consequences" then they may not be out of line. I don't want to guess, so can you be specific?

On being dependent: I think I understand why you'd feel very worried about depending on your parents. They sound as though they may not be handling their stress too well at this point and so, things like your mom threatening to leave must just make you feel very insecure. And probably confused and angry as well. It wasn't right for your mom to do that. I know you know that. But sometimes we need to hear it from someone outside of the situation. I get the sense that both your parents are getting a bit over the top and have kind of lost some self control. People do that sometimes when they feel helpless. And some parents allow their worry to become hostility. So, do you foresee a problem with gaining the necessary life skills for independent living after you turn 18?

Regarding your grave feelings of despair: First, are you suicidal? If so, are you just wishing you were dead or do you have a plan? If you have a plan, it's time to get some meaningful assistance without delay. There's no shame in needing help, you know. We all do from time to time. So please don't just stay in that state alone if that's what's going on for you. If you're not contemplating something drastic, do you think your despair is situational or neurological in origin? If it's situational, meaning, you've lost hope based purely on how bad things are in your life right now, then I can tell you that the very best thing to do is to FORCE yourself to do something, anything, to get out of your room, take that shower and go on a 15 minute walk around the block. There's a saying: Move a muscle, change a feeling. And sunshine is medicine. So is the quiet of a nice peaceful walk. And do this every day until you feel the dark cloud lifting... then keep doing it anyway. Really. Please don't allow your well-being to be dictated to you by any dread about leaving your room. Your ok-ness could hinge on you finding the will to just do what you have to do to feel better. If on the other hand, you think that your despair might be more linked to bad brain chemistry, it may be time to make a call and ask for some input from a trusted professional. You say you're already on meds, but meds can go out of whack or may start losing their efficacy once you start to tolerate them. My husband takes Zyprexa and every once in awhile, he has to up his dose to make up for some sort of accumulated imbalance that happens over the long term. You just don't know without checking with your physician/psychiatrist and really, he/she is your best hope for answers about brain chemistry issues.

I hope some of this is helpful.

Why has my post been deleted

Ok things just ten times worse and fast I start to cry and told my parents for the first ever that I was scared when my dad it wasn't my mom almost left and he told me to quit acting like a baby and grab my balls and act like a man, that was a quote by the word for word, I no longer respect him, my mom is trying but falling apart, the word divorse is getting thrown n the air I can't go to my any of my relatives, my parents won't let me leave because there worried about me missing therapy I don't how long this household is going to last, and so with that said money, anxiety, ionleyness are my fears of leaving and no drivers lisences, pls advise I am officially on my own now, and it sucks. I really need a hug:(

They don't want you to leave for your grandparents for a few days because you might miss therapy but threaten to divorse? Tell your therapist that, he/she should allso have some idea on what to do. If not, change right away.
They have some serious issues. Anyways, it's not a major setback, phone your relatives instead.
Anyways, you can allways leave for your grandparents and use your fathers argument that you're being a man and desides yourself what to do and when.

And go to the nearest employment service, if you have an official diagnosis you probably have the right to support, so you won't be broke even if your parents refuse to help you when you move out.

And hey, you could give us some credit, we're still here so you're not alone.

I would leave for my grandparents but, they live in CA and I'm in NC, long distance, I don't understand my parents they say it because of money that I can't go and that I'm there son and they are responsible for me but there actions are futile, because with all that has happened, I don't really trust them any more, I guess it reputation or something but they consider it embarissing when I need to leave for a week at grandmas, IDK anymore. I bothered them so much about needing help understanding the situation they threaten to put me into a hospital? I'm just trying to hold out until my next thherapy, and let this all out then.