My roommate hit me again

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Let me begin by saying that he has been a big advocate for me, and a truly great friend. However, sometimes he gets very frustrated with me and my disorder, and he will strike me or belittle me.

Last night, we were drinking. I don't like being drunk but it's the only way I can deal with company, which there often is. I walked across the street to get something to eat before retiring to my room for the night. On my way there, I was actually stumbling, and a guy pulled over and offered me a ride to the store because I was stumbling. I accepted quite innocently. He asked me a question, and I was wrapped up in the answer for about two minutes. Next thing I know, I was in his hotel room. I called my roommate and he and his friend came to pick me up. I went to bed when I got home but my roommate seemed very kind at the time.

This morning, he opened the door for me to take him to work. Apparently he had stayed up all night drinking and only slept for an hour, even though he had to be at work five hours earlier than usual. I asked if he was angry about picking me up, and he yelled at me. I suggested that I didn't want to drive him in that mood, and he struck me with enough force to send me to the ground. I became upset, but he was already late, so I had to drive him. In the car, he hit me repeatedly, especially so when I suggested that his admitted alcoholism was responsible for his mood, and not my being "ret*d" among other slurs. He even punched me in the face once, though I don't see a mark. I just kept asking him not to hit me, since it seemed unfair when I didn't have the option to get away.

I know it's hard to deal with an aspie like me, I guess he says anyone else would have known better about the car. I really thought that guy was just being nice to offer a ride. My roommate and I are both gay and dated briefly in 2008 but broke up because of sexual incompatibility. Not sure that matters but I am putting it in. We've just signed a new lease and as of next Thursday will be living with two other people, both of whom know I'm an aspie, and one of whom may be himself. We had a bizarre group discussion about it last night before I tried to go to the store.

Any thoughts?

Have you tried hitting him back? Situation sounds really complicated but if you want him to stop hitting you you need to stop making it easy for him. If all you're doing is asking him politely to stop that probably frustrates him even more.

Okay, first off:

- Don't drink if you don't like it. It's taken me a while to realize I'm much more comfortable when sober.

- He shouldn't be hitting you! Of course, I'm a girl, most likely with different rules of social conduct, but if I were you I would sit him down when you're both sober and tell him how it bothers you. If you two are truly great friends then he'll understand and take into account the way it makes you feel.

Can't you move somewhere else, with someone else? Live by yourself? You don't deserve to be hit ever, this "it's hard to deal with me 'cuz I'm an aspie" is nonsense. If there is company over all the time and you don't like it that is another reason to move. Have some self respect. You can't expect him to stop hitting you because you are "behaving" or because you asked him nicely, that's trying to reason with someone who's not reasonable, a violent alcoholic. You need to put yourself in a more positive environment instead of blaming how bad it is on yourself.

I would get out of there, not a good situation, getting hit by someone you call
your advocate that doesn't make sense, thats a dangerous situation, if any drunk
ever hit me he would be on the floor coughing up whats left of his testicles.
Now getting into someones car and ending up in their hotel room, wtf are you thinking,
well you were not thats obvious, you sound like your having a drinking issue, and that
could have ended badly for you.

dude how did you "end up" at a hotelroom?

he shouldnt hit you, but i'd be pissed the s**t of if i had to rescue you from your own catastrophic antics, really.
if i was him, i woulda let you enjoy your little hotel-room visit, btw...

i got a friend, good friend, who tended to punch my shoulder, hard, whenever he thought i'd done something stupid. when that includes having a joint, i simply told him: punch me again, and ill hit you back, to the point of rolling on the ground pounding each others teeth out...

just let them know your willing to roll on the ground for it... it did the trick for me :]

This guy sounds like he is not emotionally stable. Let's review the facts:If I'm reading this correctly...

1.)"I don't like being drunk but it's the only way I can deal with company"-- in order to tolerate spending time with him you must not only go against your nature but also numb your senses.

2.)"I asked if he was angry about picking me up, and he yelled at me. I suggested that I didn't want to drive him in that mood, and he struck me with enough force send me to the ground" --he became angry in an instant lashing out without warning and there are at least three more instances of abuse following this quote in the next paragraph--both verbal and physical.

3.)"he has been big advocate for me, and a truly great friend.However, sometimes he gets very frustrated with me and my disorder, and he will strike me or belittle me."--his response to frustration with other people is abuse them physically and emotionally.

Chaotik_lord,this really worries me. He didn't leave a mark the last time he hit you, but what about next time? I'm afraid for you. Even in this short post there is a clear pattern of violence. Many women have died in situations like this. If at all possible, at the first opportunity,

PLEASE,

TRY TO GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION.

What the hell? You should've told him to stop hitting you, or you wouldn't drive him to work. Not only is that an asinine thing to do, but if he's doing that while you're driving, that could be dangerous. It could get you into an accident or something. Where would he be at THAT point? Tell him to stop getting drunk off his ass before he has to go to work. That's just stupid on his part. I don't even know how you put up with his crap. That, or you could've just smacked him back and threatened to beat him with a lead pipe in his sleep. On the other hand, that may have been a bad idea. I don't know... Anyway, I think you need to talk to this guy about his problems and how he gets violent when he has a hangover...

Oh, and don't take rides from strangers. That's just stupid... seriously... I can't blame him for being pissed off about that part... especially when you're drunk... man that's stupid... wow....

If this post seems hurried and rambling, sorry... too much caffeine in my system at the moment.

The baseline is that the transition from lovers to friends generally does not work, and I've got to think this is the case for both gay and straight relationships. 'Being friends' sounds good, people sincerely believe it when they say it, and it can work for a little while, but then, I guess, all the unresolved issues end up swamping whatever potential friendship could have been there.

And sadly, in addition to the baseline, it sure sounds like this guy has real issues with frustration tolerance, with all kinds of anger, and with violence. And people with a habit of violence generally will recourse to it from time to time, unless and until they themselves decide to look for a better way and develop those all important middle skills. And that has to be their choice and their decision. You cannot be his coach. And you certainly can't be his savior. And you don't owe him anything for his sometimes good advice, other than being a sincere human being. And yeah, you probably are going to have to leave this guy as friend and look for other people you appreciate and who appreciate you, for the exact person you are right now in your life trajectory, as a human being on this planet. And at this point, your former friend is probably holding you back.

Loneliness ain't real good either, but typically loneliness is better than a dysfunctional relationship.

Do you have a brother or sister you could stay with for a while? An Aunt or an Uncle? Or perhaps, if need be, if it comes to that. Consider giving them a little bit of a heads up so they can be available if needed. Trust your gut instincts regarding this.

The guy needs to apologize big time, and he needs to work on his issues. (And in zen-like fashion, I recommend that you graciously accept whatever apology or partial apology or even nonapology that he is able to make.)

And you do not need to drop any mutual friends.

Okay, the part where the guy offers you a ride because you stumbled, that's probably a case where the context is more important than the content.

You did recover nicely. You recognized you were in an awkward situation and you called a friend/former friend, and you made a good judgment call regarding who would be able and willing to help out. And you were right. The immediate response was good. It was only the later follow-through that wasn't good.

And, you might want to consider taking a break in drinking. And when you go back to it, how about just drinking to a pleasant buzz?

It could be your roommate had sexual jealous frustrations regarding your ending up in someone's hotel room. Those kind of emotions often lead to violent tendencies (with alcohol only making it worse). I had a friend whose ex was seriously like this long after they broke up.

But it's just a theory.

I hope he knows what he did to you was wrong. But yeah I would definitly consider moving out and all that jazz.