Anger and Hatred of Parents

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To make things clear before I express my feelings through works, my parents are kind in the terms of survival skills and support, helping me through college, buying me a car (which I have to pay them back slowly), etc. But I'm not emotionally close to them, I'm usually in my room alone most of the time because I want to avoid them most of the time. I HATE Dinner Time, that's what pisses me off about them. I'm 21 years old and I'm still sick of eating dinner with them because that's when they start asking random questions about my personal life which I hate. Now I have the guys to say "Yes, Why?" to them which helps a little. "Do you have enough Underwear, Is your Bed still Comfortable, Me and your father fond a disturbing cartoon you drew and we want to know if you are feeling alright, etc." I swear under my breath and say the most negative things about them to myself. If I help with a chore and I see them and they thank me, sure I will welcome them but to myself I would say "Stupid WHORE!" or "Stupid Dad!" I hate having negative feelings but I feel living with my father and step mother (in law), it just makes my disability worse! They recently went on a weekend vacation which was AWESOME! but now it's been about 2 weeks and it already starts to feel like Hell again. I want to Rage and Scream but that just manners worse. My Step Mother (The one who keeps asking personal questions) told me that if she meet me within 3 months until now, she would not no that I had a disability. I thank her and thought to myself, You gotta be F**King Kidding me, I've been swearing in my room, crying over my bed, and trying to write satirical scripts about living with an NT ISTJ family. I feel hatred of them each and every day, but I guess things start to calm down when they start to relax from a hard day at work. I don't go up to them anymore talking about how I feel, because they said that they feel like they are stepping on egg shells when they try to be sensitive about my disability and try not to get me angry. So I try to iqnore them and deal with my emotional pain by myself in my room. Plus I'm still single and I wished that I had a life partner that can give me a hug and let me know that everything is going to be alright and to give me reminders if my Asperger's missed out on a social cue or something on those lines.

I might have also mentioned that I'm ENFP and both of my parents together are ISTJ (MBTI) so I would still be pissed at them even if I wasn't Aspie but I would probably stand up to them more.

I know NT but what is ISTJ, ENFP and MBTI. They seem to be trying so cut them some slack....I think you are trying also. So you are ok in my book. I think I speak for many parents when I say...thanks for trying to deal with them. Because just as you are at a loss with them, they are also at a loss with you. But they don't seem to be judging you, which you will see alot of complaints about that here. No matter how grown our children get we still worry, I guess it comes with the territory of being a parent. It never goes away, we just can't help it. So pleae continue to put up with them, they're just being what they are...PARENTS.

Now that I'm a parent, I regret every selfish, rude, inconsiderate thing I said to my parents. It's embarrassing to think how I assumed their feelings didn't matter. Like most people, it took me a while to figure out that it was okay for them to be flawed human beings. Maybe the problem is parents feel like they have to put up this omnipotent front and the truth of their humanity can only survive for so long. My son gets irritated with me but I try to explain to him that if I state the obvious, it's not because I think he's incapable but a way for me to relieve my own anxiety and all he has to do is say OK. I guess you gotta be there.

I can understand that. I get the same way sometimes when my parents ask me somethings like that, not that bad, but still.

But if your stepmother is really making you feel that way, talk with her. She's not your mother, but try to understand, she married your father and you're his child. That's a pretty big part of his life. And the asking about about your day thing... take it as a compliment, they want to know about you. They care about you, and don't mind taking care of a few menial tasks for you or reminding you to get to it .

And its pretty rare to find an NT family who's that supportive. Mine isn't anyway. I mean they try to help, but my father admits he doesn't know what I'm going through, but tries to help me through various problems that arise. My mother's a bit... arrogant. But they try.

And if I haven't already sid it talk with your stepmother, she has no right calling our little variation a disability anyway.

And on a side note, don't get hung up on not having a "life-partner," it's largely just another way to pass off someone's poor excuse for a life as something worth more than what one scraps off the bottom of a pond. Embrace your freedom from flesh. Find an hobby, master it. Find the strength which has been given to you. Follow it, nurture it, raise it up into something magnificent. Pursuits of the mind can bring fulfillment much more than the false sense of worth hormones and society can breed. What legacy can this bring? A child? Your memory and your line will die as all others will. Make a mark on the mind, and that can have farther reaching consequences than you can imagine. Fame. Infamy. Glory. They choice is yours friend. May the peace of God be with you and may His spirit saturate you as salt, the Seas. May the Nephelim rise again.