Get me outta here!

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Feeling very stressed out as of late. If it's not getting turned down by landlords who don't accept couples, it's dealing with being perpetually broke, being forced to bow to parental pressure or being screamed at by a jacked-up gorilla on steroids.

Right now, I have to deal with emotional abuse from my mother who refuses to listen to me and instead is trying to make me stay in the local area so she can keep on tightening the apron strings when all I want to do is move out of country and be shot of her mental abuse.

Then, there's my partner's mother and her jacked-up steroid-abusing ****tard of a boyfriend Tom who has on various occasions, threatened physical violence to myself and my partner simply because we're too poor to afford our own place. Despite keeping to ourselves and paying our way as best as we can, he seems to have a stick up his ass over every single insignifigent little thing and seems to yell at us purely for his own twisted amusement. I've been called a slut, a whore, a slag and a "honey-trapper" (IE: Girl who traps a guy by getting pregnant-something I'm actively trying to AVOID) and have come very close to having my face smashed in just for speaking out against him.

Already, Tom's run me out of my partner's house just for trying to stand up to him and for refusing to take any of his s**t. The worst thing, though, is the fact that throughout all the verbal ear-bashings and threats of violence, my partner's mother refuses to acknowledge the situation and instead takes Tom's side over everything as she'd rather leave her son to suffer than stand up to this bully.
She just sweeps everything under the carpet and pretends that everything is peachy.

I've stopped going around to the house now due to this as*hole's threats but I feel highly stressed out over the fact that my partner is left to fend for himself. It's only a matter of time before he gets a severe beating or worse-and his mother is no help at all.
We've been desperately searching for a place to live together so we can get out of this horrible situation but we've yet to find anything that'll suit our budget or my mother's unreasonable demands that I "stay local".

I feel trapped at times and thanks to being forced out, I only see my partner about twice a week, which makes me feel physically sick with seperation anxiety. I just don't know when this is going to end. Seems like the world is out to get us at every turn.

I don't know how to help with the budget thing. But you should probably ignore your mom's demand to "stay local" & move w/ your partner wherever you two can find a place (local, out of the city, county, country, wherever). I don't have any other suggestions. Though you might have to settle for something less than what you and your boyfriend deem to be reasonable (in apartment/home conditions) in comparison to the price (one you two can afford). Or get two tiny cheap places (if paying for 2 places in one area is more affordable for you two than 1 is for some reason). You two should stick w/ your guns (do what you want) & get out of your parent's homes ASAP (when you've found a place/signed (a) lease(s) or whatever). Check newspapers & online, etc. for places. Sorry about your situation & good luck .

Wow! I'm sorry to hear of your circumstances, but know it can get better. Do move out/away somehow, and soon. Consider calling the hostels (hostelworld.com, hostels.com) for some short terms stays, and regroup your thoughts with your partner, who must decide to leave their mother to fend for herself. RV's, co-workers from a job, there is a way to move out. Just don't get injured over stuff you can buy again later. Here's a list to consider: Job search globally; Be very selective who you share your news with; Get a PO Box for your mail; Be sure your name is off any cars or bank accounts you might be leaving; research all transportation options; transfer prescriptions to a major chain in case you move; and many more. I hope this got your ideas flowing so that actions behind the scenes can make change happen soon. Ideally, be ready to not re-visit for a long time. If your partner can not decide to leave, still make plans to protect yourself, and arrange to visit your partner anywhere except the mom's home.

Good luck! I'll check this post for replies again soon.
Be safe!

If you are over the age of 18, you are an adult, you have every right to leave her home. Just do that ASAP.

Hey, all.
Thank you for the kind words and advice.
At the moment, I'm still living at my parent's house, anxiously waiting for my application for Rent Allowence to come through. Hopefully it'll be in the next forthnight or so. It'll really help with finding a decent place.
Anyhoo, I'm still keeping away from my boyfriend's parent's house though lately, his mother has been trying to (none-so-subtly) pander to my good nature by send me random tubs of facial products and whatnot that "she thought I might like".

I know what she's trying to do and whilst my anger towards her has dissipated to mild pity, I still refuse to return to the house on a matter of principal. My boyfriend and I are still making the effort to meet up and so far, we've found a few places in the local area that suit our budget. The only thing is as we're both relying on Disability Allowence to support ourselves ( though I work a few hours at the pub but it's a pittance), getting a deposit together on short notice is proving to be an uphill struggle.

On the upside, though, I've found out why my mother is being so hesitent about me moving out of state.

It's largely due to the fact that I'm her youngest child and she feels a form of seperation anxiety whenever I'm not around which I suspect stems from her having miscarried 3 times in the past. (I'm adopted btw)
As a result, she has openly admitted that she over-compensates by being overly protective, which is understandable but at the same time, she is finally starting to realize that I can't stay in the nest forever.

I've also found out that there is a history of mental illness on her side and she's actually suffering from depression right know-which explains A LOT.
Right now, I'm sitting tight and waiting to hear back from my local housing department. For the time being, I've decided it would be best for everyone to stay local in case anything goes FUBAR, one of the main reasons my mother wants me to stay close.

It's also due to the fact as I've never lived independently before, to move out of state would be a huge upheaval and could potentially cause me to have a relapse. Still, I'm eager to get going and start my own life.
For too long, I've felt smothered by my mother and after a long heart-to-heart where I've relayed my thoughts and fears to her, she's slowly becoming a bit more managable about house locations.

As for my boyfriend, he's considering moving out on his own temporarily as tensions are high in his house. His mother was made redundent and is freaking out over her severance pay-which is substantially less than she expected. This in turn is causing problems with Tom and right now, my boyfriend is worried that something bad will happen if he stays in the crossfire.

Still, in about 2 weeks we should be out of the frying pan and in a happier place. I'll be sure to update once I find out what's happening.

Again, thanks for the kind words. I really appreciate 'em.

-Shasty-