So noisey... so d*mn noisey...

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I can't stand it. I was trying to read a really good book. I'd been reading for several hours no worries, and then bam, that was it, I couldn't anymore. I couldn't concentrate because of the noise. I was kind of shocked recently to realise that I hear the words in my head as I'm reading. It doesn't make sense: I have always got sucky visual-spatial scores in IQ tests and I read with words in my brain but I swear I'm visual, I do sign language and apparently I'm a bit good at arty stuff and I remember odd looking things like patterns in tiles or which side had the missing button and even if I can't always make the pictures do the things I want I can see them. So I couldn't cope and I can't yell at everyone for making noises because I knew they were normal like mum talking on the phone but that's the one thing I CANNOT STAND! And I don't know why, so I thought about it and I thought about putting on loud music but then that distracts me and I thought about earplugs but they don't block anything out and I tried humming but I was getting tired and so I went to the office and found a bell and took it to bed and rang it right next to my ear and it still didn't drown it all out but it helped so I lay in bed trying to read and ringing a big brass bell right next to my ear and my sister asked me not to and I said she was being noisey and then they went away and then suddenly mum came in and she's yelling and saying I'm being a brat and I WASN'T and then she's ordering me to give her the bell only I hadn't done anything wrong and she didn't even ask me nicely to stop and I wasn't ringing it anymore and then she tried to snatch it off me so everything was noisey again and she was on the phone AGAIN and I just say on a stool on the floor and rocked and put my hands over my ears and cried in a loud screamy way that was like singing one note over and over just trying to make all the noise go away because I was tired and I just wanted to read and now she's angry and she's taken my sister to stay with my nana and she's mad because it's my brother's first day of high school tomorrow and I didn't mean to I just wanted the noise to stop and it NEVER DOES and NOTHING makes it go away and ear plugs don't work and I just wanted some QUIET and I can't ignore it I end up readin the same sentance 30 times in 5 minutes and I hate that because I love to read and I am so slow and I hate that too and I wish I was just visual and then I could just read and not have to hear the words in my head and not have to have quiet and it would be faster too because I have to read slow enough to be able to hear the words normally in my head so they don't get all jumbled like high speed dubbing and I'm crying lots and I'm sad and tired and I just wanted to read and it wasn't my fault and I wasn't a brat and I'm the one with Asperger's and I'm sick of trying to explain to mum why I do the things I do and she should be the one explaining it to me because it sounds conceited if I try and explain the Asperger's bit but I don't know any normal people that rock and cry and scream and hum and sing nothing and yell just to try to block out their mum on the phone so they can read!

*hysterical*

I think that NTs sometimes want to do that too. That's why your Mam got upset--it made her realize how upset she was about something. Could have been anything.
There's nothing wrong with you. You are not deficient. You have the right to exist. You have the right to happiness. You were asserting your right to help yourself. It's just that other people around you were nervous, too. And that's how people react when they're nervous or fearful. It's our primate instinct from the oldest part of the brain.
I repeat: there is nothing wrong with you. There's no need to hide or change. You're enough as it is.
Got hugs if you want 'em, magic dust, prayers...

Last edited by wandrew on 31 Jan 2006, 7:27 am, edited 2 times in total.

Hi, I' sorry you had such a difficult time there..it is one of life's pleasures to enjoy reading a great book, but the noises just put a huge damper on it...I also get overwhelmed by noises, so does my daughter..it's a feeling of, "I GOTTA get out of here"....May I offer words of advice? Try to learn to meditate or say one soothing word over and over, like a mantra....The word,"ONE" will softly vibrate and soothe your mind. Your mind can only relate to one thing at a time, so say a soothing word over and over until it can relax you. I say the words, "tranquility and serenity", until I feel relaxed...For those who do not understand what it is like to be in our shoes, hear with our ears minute sounds, or sense the world as we do..they simply will not understand , and may never will. .I'll share what noise bothers me..when 2 people talk to me, it literally forms into 1 garbled message, and I hear nonsense. It is as if a huge metal vault door literally slams shut, like I can both see and hear it slamming shut...I am shut off from understanding what they said...That truly frustrates me, and I have to emphasize to them to please not interrupt one another.. Find a quieter spot, give yourself time to relax..then continue on...Books are the greatest sources of creativity andknowledge, and no one should deprive you of this....Peace....

Ahh dear, post trauma calming lull. Nice.

Thanks for your support wandrew, but I have to disagree with you: there is something VERY odd about feeling the need to ring a large brass bell all of ten centimetres from your ear in order to 'get quiet'! And I really don't think it is ok to go screaming and yelling and shrieking at people for existing, particularly not late at night the night before my brother starts high school... *shudders and blushes and hangs head in shame*

On the plus side, I did a bit of googling... AND I'M NOT ALONE! Everything points to the fact that I have (drumroll please)... Soft Sound Sensitivity Syndrome! That's right folks, I have SSSS and I'm sensitive to soft sounds, such as, say, the 'ssss' sound! (I love irony!) No but really, apparently there are a bunch of people that go nuts and desire to punch walls and faces when they hear sounds like being breathing, eating, drinking, talking (explains why I get more irritated when I'm in my room and mum's talking on the phone in the kitchen than in a large noisey crowd!), rustling... Oh, and best of all, most people with SSSS DON'T mind these noises when they are the producer, so THAT explains why I don't go nuts when I'm the one eating and shuffling! AND a lot of us still like loud sounds! SO I WASN'T IMAGINING IT AT ALL AND I REALLY TRULY DO HAVE A REASON TO GET SO UPSET BY THE SOUNDS AND I'M NOT JUST BEING PETTY!! ! Oh and apparently a lot of people with this have other things like ADHD and Autism (although that's often with loud sounds not soft ones) AND a lot of people get anxiety and depression and SERIOUS stuff so I'm not just being whingey!

Oh, and the greatest irony of them all; one treatment is hearing aids! That's right, I can hear, speak AND sign, but I could still use some hearing aids! Funny too because I always secretly wanted something, be it glasses, crutches, wheelchair, braces, dental plate, hearing aids, plaster cast... And don't laugh or tease, I'm not morbid, I think I just like gadgetry!

So thanks for listening to my rant!

Oh and thanks rushfanatic: I am having increasing trouble hearing what people are saying also, and I thought I must be mad because how could someone with good hearing not hear!

The meditation tip is a good one too, I've wanted to learn for a while. Do you know anything about relaxing breathing patterns? My problem is that I don't really know how to concentrate on relaxing, but when I try I end up thinking about my breathing and I sort of 'forget' how to breathe... I mean, I keep breathing, but I get the timing all wrong and then I get all dizzy or out of breath. Sound silly doesn't it?

Having to listen to country music is sheer agony for me.

In my case it's chewing, loud noise that isn't heavy metal, punk or hardcore, and Barney.

I have done similar things the avoid hearing noises - my parents snore and having to share a room with them when on holidays meant I got no sleep and overly frustrated all night because of it, so I resorted to scratching my pillow next to my ear to block out their noise and only hear the noise I was making.

Glad you're feeling better now, I can imagine how horrible it would be to have constant unstoppable noise preventing you doing what you want to do. I had similar issues with outside noises I couldn't control whilst trying to study, and listening to music up loud on headphones wouldn't block it out; very frustrating.

Hopefully you can sort it out (like asking for a soundproof bedroom ) and talk it over so there's less chance you'll get stuck in a similar situation again (although it is a pretty tough situation to figure out).

Hi, I just try to breathe in through the nose and count slowly to 5. Hold it for 2-3 seconds, then slowly breathe out thru the mouth, counting to 5 or more until you have exhaled.Close your eyes, think of something calming, or nothing at all. I try to picture a large black chalkboard being erased, clearing my mind....Sit loosely, indian style , or just lay comfortably.. My daughter just finished up yoga at school, and she thoroughly enjoyed it..When you excercise like that, the oxygen revs up the body, while it is also very quiet and serene. When our life is chaotic, our inner being is even more chaotic. This world is so stressful, loud, busy, sometimes I swear I was born in the wrong decade, because I yearn for such a quieter time... Your family loves you,and they simply need to respect your sensitivites and honor your strengths...Peace..

Similar things to ringing bells in order to get control yourself? Of course you have... Astarael! *grins* I just re-read the trilogy so that's probably why I had my heart set on bells!

Oh and rushfanatic, is that like 5 seconds in, 2-3 seconds hold, 5 seconds out? Cos I only managed to do that about once before I started yawning on every breath! *sigh*

HI, Yep, see how relaxed you got? Just do what makes you find peace within, and I will say that it does help me to relax..tranquility..serenity...Enjoy your day! Peace..

Glad you are feeling better Kitten.
I remember in college my roommate used to drag a spoon over his teeth as he ate yogurt.
Then he would scrape the spoon around inside the plastic container. This drove me nuts, every day the same thing.

Anyway here is a good link to a guided meditation.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... uided.html
I always liked the way this guy explained things.

Heh, only problem is that Astarael is a bell in most cases.

Oh, but she's also such a very pretty woman with the carvings of the seas!