anyone else have this problem?

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anyone else have invasive thoughts? vivid images? horrible and terrifying, uncontrollable?

my brain is seriously trying to hurt me in here. i'm a victim of my own g**d*** brain. these images...are of an alien destroying my body in various ways...i have had my brain injected with liquid, my shoulderblades pried out with a crowbar, my spine devoured...i have been thrown to the ground and thrown down stairs, my body has been "lifted" (i was walking down the path to my dorm and i actually felt this start to happen, i didn't feel like i was walking on the ground anymore, really freaky)...they are so all-consuming and random, sometimes they come up to punish me for creating an awkward silence but mostly they are just my brain picking on me.

other times they are images of me killing myself, so symmetrical and so compelling, it's like i have to do it...but the thing is i don't want to hurt my body, i like my body it has never done me harm, i want to kill my BRAIN and the ugly alien inside it that is victimizing me.

of course it can be a positive experience too. for example the time when my body was being lifted up, i felt it transform into an eagle and i had the vivid, beautiful image of my eagle self beating the air with its wings. i know that this is a sign that i have an eagle spirit that can be freed someday.

i'm not a violent person and this really bothers me. a lot. i hate violence. it's as if someone is standing behind me whispering "blood blood blood" into my ears except that the blood is occuring inside my brain. sometimes i just want to scream and rant and panic and freak out but i have to sit in class pretending that nothing is wrong, pretending that i'm not in room 101 being attacked...

it will at least be a consolation if someone else feels the way i do...even my therapist doesn't know what's up with this...i just want to stop feeling alone and trapped in this mental pain.

Something similar. When I was younger, I used to engage in worst case scenarios all of the time. What if.........(fill in the blank with whatever sickening thing you can imagine) This kind of destructive thinking just popped into my mind but I would go ahead and obsess on these thoughts instead of rejecting them. This made me rather depressed and jumpy. Then, because I am a christian and read my Bible, I figured out that if I fill my mind with, "whatever is holy, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report, think on these things." there would be no room in my mind for all of the crap. It worked. Simply discard the negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. It doesn't work immediately but must become a constructive, purposeful habit.

Also, avoid TV, movies, books and music that could encourage disturbing images and thoughts. Train your brain how to think. You are in charge. Don't let random thoughts get the best of you.

I think of it this way; Pursue Life and Peace, not Death and Destruction.

Oh god yes! I get thoughts all the time of causing bodily harm to others. If only people knew about the nasty thoughts going through my mind sometimes about them....

The first time it happened to me I was 10 and I almost killed my mother. I was helping her wash dishes when I got a thought in my mind to take a large knife and plunge it in her back in the vicinity of her heart. The thought was so overwhelming, so compelling, so irresistable, I was to the point of holding the knife in my hands looking at it with the thoughts racings through my head, a collosal battle of wills taking place inside my mind as all the will power I could muster went into keeping me from doing it. The thought eventually subsided, but I was horrible shaken. I was 10 and I had just contemplated killing my own mom. Ten year olds don't think these things! What's wrong with me!

Two years later my dad yelled at me for something. The thoughts returned again, I was going to take heavy dictionary I had in my room, sneak up on my father and bring crashing down on his head with all my might. Once again a huge battle of wills took place inside my mind. A couple of times I found myself heading out into kitchen where he was and once I was even standing right behind him poised and ready to act. I never did though.

There were other incidents, I've never told them, and never will, they don't realize how lucky they are.

After that event with my father, the thoughts ramped up in frequency, but I learned to ignore them and now they are more a nusiance than anything else.

But when I do have them, I feel awful inside.

I wish I could make them stop.

yea, especally when I was a kid. I used to imagine the worst things people could possibley say to me. (funny they usually did)
I still do the same thing from time to time, but I seem better able to push it away most days.

I've come close a bunch of times I get in that mood the shakey mad one all it would take is a little push to put me over It takes a lot to hold back but I think they can see it in my eyes becuse they ussally back off quickly and I try to leave to calm down.

I have thoughts of harming people, all the time. I wouldn't carry through, though. I have fantasies that I'm holding my Parents hostage and I'm carrying a Machine Gun. In those fantasies, I tell them that they'd better get with the times and give me the same respect that they give my Sister, or else they will die and go to Hell. I wouldn't actually kill them, because I don't act on those impulses. An Ex-Hippie would not shoot her Family Members. I've also had thoughts of harming some people from my Past. Especially people from Elementary, High School and College. Only a select few people who've done me wrong, though. Most of my Fellow Students were pretty decent. Even the Big Boys who called me a Cockney were decent in my mind. It's the people who treated me as and saw me as being Mentally Slow that I have thoughts of harming.

I don't so much have images of hurting anyone - but I think of horrible things that could happen to the few people I care about - and since my brain works in images they come out as these just terrible images that won't go away . . . I try not to watch horror movies anymore so that my brain doesn't get more fuel for the arsenal . . .

Here's what I did a few years ago. I got a small, easily hidden journal with a piece of very jagged and jangly modern art on the cover, and started out by saying this was my Shadow Journal with everything in it that I should not be thinking and feeling but had to look at in order to be whole. (If your journal is likely to be found and used against you - "He has these thoughts; therefore, he is extremely dangerous. Lock him up!" - this header helps a lot. It also helps keep you on track.)

Then I slowly dragged them up, one by one, with many a painful wince and hiding my head in my hands, and wrote them down and took a real good look at them.

"A disgusting collection, but harmless."

Yes, this is happening to me now.
I am going to have a psychiatric evaluation today about it.
I hope they do not send me away.
I know this isn't the most encouraging thing to answer, but it is true.
Yesterday I wanted to put my hand through really thick glass. I thought about it many times, and each time I had to tell myself to stop. I wonder what is in my brain to tell me these things.
I hope you can find the best person available to tell these things to, or that WP can help.. :(

It's such a relief to know that others have experienced the same thing. Several years ago I had a real problem of these visualizations about hurting others and my therapist didn't take me seriously at all. It finally went away, after much stress and anxiety on my part that I was going to end up a criminal, and I was bothered to see it's back, albeit in a different form...at least I'm not alone and there are others who pretty successfully live in spite of the same things. My [new] counselor doesn't understand it either but we have accepted the provisional explanation that it is my [vivid] reaction to the baseline violence that I see as underlying this society.

Peace out