Can't stop yelling at people (and other stuff)(ranty)

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I am been very emotionally frazzled lately.
Yesterday, I was in a bad mood. I yelled at my partner because people started showing up for the afternoon event while he was still playing video games in his boxers..and we needed to prepare for the Sunday Afternoon cookout...and was acting very stubborn...so i started yelling...'cause he was acting like he was just gonna ignore everything and play Lord of the Rings online in his boxers all day.

Then...later...I was cooking and he managed to burn his hand on a hot skillet that he had just taken off the burner...and I yelled because I was startled...and I was upset and felt that I was to blame for him burning his hand on the carelessly placed skillet...so I started yelling..and he got mad at me for yelling...I don't blame him..and I tried to tell him that it was because I was startled...but I could not snap out of my yelling tone of voice, partially because the music was so loud...

The Sunday afternoon band, while aesthetically pleasing is kinda loud for me to handle and puts me on edge. My sound guy approached me while I have having a hard time and all I saw was him waving his hands in my face and mouthing something and I yelled "WHAT?" and He yelled back even louder and angrier "POTHOLDERS, WE NEED POTHOLDERS" And I screamed [b]NO! and ran away....but I got the potholders and I went outside and threw them at him..in front of people of course....

I have been doing a lot of my yelling at people with no regard to the fact that others are around...I am given demands when I am in the middle of other things..and it is hard for me to switch gears so I respond harshly...

In another incident, Flakey had some people in our room for some reason (and I hate having semi-strangers in our messy room)...and he barked an order at me..and so I yelled at him in front of those people

These are just examples.....it happens out of stress...It is a kneejerk reaction...i wish i could control it better....

The other stuff mostly pertains to the major transitions we are going through...combined with my really bad executive funtioning problems...

I have been taking adderall...without a prescription, because even though I have legally had a script in the past, I have not been able to afford to jump through all the flaming hoops to find a doctor willing to give me a script again (since I am an adult)...and I don't have insurance...which would make it simply astronomically expensive...

The adderall helps me do things like.....the DISHES (just barely)...and fixing our clothes room so that it is no longer a giant hulking mess....because soon, I will have to move all of our clothes and stuff into another room that I have to fix up because IT is a giant hulking mess...Plus, there is an infinite galaxy of other little menial tasks that are a lot harder for me to keep up with, than I guess it is for normal people.
When it is not allowing me to multi-task just slightly better, it is allowing me to focus more intensely on my non-productive routines...which is bad...
Anywhoo...I allow myself only the smallest dose, because I don't have much...and I try to balance it out with herbs to take off the crankiness...but still..I am under a lot of stress...so the crankiness is hard to avoid....
And then there are the creative projects I need to be working on...people have started ordering sock monkeys for the holidays, and I don't even have a sewing station set up at the moment....and people are bugging me about sock monkey workshops...and wanting me to make t-shirts for them and...so on and so on.....

and then last night my very good ASish friend, whose friendship helps keep me going got mad at me on the phone for bringing up the point that some Buddhists eat meat, and I had even read that the Dali Llama eats meat, and that Buddha himself ate meat...but that did not fit so very well into his rant...so he lashed out at me because I sometimes eat fish...This was after he had said some other dumb stuff about sexy girls he'd seen while he was out with his friends that just sorta made me feel bad because I am a girl of the non-sexy variety...and he idealizes the "perfect" female form....
And then I watched this movie last night that was really disturbing and it made me cry, and i have not quite been able to stop crying since....http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synecdoche,_New_York

ok..I am supposed to be doing office work right now...

i have no idea who you are, but *hug.* please breath deeply. sexy is relative. you sound very overwhelmed.

Ya know, it sounds like some of the people that got yelled at probably deserved it anyways

Try not to be so hard on yourself.

I could not live your life. I don't have the energy. You need to budget in some alone time I think or pare down what you're trying to do. After a few episodes of my own I made a rule that my son's friends couldn't come over until I had time to decompress from the day. Even on Saturdays I'll ask him not to turn on cartoons until I've finished my first cup of coffee. I love cartoons but the noise grates on me. It might be part of your stress is the noise. As far as mess goes, I find it helps if I just concentrate on getting rid of trash and junk first. Then the mess is a little smaller. Then I will put together like items in boxes to sort later. Just try to get stuff done that's going to stay done and only do a little bit at a time. I'm facing it myself. My son is afraid to sleep in his room so he sleeps on the couch and gradually his room has become the depository for everything I don't feel like dealing with.

I don't have the energy to live my life either...
I do have some alone time, as I wake up hours before anyone else...but that mainly result in me endulging in my horrible circular routines when I need to be just cleaning and nothing else, I guess...

Yarrr...on the rag again..no wonder so spazzy...
My cycle keeps getting shorter and shorter...2 peroids a month now...