to much bad stuff in my life! why?

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I'm not suicidal but sometimes i find living hard.

I had a strong feeling as a child that my mom would die when i was in my 20's

I'm 22 now and she had at most 10 years left. I really don't want her to do but i try to look on the bright side.. At least god gave me a warning at age 12 so i had time to prepare.

i am sad because i just god done reading the papers about her condition. It was so bad! talk of hospice and how peaceful it is to die because the carbon dioxide makes you go to sleep.

The things the paper listed that could help are things i am to stressed to do. It said to keep them away from cleaning supplies. Well i do clean but i cant do it all so my mom does some. I feel terrible but i am trying my best but i cant do all the house work.

We may lose our house too. The mortgage cost is at least 3 times higher then our income. So with our total family income it is not enough. We wont be on the street but it is so sad to lose the home we have.

I also miss my boyfriend who lives in England. I am in America. I am sad because if we lose the house i lose my internet and wont talk to him except the occasional letters.

I'm also sad because we both have problems working so i don't know how we will ever live in the same country. I will never give up on the hope though.

I just feel like my life is falling apart. I have never had a moment in my life when it wasent like this.

I was beaten all the time as a child and now i worry about my future.

I toled myself it would get better , it has but not enough.

Is it this bad for most people. because it seems like i get alot more problems then most.


Oh and i forgot to mention my back , its shot. I have scoliosis, caropl tunnel , 3 bulged discs and 1 extruded disc. and i worry about my health.

I keep getting small fluid filled cysts on my skin. I assumed they were pimples but the dermatologist said they were cysts.

I worry my body is trying to get rid of toxins and i may get cancer if it cant .

why is my life so bad?????

It makes me depressed

Please pray that my boyfriend can somehow immigrate to America. that would help. thanks.

Life can be very lonely, sad, and very depressing and straining. Its worth it in the end.

Stress can be a big cause of such actions by the body. Need to do something calming or stop worrying so much. I know its not likely to happen over night or really do much at first, but taking on a new attitude about things can help. Can be amazing at how much better you feel if you can find a new brighter way of looking at things. I know its not easy though.

What kinda condition does she have? may I ask. I don't mean to pry. I am sorry if inappropriate to ask.

I don't mind you asking. She has copd . She is still smoking too.