why dont my parents care?

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Whenever i have an emotional breakdown, or get snappy, or something, it always errupts into one of the "what's wrong with you?" discussions. i hate the fact that i get so angry, but i cant stop! when i NEED to be left alone, they just push and push until i get crazy.
for example, if i ask my dad to leave my room, he will come in...and if i start getting pissed, he gets in my face and pushes me back and stuff, and he wont let me pass him, so i get pretty upset...this always escalated until someone gets hit or something gets smashed. (and he doesnt just come in to ask me how i am, he will crack my door open and stare. it's really annoying. and he loves to test people and then play power games....he's a narcsissist.)
then they make me come into the livingroom, both stare me down, make me give eye contact, and make me "explain myself" often i cannot. and even if i know what the reason is, they dont listen to it or write it off as an excuse....its really painful to have to tell them how i feel. i cant discuss emotions with people like that, not unless they are one of my closest friends. and they usually punish me by taking away an instrument, or my computer.......i need those. i dont see how the punishment is even connected. all it means is i panick that they will search through my files and invade my privacy...or i lose my finger callouses.
im not trying to say that i shouldnt get punished, but they are doing it SO wrong. your supposed to learn, not just end up frustrated, reclusive and confused. (they are the reason i started cutting and when they found out.... i got beaten with a stick. i stopped on my own accord, fyi) youd think they would have realized by now that their methods dont work....they wonder why i never come out of my room anymore, or dont ever tell them things....its because i cant trust them, they've absolutely wrecked my trust and proved they dont care enough to try and understand me.

its so useless. i need space after i get mad. my sister and i are fine, because if we ever get in a fight, i will leave, regain composure for a few minutes, come back, and it's like nothing happened. i dont think i can just learn not to be angry when something bugs me. i never HAVE learned. and while i conceal it well, the parents push me beyond my limits. they take away my things, put me on the spot while im crying (this is like being stripped naked), and invade my personal space, pushing me or hitting me, they've even knocked me to the ground and sat on me before. i dont think discipline is supposed to be humiliating and so frustrating it drives you to cutting. if they would ask me to do things, and be normal humans, i would be ok, i like pleasing people, and my own guilt is enough discipline. thats how i keep my friends.
it kills me. i hate school, and i hate home life even more. i get nervous just talking to my mom at times. and i cant STAND my dad. they also get so mad at me for that. i cant help that he's someone i do not like.
now my parents think i look at porn and stuff, because im so secretive.



what should i do? and are anger issues like this an AS symptom? do i have a problem? or is it them?

I am 32 and it was not until last year that my mother finally understood that when I tell her that I need to be left alone, that I mean it. I wish she would have gotten it years ago... I might not have moved out when I was 16 had she listened to me then. I understand your frustration. If I do not have time to let whatever it is run its course, I will either shut down or blow up... either way, no good comes from it.

I would not say you have a problem... you seem to know what you need in order to be okay... the people involved seem to not be respecting your needs. I think it is unfair of them to push and then be upset by how you react. It's just hard when dealing with parents... As for what to do... Have you tried telling them (when there is no conflict going on) you need space and explaining to them that you will gladly address what they want to talk to you about, but you would be better equipped to do so after a cool down period? If they refuse to listen to you, perhaps a third party is the way to go. Maybe an aunt or uncle you trust or if your family is religious, maybe the person from your faith who counsels... Anyway... Sometimes an outside person can add objectivity or perspective or find a way to communicate what they are not hearing and understanding.

Sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. It sucks.

You'll need to make it clear to them how these things affect you. Don't talk about feelings as it's just too hard, be technical and tell them in as neutral a tone as possible what actually happens to your head and body when tehy do those things. To do that you'll need to know a little about how negative feedback loops and sensory issues work to create meltdowns (you getting angry) in those situations. I think there's a lot of reading on the subject in the parents section here ironically.

Look at the threads about persecution complexes too. You need to realise before you start that they're just trying to help you, they're doing it all wrong but it's all they know. They wont change what they're doing by you being angry at them, I know you can't help being angry when you talk to them face to face so the way to do it is via e-mail. This removes all the sensory problems and you'll be able to say what you need to say in a clear and reasoned manner and hopefully they'll be able to see you're not just an angry brat which sadly is probably what they think.

Go and get yourself diagnosed and they'll need to take it seriously. Make them buy some books for themselves to get educated on the subject. The only people who really should be making an effort for us is our parents and I can't imagine what it's like if they know what's wrong and still are unsupportive but I know it must be terrible. Make you're parents aware of what's happening to you.

they do most certainly think i am an angry brat. they think i am filled with excuses and unsensitive. but this is so far from true
i wrote them a massive letter explaining this stuff, but they ignored it after reading it.
confronting them is awful, i have social anxiety and intimacy issues, but i will try. i think if i can get my sister to get me a diagnosis next time i am in the states, that would be best. i dont think they would be able to write off AS as a false sort of disorder. do you think they refuse to believe me because they dont want their child to have an autistic spectrum disorder?

i really wish they would just GET it. ugh. things are hard. relationships are hard.

this will be hard. i think i should get a diagnosis first.

. it feels better not being alone, doesnt it.

It's clear to me that your parents have no concept of boundaries or personal space. The fact that they bet you up when they found out that you were cutting yourself also boggles my mind, I mean how was that supposed to help you? Your parents behaviour is not normal behaviour, you are not the one with the problem here.

A diagnosis might help, though if they really don't want to hear it they won't. A neutral third party may be able to help too.

well she didnt "beat me up" she just wacked me about with a stick.
but they dont have any sense of boundaries.

i hope it does. at least if they dont beleive it, other people can.

Sounds so much like my situation, which has been troubling me for multiple years. From what I've been told by therapists, some people on WP, and had thought to my self is some times people will not change their ways. The only way to make the stress stop is to get away. Meaning, move out ASAP or take a walk.

I think their inability to tolerate and understand you is a problem.

i want to move out. im scared but it would be better for me.

Parents usually have no sense of boundaries because they think that it's 'their' house so they have the right to be wherever in the house that they want. And if you're a minor (sometimes even after that), they think they have the right to provoke you. But this isn't right.

My own mom, if she feels the need to discuss a particular issue, will be very stubborn and insist on talking about whatever, sometimes refusing to leave my room when I tell her I don't want to discuss anything.

She thinks I go on my computer to avoid thinking about life and the future but this is not true.

same! the computer is what keeps me sane.