embarassing mild panic attack in art class.

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ok, it could have been much, much worse, but it left me feeling awful.

in art class, i was just sitting when the teacher announces everyone has to go up front and tell the class about their favourite piece of art, alone. i have severe social anxiety. i get the whole shabang of symptoms imaginable. so i started panicking, and shaking, and positive i turned either bright red or white, i thought i was being pretty inconspicuous, but the guy giving the presentation at the time actually gave me a wierd look! so he noticed my irrational discomfort, i must have looked like i was seeing a ghost. X(. i managed to pass my teacher a note saying i couldnt do it, and he was very understanding and rubbed my shoulder (this is one of the most relaxing touches a person can give me) and said it was fine, but i was STILL feeling panicked, and i didnt even have to present. i guess i was afraid someone might inquire why i didnt, thus putting me on the spot with no answer (cant tell the class i have a disorder....) so i had to excuse my self from the class, and didnt come back. . i felt like a failure.
then afterwards i had to play basketball, and this guy who was in my art class was like "hey, why did you skip class?" and all i could say was "uh, no reason."
FAIL ON MY PART. i failed at basketball, too. . this guy was like "Leila, would you actually do something?" i just couldnt for some reason. thinking too slow and being too upset. grrr.
i hate how lame i am. i think i will amount to nothing in life. and i hate social anxiety disorder. people dont realize how bad it actually is, because they have similar symptoms, however they just cant imagine the extent i feel. when im put on the spot, i literally feel like i'm going to die. not socially die, physically die! and i might actually s**t my pants or pass out.

I used to get extreme panic attacks when I was in high school too.

Let all your instructors know that you have a anxiety condition (have your parents write a note and bring a doctors note too if it will help). Ask that you be excused from speaking at the front of the class or "put on the spot" by the teacher. Offer to volunteer (if you are feeling up to it) by raising your hand to speak or answer an open question. You might also discuss that you sometimes need to leave the room if you have a panic attack. Explain that you would rather not ask permission. If one of your classmates asks you about it, have a stock answer, such as, "I have a personal reason that has been discussed with the school administration." If the classmate presses, you might say, "this is a personal matter, I would like to leave it at that." If they continue (only a really, really dense person would continue at this point) you might say, "the discussion is closed" and change the subject or walk away from the prying classmate.

I don't get the panic attacks as much as I did in my younger years, but it can still happen (mine usually trigger when I don't understand what is being presented - ironically, I am actually very skilled at public speaking). When I attend workshops or courses, I let the instructor or facilitator know of my situation and what I need to avoid attacks (on a confidential basis) and, just knowing that I feel safe and have an exit strategy, I tend to not have attacks.

Although I can't imagine the extent that your social anxiety feels to you, I can assure you that you are not "lame" or that you will "amount to nothing in life." As intense as this anxiety is - you will eventually find ways to work with your condition and you will excel in your endevours.

if that's a panic attack then i've had many of those in similar situations.

i've also had a truly horrific panic attack once when i was hella feverish and woke up around 3am. irrational paranoia set in for only god knows why, my heart felt unbearably like it was going to beat out of my chest, i was getting unprecedented adrenaline rushes, had no idea what was happening to me, my mind felt like it was literally crumbling to pieces even as i frantically fought to stabilize my thoughts, i was alone in the dark and feeling weak and generally horrible with strepp throat and irrationally scared as hell, and for whatever crazy reason of the moment absolutely sure beyond all reason that i was going to die.

it was with great effort that i got through that. i took hot & cold showers for apprx 40 minutes and then cacooned myself in a sleeping bag and towels and counted backward from 10 for about half an hour or so until i passed out asleep. in hindsight it was prolly around the time the fever broke.

worst feeling ever. i would refuse a trillion dollars to never feel that again.

I like CanadaRose's reply too. I've had anxiety attacks in airports (I truly loathe airports and airplanes for sensory reasons), and have survived them. They suck when they happen, but I go on after, and sometimes even make it to where I'm trying to go, or end up somewhere else, depending on airline schedules...

You are definitely not lame or any other adjective you might use. You can still become what you want to be and do what you want to do, just maybe not quite in the way you currently think.

i have also had the full blown panic attack. it is awful. you ARE positive you are going to die. its physical, emotional, mental...your body just like...knows it. then it passes.

There was a girl in my ASL class this past summer who had terrible stage fright and would have a panic attack if she had to present in front of a large group. The instructor was kind enough to let her due her presentation in front of her and a small group of friends only.

I hate getting up in front of the class and speaking. In my Spanish class we have to translate a dialogue from English to Spanish and I end up stuttering or forgetting not that I don't know the material it's just that I freeze up.

I use to faint whenever I got up front depending on how bad I was.

Sounds almost like a panic attack. I think the thing that helped me the most was getting on clonozepam.

thank you for the kind words. it's really reassuring, i love how people are like that on this site.

i dont think the guy in PE class meant to be mean...i guess i could have easily be seen as just being ;azy, but it wasnt that.

I hate being touched on the shoulder.

Some years ago, I had to do a presentation-like thing in English, but I was unable to do it. This was before I knew of AS. So I was permitted to do it solo on a tape recorder. Even then I felt awkward, it took me ages. I'm such a perfectionist.

As long as your teachers are understanding compared to your peers, who cares what everyone else thinks...