death or AS/autism

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Please note Im not suicidal when I write this, just really discouraged and down ATM.


It seems that people on the spectrum are most likely destined to live an unhappy life. (otherwise why would this board exist?) Bullying in school, high unemployment rates, social isolation, problems initating or sustaining relationships...all the things that make life worth living it seems alot of people like us are subseqeuntly denied.


So what is the point of living if you are denied or at the very least given an obsticle when trying to go for things that make life meaninful and worth living????

Im so tired of being disrespected (even by my own family), or being ignored. I wish I was dead so i wouldn't have to deal with this anymore.

My mom put this very well:

"Sometimes, you just need someone to hold you and say, "Life sucks.""

It's not just the autism (though of course it contributes to it). Life sucks sometimes for everyone. Dath is final and not giving life a chance to get better. Wait it out, and it should improve. Not to invalidte how you feel; you have an inalienable right to feel like s**t.

Nor was it taken as such. It is merely presenting another
point of reference to the aspects of Autism.



And what is funny about this is that people think just because we
can educate the autistic person that all should be just fine! Hmmmmm?
RIGHT!

I think not. They can have college degree's, but unless they explore
their self-employment potentioan with them, it is most likely once word
got out that you have autism, your co-workers are more likely to treat
you like a casualty, not a person. Earlier on in that employment you
were just a strange individual. So much misunderstanding.

I can see the cars they drive, and people they know, and conversations
they have, ect.... and know internally that isn't me. I wonder how
many this would apply to who read this statement.



So am I and others. The way I see a college degree as a example
is to start my own business. The real world doesn't see skill
but how you fit in most of the time.


Hmmmmmmm?
Some questions!

1)...What particular difficulties are you facing at this moment
of time?

2)...What is going on with your family and you?

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

P.S..I hope your day improves

For the record, i refer to this struggle in the SHOW MUST GO ON
video. I believe you downloaded the videos I did, Jman?

If so increase the video size and in the first part talks about
silence and it's internal reaction. The second script talks about
autism. I did that video for autism sake.

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

To quote another queen song. "I don't want to die, I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all"

Jman, I went through a period of feeling like this, when I was in college, and at that time I had no idea what the problem was. I just knew, and even before that, I suspected, that I would never have the kind of life that everyone else would. Sometimes I do still long for a normal life with a wife and kids, or just the ability to have a normal job and friendships.

But, what makes life worth living is a very subjective thing. Sometimes when I am alone and I can relax, and listen to some good music, the world appears so beautiful. The kind of beauty that one can only see from a distance. And I just want to express it some how. This is what keeps me going, this beauty. It makes life worth living for me. Because I see all too clearly how fragile everything is.

The "normal life" that I will never have is still only one catastrophe away from despair.
Everything arises and changes and passes away, or to dip into the classic rock archives again.
"all we are is dust in the wind"
So I would just suggest that you try and forget about all the things that are "supposed to" make life worth living, and really figure out what makes your life meaningful. What inspires you ?
Hope you feel better.

i didn't vote mainly because i'm so torn about it.

i think that if it weren't for my kids, i'd rather be dead.

i'm so tired of the struggle. tired of trying to do what is expected of me and failing time and time again, and then being judged because of it.

i honestly believe if it weren't for my kids, i'd let the autism take over and totally leave this world. i hate it here.

april

So is this prophecy really set in stone for , or am I really just wasting my time in college ???

I think not...

I am feeling alot better now but I have to say that though this scenario can happen with people on the spectrum, it doesn't always work out that way.

I think maybe it's just a matter of adapting to the NT world, which requires alot of effort and some compromise but I know from experience that it can be worth it so I can obtain my goals. Im not saying be fake, but use your autism traits to your advantage. Like the ability to analyze is a good one.


Also as part of my course requirement im taking a class on interpersonal skills and how to deal with different types of people. That should help a lil bit. Besides when im in the workplace, I'll keep my personal business (including autism) to myself. Thats how it should be in the workplace.






I was just upset about somethings going on in my family. Like the way my ten year old sister likes to insult me, and gets away with it. I talked to a counselor at school about it and she says I shouldn't let her get under my skin because shes only ten and doesn't understand personal boundaries. But it's so hard because the way she insults me reminds of the bullying i received in school.I think had i not been bullied i would have taken what she is saying with a grain of salt.

I just feel like im ignored alot of the time anymore, I rarely ever get bullied, its just other people dominate me socially in conversations.

Like for example we're doing a class project where we're split into teams. Im the leader of the team. My team is doing pretty good so far, but it seems the other members dominate me socially, and am supposed to be leading it. Im hoping i can stick it out because the final project is a manual of how to install different operating systems. Whoever has the best one will get their's published. So far my team is ahead of all the other teams according to the instructor. If i pull this off successfully, I can hand that manual to an employer and say "look what I did".




And who says you still can't have those things, spacemonkey?

the proffessionals?????

Don't listen to them. Pursue your dreams. You say you long for a normal life??? Do you what you have to do to improve yourself so you can have those things that make a normal life.

It seems to me by "accepting" the way things are is a self defeatist attitude. Their are alot of people on the spectrum that fall through the cracks, however their are some that can be very successful. If other people on the spectrum can be successful, so can you.

In order do this you would probably have to set goals for yourself. Knowing autism is a spectrum disorder, find out what your strengths and weaknesses are, play on your strengths and find ways to improve your weaknesses.



You can still "stop and smell the roses" while living a good life.





In conclusion to all this I guess I need to learn how to take my own advice.

I propose that:
"This board exists for fun and company, as well as for ranting and sheltering from the storm."

Not all the things: there's food, there's wine, there's humour.
There's books, and conversation with intelligent people.

And yes, plenty of obstacles, but unless you're that rare one with "loads of money" that's the norm, AS or not. (Apparently the rich have their own troubles, but I'd love the chance to test that theory out for myself).

No, I'm not sure life is meaningful, but that's a philisophical issue, not down to the basic obstacles that life presents.

And if I was deciding to quit, I'd at least consider the possibility of doing a little bit of social engineering on the way.
As Winston Churchill said, "You can always take one with you." Or two, or three or four...
Now there's a controversial thought.

yeah jman, I haven't given up by any means, and I don't deal with any of the professionals. I just meant that my relationships will never really be typical. I know that I have a lot of obstacles to deal with, and I have to make certain compromises. And as far as finding a mate, I have come to the realization that it will take the type of person that you don't meet around every corner.
But my point was that despite all of that, there are things that keep me going, and ultimately make life worthwhile to me.

i like to be as positive as i can but lately the grim reaper would seem like a welcome relief! i really have to move out of home sometime soon, but my choices are between what would in the days before political correctness have been called a group home, and something which would seem to be like an institution by another name. or remain stuck at home with no prospects and no life, and be forced into one or the other when the time comes

i went to see the group home, and it was my idea of living hell. well if i'm going to be forced to live in hell i may as well go to the real Hell!

Work sucks alot more than AS, imo. I don't hate my job in particular, I just hate working in general. And I don't think my AS contributes to it. I just keep telling myself repeatedly, "Its what most people do for a living. Deal with it!" but it still doesn't make me feel any better about it

Why are those your only options????? Don't you realize you have other options???


The fact that you're saying this makes me so angry because based on some of your posts I've read, you're way too high functioning for a group home or insitution.

God damn man I've worked as an aide in group home and these people could barely bathe themselves, let alone write on a message board on the internet.

You have options, I'd contact your local ASA, or maybe even get an attorney that specializes in people with disabiltites.

You may be entitled to services such as SSI/SSDI, vocational rehab which could provide job training or money for schooling, and low cost housing.

Imagine with those services you can live on your own, plus vocational rehab can prepare for a career thats suits your strengths, weaknesses, and interests.

Think about Divad you're better than that, ret*ds and nutcases live in group homes.

You're neither!

I'd rather be on the Tea Cup ride though life seems more like a never-ending ride on Space Mountain. (didn't someone recently get killed on that thing? )

But anyway, what is a "normal" life? I think what we mean when we say the word, "normal" is "ideal". There are a million versions of normal each one according to what culture and family you're born into. Maybe what we need to do is invent our own type of "normal", one that makes us truly happy and is managable, not one someone else picked for us.

I look at the people around me who do have what society says we should want and they're still miserable. And isn't "normal" a little, well, uninspiring and boring? Who do we remember most, those who lived a routine existance or the ones who didn't?

My life sucks, and I wish I could just die to get rid of it, but I'm not so sure it's related to AS. My job sucks big fat hairy donkey ears and is destroying the quality of my life. AS-related overload and dislike of change doesn't help, but I doubt that an NT in my shoes would find it to be sunshine and roses.

I've been looking for other jobs, but haven't gotten any interviews yet

My life is decent. I have currently established myself as one of the top students in my school and have APed and all sorts of stuff like crazy. My social life is ok, I talk to people and have some pleasant dialogue but I don't ever feel close to anyone and I don't really feel attracted to most of the females in my school, I guess I sort of want a woman because I am at the age and stuff but none of the females at my school seem similar enough to me to be attractive. I dunno, life is decent. I am mostly motivated by the hope/opportunity of it getting better though.

I think we all feel like that sometimes. That the options are limited, I mean. But really are they?