is crying a weakness?

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i consider it as such and try so hard not to and fight so hard to keep myself from doing so in any situation.

i just broke down again while peting my injured cat kirby, i blame myself for his condition even though everyone says there is no way i could have known that would happen i still hold myself completely responceble, i had choice i could have kept him inside but no.

maybe i'm weak because so much can bring me to tears besides death and tragity on the news, i'm basicly heartless if that someone or something isn't close to me like my intrmedate family that includes my cats or my friend or computer.

i just feel so weak when i break down and i'm ashamed of that i mean aren't aspies suppose to be heartless [that's what it says on wikipedia] and i'm a tomboy i'm suppose to be tough right?

Whoever says Aspies are heartless are the heartless ones themselves. How wrong for people to accuse us of that with everything else we must endure! We are people too, and we feel emotions! In fact I would argue we feel emotions even more intensely than NTs, its just that some emotions are no so easily expressed.

Crying is not weak. It's not weak to be human. Or alien, or whatever the heck we are. I am emotionally distant from alot of people, I think part of it is just something that is a human instinct from way back that not all people experience - is to only care about people close to you and not of anyone else. But then... it's not that I don't CARE, its not that its not sad what happens to starving people and whatever, but I just don't notice it, I don't think about it or focus on it. I mean its not my business, I have no control over other people's lives, so I only concentrate on the ones involved in MY life. If anyone else can benefit, its all good. But I'm not going to go out of my way to be some saint. In fact, I'm GLAD that I don't get so sad about all the tragedities of the world, cause then how could I even function, in such a sad world as this?

Are you a girl? You say you are a tomboy. I feel the same way, I cry alot, and I don't want to show it to anyone. I mean, in a way I do, because I want love, I want people to care about me, but it doesn't seem fair when I don't put so much interest into anyone else in the same way.... Seems kind of selfish in a way, but I can't help it.

It's certainly not weak to cry about something that means so much to you - your beloved pet, and the sadness about him being hurt, and that makes you very sad and thats's totally normal. Man, I cry over things that are very important to me emotionally but so many other people would point and laugh if I tried to explain what made me sad. Ofcourse sometimes I have darker moments when its easy to make me fall into weakness, but in your case right now, its totally normal.

And again as far as AS people being heartless, its totally BS. I see myself as one of the most loving, nurturing, romantic, compassionate, loyal people around. I just don't normally have a way to express this. When I had a bird, he was my best friend in the whole world, and I never took him for granted, and I loved him so much.... But I don't like kids and don't want to be a parent. I seem emotionally distant from most people, but I make a great friend who listens and tries to help, and when it comes to someone I am emotionally/romantically attached to, I have so much love to give and so much love I want to receive, so I am anything but heartless! And it sounds the same way for you as well. Especially having AS, you know, you can feel really alone at times and like no one understands you or feels your pain. And then you have your wonderful pet there, and he's NEVER judged you and always been there for you, and always been wonderful, so ofcourse you have so much love to give to him, because he gives so much love to YOU! It is a give and take scenerio. Ofcourse it is hard to care for random people out there because you don't know anything about them.

But its not your fault.... I think it is more the fault of the dog owners who didn't train their dog properly and didn't watch him. Don't blame yourself, besides, its in the past now and you got him to a hospital and he's healing, and your love will heal him too, so thats all you can do now. Don't beat up on yourself for what you can't go back and change.

Crying is because of sadness or frustration. It's not weak I think. I can imagine though that you feel bad crying when you are around people. Personally I don't want to cry when people are around. The respond to it, usually in an apropriate way I think. Saying things about what you think and feel which are not true. They probably say somethink that THEY would feel or think.

Anyhow. I don't think crying is weak.

to soildess

i just took what i read off of wikipedia and i think i've been playing and thinking about kingdom hearts to much hence the heartless comment and i consider myself heartless most of the time.

yeah i care alot about my family i know i get mad at them for not listening and not understanding but i know that when my mom got sick i stayed home and cared for her without complaining. when she went to the hospital for kindney failure i got so depressed and distenced myself from the world even more then normal by creating a world of my own that i could excape to because i was so afraid she would die that i couldn't take it. i feel the same way about the rest of the world i mean sure it's bad but what can i do about it, it's not worth getting upset about.

yeah i'm a girl and i'm a tomboy been that way as far as i can remember. me i don't think on getting love from others i most of the time want to be left alone but if someone i care about gets into a serious accident i'd be the first to ask if i can help. heck when kirby got hurt i wanted to stay the night at the vets with him just to see if he was going to be alright and i'd been willing to moniter him the whole night too i didn't care about sleep.

i have to say i'm not romatic at all but i am caring as said above ^ and i am loyal because i'd do anything for my best friend. i have to say before kirby was attacked i was taking him for granted and that's probably why his condition hurts me more and also not alowing him in my room today was not the best thing i could do, he's been through so much in the last few weeks. i know that from now on i'm not taking either cat for granted anymore. i don't want to be a parent either cause i feel i would abuse them not physical abuse but lack of care type i just don't think i can take care of a family. yeah my pet has never judged me ever even after shoing him out of my room today i went out and pet him and he purred and just loved my attention like nothing ever happened, if i were him i'd be unhappy for the rest of the day but not kirby no matter what he'll always be friendly to me.

yeah the dog owners let him run through the whole nieghbor hood and from what i heard the dog is part pitbull and he gets fed cow heads [that's what my dad told me that he saw the dog eating one day] the dog also got 38 of his chickens and he still did nothing. yeah he is on the road to recovery he just got his feeding tube out today now he needs to get back to eating again, i'm afraid that he won't but mom said he did eat a little bit today. i know i shouldn't but i just feel so bad.

to starling

yeah i hate crying in public it's just embarresing. yeah most people say something like "get over it" or something like that. yeah it's like people try to define what your feeling and map it out so they can fix the problem it's annoying. yeah i agree but most of the time when i'm upset all i want is some one to just sit there shut up and let me get everything out. another thing i don't like, my mom does this often, i have this pill that calms me down i call it the white pill for obveous [can't spell] reasons and she gives it to me when i'm upset when all i want to do is get everything out and calm myself down naturally even if it takes hours.

i consider myself to be heartless which is why i put that down there, i probably could have reworded though.

yeah same here i'll most likely save my pet before about anyone else.

saix: you'd let me die.
you live in my head so shut up.
saix: ......... evil.
*grins*

healthy then why do i get headaches? yeah i guess they do but it probably has to be really tramatic, well that's coming from being around my own father i never saw him cry till his dad died.

When I was young I got the very clear message that crying was unacceptable...my mom said I just did it to get attention or get my way....Even at that age I could see the flaw in her reasoning...Just because it made her uncomfortable did not mean that was my intent...not a logical corrilation(unfortantely ,I was to young to be able to express this to her)I just new that I felt what I felt and my body reacted by crying and I had no control over it....I did learn to cry "quitly" and "covertly" and not to express "uncomfortable emotions"...like anger or sadness...

I dont think you should have to take a pill to supress your feelingss,actually feel it is detrimental,but I have chosen to take small dose of effexer to supress tears(which I tend to have as a reaction to stress as well as sadness)because it is the only way I canfunction in an NT world(not exceptable to cry during work or job interviews)

I have been confussed by what I see as a contridiction in AS DX...or some interpretations...

How can someone have no empathy and yet have difficulty seeing other people as seperate from themselves...(cant recall the term for this)I think this trait of over identifing with people is what makes me empathetic!I ,only tend to do this with people who are "oppressed"by society...much as I see myself...but I do think I over generalize...think everyone is me until they say something that persuades me otherwise,such as..."how 'bout them...insert sports team here" or "isnt Bush doing a great job as president"....then my empathy goes right out the window or down the drain...(i do understand metephores that are vissual)off on a tangent..sorry

I think my empathy has accually been a positive in my jobs, working with MI/CD kids and DD residence....I feel like I am in their shoes or have been or might be...so its easier to be patient and respectful of their uniqness(instead of talking down to ,bossing or ignoring them as many co-workers do.They sense this from me and I have much better success working with them.

I dont think people try and "solve the problem" out of empathy but because crying people make them uncomfortable and they want you to stop....uncomfortable because they might have to feel their own pain,destracted by your crying,feel powerless...some people hate feeling this!Real empathy means acknowledgeing an individuals "right" to feel and express emotions as they experience them.

Now that thats all said....I feel very uncomfortable when someone I love crys because I am not sure how to repond or think I should put my arm around them or give a hug which is very uncomfortable to me...though I love it when someone I know cares about me does it for me(sometimes and only briefly....and I have done it,but yow...it isnt easy....

lastly(finally ),I am more empathetic towards my cats.They are the perfect expression of love, no messy emotions to sort out...just pure love....they are the only "kids" I ever wanted.I was afraid to pass my genetics on ,long before finding about(so not related to )AS..I just knew I never wanted to be on this planet so it seemed cruel to drag some other being into this mess....but thats coming from life long depression...not judgement on people who chose to breed...I know it is a very rewarding thing for many parents...so,no diss intended, just aware of my own limitations...

oh,I'm female and life long tomboy so I understand feeling embarressed about being a "crybaby"...hate that word!But I dont think some males "turning their depression outwards"and exhibiting rage because its more socially exceptable in our culture,is a good thing .Let them feel sad and cry for cripes sake"

Hmm people here with long replys say no so I agree with them because I was like you and I thought crying was wrong. I also thought crying in front of a girl was wrong to but I found out that wasn't that wrong. Men cry and always will. Like me

I've cried over Buses around a certian date, each month. That happened until May. I might cry over objects, instead of people, but I think that soft Emotions are valid and that they're not a sign of Weakness. To cry is to be Human. Not to cry, is to be a Robot.

The only ones who see crying as a weakness are those fu***** NTs! Unfortunately, they own the world!

I agree with hale bopp. We Aspie aren't cold, we're just unbable to express ourselve as well as NTs. Crying is not weak, since you have to release all that emotion somehow. I think it's an incredibly foolish thing not to cry when you're alone with no one to talk with because if hold all that emotion inside of yourself, you'll express it in other ways. For example: One day I came home from karate when I was in a meltdown and felt like I needing to get all of this emotion off my back, but I was around my family at the time, so I didn't want to make a scene and start crying. I didn't feel like talking to them about it, so I slit my wrist, which stopped the breakdown and freaked my family out more so than if I had talked to them or just cried. My point is when you're feeling down, either talk to someone you know very well or cry if you're alone.

Crying is not a weakness. It is a strength. It is ok to cry. There shouldn't be a reason why anyone would stop you. Crying is good for you.

Crying is not a weakness, it is an expression of emotion, just like smiling or laughing. It is not something you can control, and it is OK to cry.

I'm sorry that you cat got injured. I didn't hear about that until I read this post. But that is not something that you can blame yourself for. Cats are fiercely independent animals, and many cats are unhappy kept entirely indoors. You let your cat outside because you thought it was the best thing for your cat, and I do the same. Your cat could have got hurt indoors too. That your cat got injured is not your fault at all.