Frustrated with my father

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He's always acting like I'm just a problem person, and treating everyone else like a victim. This morning I got frustrated because I couldn't use the bathroom. My mom started bitching at me and I said "Drop it and leave it alone" in sort of a rude tone. Then he came in and started yelling at me, saying that I was abusing her. I said that wasn't abuse, but he said it was and it was unacceptable. This from a guy who used to clobber me in the head every time I said something he didn't like. But that doesn't matter to him anymore because he's forgotten it completely. He says he just "swatted" me "a couple times" when I was being "really outrageous" and deserved it. I guess that bruise he gave me on my leg when I was 8 was just light discipline. Or the times he pinned me down on my bed and cut off my breathing, claiming that he was "restraining me because I was completely out of control". He thinks I'm just a bad person. One time he came into my room for no reason and said "Your MOTHER, who did EVERYTHING for you, who went through so much pain to give you life, is downstairs, crying, and making YOUR dinner. Go apologize to her." I was like "What the hell did I do?" He said "You know perfectly well what you did." I'm guessing he got into a fight with her over the fact that I was alive, which was what he was blaming me for. He probably got her really upset, then convinced himself that it was my fault. I fu¢king hate him.

Sounds like he has an anger issue there. He really should try counseling. As far as it goes for you, have you talked to a therapist about this? I think that would really be helpful. And also, stand up to him. I don't mean hit him, or anything like that, just say something like "Dad, you've abused me for many years, and I'm not going to put up with it anymore." Hope this helps!

That's not going to work. He's convinced himself that all he did was give me mild punishments for being really outrageous. He probably doesn't even remember abusing me.

What your father did to you at age 8 was abuse. I'm so sorry that he did that to you, but no parent should have done what he did to you then and now. That is physical and emotional abuse. It makes me sad to read about this. Does anyone else in the family know about this? Your grandparents? Another relative like an aunt or uncle? What about someone in school? Did anyone in school especially teachers notice the abuse?

Work as hard as you can to get out of that house... You do need to stand up to him - This would be a good time to look him in the eye and stare him down. I wouldn't even try to argue with him, because he won't respect your opinion. Sorry he's an a$$hole.

I don't want anyone to know about this. If they do, they'll just call the police, and either my dad would go to jail, which I don't want, or I would look stupid because people didn't believe me. He doesn't hurt me anymore, but he still has that same "All you do is make people miserable" attitude towards me, and I hate it. All I want is to move out of my parents' house and live on my own, just forget about all of it, but I can't do that right now.

I can understand this to a level, growing up, my dad and i were pretty much at odds. He mostly used verbal assaults and has very poor self management issues (ie, takes his problems out on his family). He would use a paddle, but his max was 3 swats to the rear (used to pop mouths, but my mother got him to stop that immediately). To this day, i still have trouble getting him to shut the hell up on job hunting (because: 1) I get nothing out of job hunting except stress, 2) The job market still sucks) . . . had to shut him up about over Thanksgiving (mother even joined me on this). I know my father is like this since his father, and later step-father, did the same to him. Are there any relatives nearby that would be willing to help you out, because you do NOT deserve him as a father. Push comes to shove, take a vow of silence and never talk to him again unless the first thing out of his mouth is an apology and his immediate anger councilling. Talk to your mother when he's not around and see what's up as well. Both of you might even be able to start a case.

I can understand your frustration. However, I don't agree with all the posters. The reason is simple; life without your parents is hard. Especially when you leave your parents in a fight, this will only make you feel guilty in the long run.

What would I do? I guess I would try to reason my way out without a power struggle.

Your dad probably abused you because his parents acted no different towards him. He might even be right if he says you abuse your mother sometimes... without knowing it you are probably more like your dad than you think or would like to admit.

If he ever gets mad and accuses him of abusing anyone. You could say (without showing emotion) "Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't. The only thing I know is that one can only abuse if one is tought to do so. Do you think you tought me how to abuse someone, dad, are you afraid I'm just like you?".

This might make him mad at first, but he will think about it later... and maybe in time get a little less harsh on you.

That is good advice. A couple months ago, my mom told me that she hoped I would have a daughter just like me one day. (Meaning, because I am so difficult I deserve to be punished in kind.) I responded by telling her "That's usually how it works"...

awesome!! ! very nice reply, and the truth indeed!

Understandably!



I actualy tried that once. It failed. Mine suddenly had memory problems, and laughed like I was stupid.

Ottorocketforever mentioned talking with someone. If you are afraid to tell someone, there are help-lines available that may be able lend you a hand. Help-lines deal with callers anonymously. This means you can use a pseudonym and they won't know who you are. They will ask about your situation and give you a chance to explain to them what is going on. They will listen. They will know if there are any services around that may be helpful or if you wish to remain anonymous the phone-line itself is a service that is available on a repeat basis, whenever is needed.

It is amazing how much help they can offer, even just by listening. You could try googling your area for help-line. There should be something out there.