a lot of bad stuff in my life. need your help

Post Reply New Topic

My mom may have breast cancer. The doctor's did a test and it is taking forever to get the results. I'm scared cause i thought i had 10 years left with my mom, (who has severe copd and almost died last year from it in the hospital)

I am so scared. i started self medicating to dull the pain a while ago. and anyone who had read my post know how against meds i am. I was taking some ambien i got from my mom.

I tolled her i needed to sleep which s true i have gone almost 2 days at a time without sleeping. cause of stress, and it happened more them once.

But i really needed them cause i have gone through so much my whole life that i just need to be sedated so i could slow down all these emotions for a bit.

God i just cant believe it is one thing after another.

If my mom ides i will probably end up on the street because my dad. who beat me all the time as a kid. will throw me out. the only reason he doesn't now is cause mom wont let him.

My father is nuts he shot at people before chased a child down the rode with a gun and beat me my siblings and my pets often. he beat my dog over the head with block of wood .

I finally called the cops on him when he told me he would shoot my dog. i got kicked out for "being nuts". or that was his excuse. i know i'm not nuts there are still bullet holes in the wall from when she shot at my friend.
I told the cop that too.


But back the the present.

I cant take losing my mom. i need her. im scared. and i just cant take much more drama.

We may lose our house. my dad is selling the only other house we own that we got from my grand mother. he will get very little money for it and not enough to save this home. so we will be homeless.

I cant take all this crap.

i am having hallucinations again. am not hearing things that aren't there but i am feeling this on my skin that aren't there. tactile hallucinations is what its called.

I feel feathers brushing on my skin and there are no feathers. last time this happened i had a psychotic break and went completely insane and lost touch with reality.

I know its from stress so I'm talking about it . please i need your emotional support so i don't go off the deep end again. i cant afford to. my mom might not be alive when my mind comes back.

my tactile hallucinations my also be caused by the Ambien. i am slowly getting off it im on half a pill and am going to stop taking it complelty tomorrow.
I say halosenations are side effect so. I decided to stop it yesterday cause its making me feel funky.

I'm just so stressed right now and i just really need to talk to someone about it so im posting here,

I would've informed the cops about your dad's abuse ages ago. Did they not follow up on it or did your dad talked them into going away? The cops NEED to hear your side of the story or else your dad's abuse is going to take over your life. The abuse is REALLY bad it sounds like. People need to know. You dont have to talk to police. You can talk to social services or there's got to be some sort of other support place in your area that will listen to you. You've let the abuse go on for way too long. You're only chance is to at least talk to someone who can help. There are also counseling hotlines that can listen to your concerns about your hallucinations. Someone is bound to help but you gotta speak up...especially about the abuse.

Ive gone to an abuse shelter for it and talked about it a lot. he dose not not beat me any more but I'm just afraid he will kick me out when my mom dies.

I'm so worried about my mom. i just am so overwhelmed by the stress.

My neighbor lets me vent to her but i don't want to tell her I'm stressed. she is trying to get away from her abusive partner. i helped her find a house but i have to stay where i am cause i worry to much about my mom and i cant live alone because i have to many issues and not enough money.

I didn't talk about the abuse as a child because i did not want to be put in a foster home. i knew i would be out on the street at 18 so i decided to keep quiet.

The years of silence have take there toll though. i have some sort of dissociative disorder. Ive never been diagnosed but i have times where i do things and end up places and have no memory of it. i freaks me out but i know its from the stress.

Waiting for test results can certainly be stressful, but projecting outcomes can only make that stress worse.

How is your mom handing the wait? It sounds like she very well knows what you might have to face someday if your father actually does outlive her, and right now could be a very good time for you to be there for her.

The best thing that you can do, is to be there for your mum.

I am sorry you have had such suffering in life so far justme, I cannot imagine how you have gotten through it with any sanity. I am not sure I could have so it shows you have more strength than most. I am also sorry about your mum. I have mild COPD myself, but have been told it wont get worse if I stay off smoking.

I am here if you ever want to im and talk etc. It is good to have a sounding board.I think talking about it is the best thing you can do right now, and will help you to hold it together in real life better.

I did lose my sanity for a while from the stress. but it helped me to talk about my problems, so i got better.


thank you for your offer. perhaps we can both talk about our problems. and between the 2 of us maybe we can help each other feel a little better.

I'm glad you were able to quit smoking your saving your life by quitting.

thank you