Crippled

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Yes, I still feel and act like a social cripple with no hope in these areas of life.

Sure it is informative to read books about AS and meet others with AS on forums like here
but it still doesn't change my social odds in life and there are times I still feel like I've got no limbs and just lying on the ground staring straight up.

Sorry if this sounds like a bit of a rant but that's just how it goes from time to time.

I'm so sorry you feel that way. You're very eloquent in your description.
I wish I had something helpful to say to you. You fit right in here, if that
helps. I hope you come to see us as your friends and your support
system. You're not alone.

yeah, I am actually pretty well educated and well considered by my peers and very good at everything I try except social skills and small talk which makes everything else useless

Small talk is realy no fun but if you can learn to fake it, you'll feel a lot better when situations come up where you want to just blend in. I had a horrible time until my 30s with wanting so badly to fit in, then in my mid 30's I just said f*** it, and I say whatever I want to most of the time. If people ask, I'll just tell them flat out that I don't really like people. However, once you learn a few phrases and when they are appropriate and learn to say them in the 'correct' tone of voice and facial expression, it's just automatic. I was horribly awkward in social situations until high school and even through it, but I did have a few 'normal' friends who were nevertheless not in the mainstream popular group, and two of them were very helpful to me in telling me "Hey, don't DO that, people will think your wierd" or "suck in your stomach when your wearing a bathing suit" or "stop staring at that guy and if he does talk to you for God's sakes LOOK AT HIM" and they would remind me or tell people "Oh, that's just how she is" and treat it like it was no big deal. They would also help by being happy and excited whenever I had any progress. One of them is dead now, and the other is married to my abusive ex husband who I only married for a year when I was 18 just to get away from my mother. It's wierd, because my life turned out a lot better than the two girls I looked up to so much. They gave me confidence. If you could somehow find somebody to help you out with that, I think you would feel much better in those situations, if you want to learn how to do that that is. It's like anything else.

Say you want to learn to play the piano. Now sure, there are a very few people who sit down at a piano as a kid, never a lesson on their lives and just play it and play it GREAT. Very few. However, most other people are like that with social situations, where if it was a piano, most people would have to take lessons and practice. We have to practice and learn about social things like almost everybody else does a piano.

PaganMom