Man my Parents are Greedy

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OS2301
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22 Nov 2009, 8:10 pm

Well, I used to work at a fast food restaurant, but it was becoming too brutal, frustrating, and tiring. My friend with a fairly bad work ethic is also getting much more money than me, so I know for a fact that I'm getting gypped. I worked there for a year, part-time for the first half, and a more brutal 6 day workweek the other half.

I gave my two weeks notice, and all my parents think about is getting rent. I get my own groceries, I fund my own car insurance, and other necessities, and I am almost completely financially independent. They claimed that I was hoarding money, even though they know that I'm trying to save up for college. They're 'workaholics', they work nearly 72 hours a week, and are self-employed (meaning they're their own boss and don't have to worry about loosing their jobs because they get people to jobs for them.).

I rarely get to talk to them, and they never really care about the problems I try to discuss with them. They even ignore counselors from school and vocational, giving a much wider gap between me and them. During unemployment, I was hoping to get Financial Aid, and college aps straightened out since my job either let me leave in a dehydrated or mentally exhausted state. I am attempting to convince my parents, but I know for a fact that I can get another job, but my parents immediately doubt me, and ruin my self-confidence with their insulting sarcastic and sometimes just plain rude statements.

I try to isolate myself from them, and evade their negative comments, but I am completely cut-off from parental support when I do this. Should I just pack up and go and live in my car? Or try to convince them that I am doing the right thing by leaving this enslavement of a job?

I am mentally confused right now, and I could use some help.


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Aurore
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22 Nov 2009, 8:30 pm

*Cognitive hug* I would definitely keep trying to convince them letting go of the job is the right thing to do. (It certainly sounds like it is.)
Is there anyone else you could stay with while trying to get a new job?


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Polgara
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22 Nov 2009, 11:12 pm

They will not understand quitting a job. Maybe in another ten years, but not now. Don't even try, you'll just get more frustrated.

I would not normally suggest it, but in this case maybe going somewhere else would clarify things for them and for you. I would not recommend a car this time of year, but if you have a friend with a garage or basement? Either your parents will wake up and see that you are serious, or you will find out that they are going to be no help at all and can go forward from there. To me, the only excuse for demanding rent from you would be if, in exchange for consuming your college fund with rent, they were willing to pay for your college themselves. And that sounds unlikely.

I can understand their frustration and inability to understand why you quit; I also understand that your sanity comes first. It sounds like your parents are already considering you, at 18, a person who "should be" self-sufficient and ready to leave the nest, and treating you like the unemployed bum brother-in-law instead of like a child who, although grown, still needs their emotional support. I wonder if they are not having money troubles of their own they are not telling you about, which would color any money- or job-related issues they have with you. The economy right now is not exactly optimal; maybe there is a connection between that and why they spend so many hours working?



Tory_canuck
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23 Nov 2009, 12:01 am

Your parents do sound greedy.My parents never charged me rent when I lived with them before going to college.They did ask for help when they needed it when my dad got injured at work and couldnt work and make money, but I now live on my own and go to college.They help me when I need it just as I helped them.In my family, we helped each other out.We dont expect anything in return but usually they remember when I helped them and then they help me.


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GreenPele
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23 Nov 2009, 9:37 am

You know, I can sorta relate to this, because I have a Mom who tends to take the money I earn. Back when I had my part-time job I got paid like $50 a week (I worked one day a week), and my Mom would take it from me supposdly to pay bills and buy groceries, which I never had a problem with because I know bills are hard and I was happy to help, but I also get Social Security that I never see because she's in charge.

But the thing that bothers me is there will be a time every now and then when I want to buy one little thing for myself, like a video game (and I always buy used games since they're cheaper), and she would give me such attitude about it, or there would be times when I got money from other people like for birthdays and X-mas, and she would "hold on" to it for me and I would never see it again. I remember one time I wanted to save my X-mas money to buy something, but she used it to get our cats fixed and told me that was her "gift" to me, when I'm thinking "Well they're YOUR cats, and I don't even like animals and never wanted 7 cats and 4 dogs, and it was my money you used to buy this 'gift' for me". -_-


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OS2301
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23 Nov 2009, 9:09 pm

I have a very slim friend pool, but roommates does sound like a good idea. Some of my local friends do respect me as a person, even more-so than my parents. I just feel like my parents have disconnected me from their lives and can't even wait for me to move out. My mom sounds like she doesn't want me to move out, but it also sounds like she just wants a money opportunity too.

I can understand the economy though, but the holidays are right around the corner, and that would be a perfect job opportunity too (Holiday rushes and all that). Like I said, my mother spends the majority of her time at work, and i can rarely get in touch with her. I don't even bother with my stepfather, since the only thing he ever gave me in life was disrespect. My older-brother on the other hand is going to be coming up here to live soon, so maybe I can become roommates with him. I would like to help them around them house a bit, but I have a hard time taking queues and learning when they need something done. It's not like I leave a big mess lying around all the time, I have what I need in my room.



Tory_canuck
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24 Nov 2009, 2:44 am

GreenPele wrote:
You know, I can sorta relate to this, because I have a Mom who tends to take the money I earn. Back when I had my part-time job I got paid like $50 a week (I worked one day a week), and my Mom would take it from me supposdly to pay bills and buy groceries, which I never had a problem with because I know bills are hard and I was happy to help, but I also get Social Security that I never see because she's in charge.

But the thing that bothers me is there will be a time every now and then when I want to buy one little thing for myself, like a video game (and I always buy used games since they're cheaper), and she would give me such attitude about it, or there would be times when I got money from other people like for birthdays and X-mas, and she would "hold on" to it for me and I would never see it again. I remember one time I wanted to save my X-mas money to buy something, but she used it to get our cats fixed and told me that was her "gift" to me, when I'm thinking "Well they're YOUR cats, and I don't even like animals and never wanted 7 cats and 4 dogs, and it was my money you used to buy this 'gift' for me". -_-



You are 19, why is your mom still taking your money?Can you go to court and have that changed?In alberta, the public guardian and the public trustee have complaints offices.It might be the same in the US, I dont know.They can either get you your own place and give you support from their or they can audit your mom...and if it is found that she is stealing from you, they can get a court order against her and make it so you get your money OR you get your money and your own place.


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Honour over deciet, merit over luck, courage over popularity, duty over entitlement...dont let the cliques fool you for they have no honour...only superficial deceit.

ALBERTAN...and DAMN PROUD OF IT!!


Daniella
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24 Nov 2009, 8:21 am

I doubt they'd charge you because they're greedy, I think they have money enough. They're probably trying to learn you something. I know how you feel, my parents are doing the same. I can't take school or university (sensory issues) so I'm learning stuff out of books now and want to become a freelancer in webdevelopment. I already have a first assignment.

But my parents think it's not going fast enough, and that I'm lazy for sitting around the house all the time. They don't seem to realise I am actually working harder on my future than a lot of people do. I am reading loads and loads, learning loads and loads, faster than I would have learnt it at any university since I can leave out anything I don't need. Sometimes, when I'm feeling down for unclear reasons, I take a day off. This happens like what... once every two weeks? Not forcing myself to work when I'm down like that really benefits my overall happiness, which in turn makes me work faster on the days I do work because of my good mood. But oh no, it's probably just laziness...

My dad works fulltime, my mother works part-time, but she's also going to university besides it. They're hard workers and want me to be. I reckon I am a hard worker, they reckon I am lazy. My dad is threatening to kick me out if I don't have a "real" job (as he likes to call it) by the time I am twenty. But if I only have one assignment per month I am already earning a lot more money than I was when I was still working at a supermarket for about 10 hours per week (besides school).

On the greed thing, I have thought for ages that my parents were greedy. We had more than enough money, yet I never really got any expensive presents on birthdays and such. Not compared to most other kids anyway. It used to make me jealous, kind of, to know a classmate got a Nintendo or Playstation for his birthday - even though their parents weren't rich at all -, whilst I had to save up birthday money for three years in order to buy myself a Gameboy for my birthday, my parents paying about 33% of it.

But they don't do it because they're greedy. They do it to make me realise I will have to work in order to get something I want, which on itself is a good thing, but in my opinion they are taking it too far. Same with you. Try putting it this way: you are not stopping with working, you are merely finding a better job.



HH
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24 Nov 2009, 10:44 am

Move out if you can. Your parents are going to think that as long as they provide you with some resources, they should get to have some say in how you live your life. Right or wrong, that's pretty common.

The only way around it is to accept no resources from them. Then when they try to tell you how to live, you can simply shrug and tell them to mind their own business.