When NT-s hurt you by caring about you too much

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There was a case when someone was falsely accused of being Nazi criminal, but they would refuse to review his case because it is "too sensitive". In other words, they were afraid of somehow hurting him by talking about it, so they were trying to make things really nice and easy for him by not talking since it is "too sensitive". The only problem, of course, is that it would cost him life. So he was NOT too sensitive to be on a death row, that was just fine. But talking about it, well that is somehow too hurtful. You can read the details of this case here: http://www.davidduke.com/general/former ... more-14051

This is surprisingly similar to the way NT-s operate in other situations as well. For example, I read a post where a girl rejected a guy because she doesn't want to hurt HIM, never mind the fact that he claims that he is just fine while with her and what REALLY hurts him is her rejection (see this post http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt108492.html ). I know this is very different from death row case. But it is VERY similar in logic. In death row case THEY thought they hurt him by talking about it, even though he WANTED to talk. In rejection case SHE thought she would hurt him by being in a relationship with him, even though he WANTED to be in one. On the other hand, in death row case they did NOT care about hurting him by the death he had to face. Likewise in rejection case she did NOT care about him being hurt by rejection he had to face. So in both cases a person can be hurt on a name of sparing HIS feelings!

I encountered such situations myself as well. There were plenty of girls who rejected me on the basis that they thought *I* would not be totally comfortable dating them, even though I told them otherwise. And it extends far beyond dating. When I screwed my reputation in school, I was given a deadline that I should find an advisor by June 1, 2006, and I would be expelled if I won't. But no one wanted to be my advisor due to my bad reputation. However, that was not what I was told. They were saying that their research wasn't EXACT match of my interests, so they were overly worried about ME, that *I* would not be completely and totally happy. But AT THE SAME TIME they did not worry AT ALL about my facing EXPULSION. Being expelled is just fine; as long as I don't experience a slight inconvenience of doing something other than my exact interest.

Luckilly, I did find a retired professor who agreed to be my advisor, and few years later I successfully defended, proving them all wrong. But that was pure luck. If it wasn't for that one person, I would have been expelled, all in a name of making things convenient *FOR ME*.

There are yet other ways to illustrate this point. When I got into trouble for not taking showers, the chair of the theoretical physics group came to my office and asked me if *I* am okay. So they want to get me into trouble for *MY* not being okay. Again, they care so much about me that they want me to be in trouble. WOW.

She was probably lying. That is a standard line, "I don't want to hurt you." She most likely wasn't interested in him.

Step 1: Listen to the NT.

Step 2: Expect contradictions, dishonesty, and a total lack of cohesion.

Step 4: Happiness.

It's called 'sugar-coating' bad news, to make it more palatable to the listener and to prevent arguments.

Without it, the results would be the same; the girl would still have turned him down, the professors still would have refused to sponsor you. All they were doing was trying to soften the blow.

Like the dinosaurs, I need there non ivolvment to thrive

I had a friend who did a very stupid thing (and she is an NT no-less). I was dating this guy and it was getting to a point where things were starting to feel awkward and I was considering to end it (though neither of us havent talked at all about the awkwardness). Well my friend practically lived in the same house as him. So one night, I come over to the house only to find that guy was now with another girl. My friend said that she thought she didnt want me to know if a guy I was dating was now seeing another girl and she even told the guy to not even tell me that he wasnt interested in me anymore...and I thought: wow...that's gotta be stupid even for NTs. If a guy that I thought I was still dating is no longer interested in me, of course I'd want to know! Better that than having saw them together and feeling absolutely stupid and confunded (and having to learn from said friend what the hell was going on later). I guess this was a misunderstanding or misassumption by my friend about how I want these kind of situations I have with guys handled. I had been dumped by a guy prior and I was annoyed by the fact that whenever we hung out he was constantly reminded me that we were now just friends. The guy didnt have to remind me if I was in his presence the moment he dumped me. Somehow my friend had my feelings on the matter completely mixed up. But I'm thinking we're all college adults. Why would you tell a guy to NOT let someone know you're seeing someone else? Maybe she felt confident that I was no longer interested in him and didnt want me to go through the experience of a prior dumping but...whatever!

There's my example, sorry if it's not on topic with the OP's situation

They're just being polite. Some might even think they're actually doing it for you. What can you do about it? Not much. Is it all that bad? I don't know... it's a matter of reading in between the lines, something that's not a very easy thing to do.

Just assume that EVERY ACTION is based on emotions rather than logics, and try making things logical for you that way. If that makes any sense to you.