My grandparents found out

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You see I'm clinically depressed. Some days I'm happy and some days I feel like I have a hole in my soul. Now I cut to fill it. Last night Nana saw my hand and saw the cut marks. Then she and Grandad interrogated me. I shut down but then Grandad asked me again on the car and I couldn't do anything cus it was in the car so I told him. He says he feels better, I feel OK but I really did not want them knowing. He gave the were here for you speech and I'm expecting her to as well. Is it a good thing they know or should I have kept it hidden because I'd have preferred it to be kept hidden personally. So what do I do now?

Hello Zeek,

Does music help you? Have you tried listening to a really good song over and over until you are feeling better?

It's odd because music always cheers me up, I love it but when I'm depressed it just doesn't work. Even my favourite songs I love to sing to don't work. It may work if I were aloud to sing to it but I'm not aloud to go into my room to sing cus I wanna take my computer and I can't look up the lyrics unless I have my computer.

Also wanna add with the singing thing they found out and I asked if going to my room with the computer to sing would help, I still get a no! Apparently Grandad is paranoid I'll look at porn? Would I really look at it while I'm depressed. And anyway I just do it in the living room, they don't know.

It sounds like you don't like what your grandparents control and cutting is one thing you find you can control. As someone who had a totally freaky controlling parent, I sympathise. The way I found to freedom is to find bits that I could control.

If they're your favourite songs, then it's worth having a copy of the lyrics to take around with you, or keep in your room. Can you copy them out by hand, or print them out? This way, you control where you get to sing. They think they can control your access to porn, and you seem to have proved them wrong. They're currently controlling where you get to sing and vent, and you can prove them wrong again.

Yeah my grandparents are control freaks. Nana controls next to everything and Grandad does as he's told but he wants to prevent me having my computer in my room. I'm gonna bug him about it heaps. I even told him I watch porn out here once in a while just to spite him and shall continue to search for his motives. Hmm lyrics is hard because I listen to the radio and there's a bunch of different songs but cus they're 60's and 70's it's the same bunch so I learn the songs. I'll either print heaps of songs, end up convincing them to let me have it in my room or I'll just sing in the lounge and ignore them when they tell me not to. Thanks for the ideas guys, it's good to have people to bounce them off until I find an answer. I'm seeing a psychiatrist later today. I used to and am going back. Dunno who it's gonna be cus the lady I used to talk to left so it's gonna be a new person. Maybe they can convince my Grandad it's the right thing. Also you're right about me wanting some control over my life, I think that's why I always argue whenever they tell me to have a shower (well when it's the agreed time only sometimes but if they try and cheat me by sending me early I just ignore them)

EDIT: Here's the site. The main site is www.thecoast.net.nz and if you wanna listen to the music it's www.thecoast.net.nz/listenlive

Okay things may get better. I'm aloud the computer in my room now. I talked to a social worker and asked him to suggest to Grandad it may be a good idea when I'm depressed. He did and I'm now aloud it in my room. So things may get better and I'm going to see a psychologist next Monday. Thanks to all of you who posted.

That's great Zeek! Nothing is better than being able to jam out in privacy.