struggleing to cope with daily living

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Its really getting me down in the run up to christmas

I find it really hard to organise my money to pay the bills and cant really cope or deal with it. Its really tight with money and I cant get much for the kids or much food, frigging gas and electric is charging me £70 a month , I also have a £100 loan payment and £150 payment for my msc course, there is not much after that left, blooming water is taking £36 a month too!

I find it hard to cope with relentless amount of jobs around the house that need doing. I hate it when things come up that I dont useually do and I have to change my routine to accomodate them.

I dont like having to deal with the social workers etc that I have to interact with for my kids.

They are changeing my benefits soon and I cant cope with filling out new forms, its hard as when people see me they veiw me as quite competant and do not accept the difficulty I have with filling out forms or making phone calls.

I feel like moving in with my mother and getting her to look after me insted

As you're in the UK, you could contact the Citizens Advice Bureau, who can pass you on to their Legal Services advisors for help with filling out the benefit forms. I just got them to help me with my Disability Living Allowance review, and they were really helpful.

I have the same problem, that people assume I'm "intelligent" and therefore don't need help. Gradually over time I am wearing them down though, through sheer stubborn persistence. Do you have a community psychiatric nurse assigned to you? They could help with sorting out bills etc. You could ask a GP about this. Also you could ask for a community care assessment for yourself from social services and maybe have someone from there assigned to you to help. But if you don't really like interacting with "officials" coming into your home (and I know that feeling!), then maybe the Citizens Advice Bureau might know of a drop-in or over-the-phone advocacy service in your area that might share some of the burden with you as far as sorting out your money goes. Maybe your kids' social workers ought to be helping you with all of this... but I know it doesn't always work like that.

Just some ideas, but I hope your situation improves.

Thanks Robin Hood

I think I might try looking up a drop in place to see if they can help with the forms. The trouble with citizens advice is I hate haveing to talk on the phone, really hate it, and Im not any good on the phone and dont remember what people say and I consentrate so much on trying to follow what they are saying and sound normal that I end up not finding out what I want. Perhaps I will go into their drop in after xmas, I cant go in with my kids as they are too wild, I will have to get my mum to baby sit.

Its hard with the social workers as I dont like people coming in the house, and I find they nag me to fill in my own forms rather than fill them in for me, Ive said several times that I need help with this and phone calls but they be very funny about that and just imply that therefore I cant meet the kids needs. Its a tricky situation as Im frightened of looking incompetant to the SW incase they come more often or take the kids. They come every week as it is and really give me a thourough grilling. I think if I ask for an adult one it will make the kids SW more fierce with me.

Ive asked my mum to fill in some dla forms for the kids and I will probably end up getting her to do my benifit forms too. They are taking me off income support as my youngest child is 7 and putting me on job seekers, its very stressful on top of everything else. I dont want to go to interviews and be made to work in asda Im going to tell the jobcentre that I need an advocate to take me to sign on and to interviews as it might make them less fierce. Its ridiculous though as no one is going to want to hire me during a recession, why cant they just leave me in peace. And I heard from my friend that now the govt is talking about doing welfare for work scheme, its just horrid

I'm sorry I don't personally have any solutions for you, lotusblossom. I completely feel for your plight. Sometimes these types of things keep me so on edge I don't know how I'll survive them. Ill be thinking of you. Much luck and many good wishes through the trying times.

Peace.

Thanks Willard! your support means a lot to me

I wish everything was not so hard

I hope that things get better for you. I've been experiencing the same thing due to some personal stuff. Friendship troubles and related stuff.

you are doing a lot of it already, so you obviously are coping with it. sounds like you are doing a fine job for any parent - nt or aspie. how do you pay all those bills?

Thanks CockneyRebel

I hope things get better for you too!

I have been coping with it just, and just managing to keep things together by the skin of my teeth, but I am becoming less able to do so with each day and things are falling apart.

I pay the bills with my benefits and when I cant cover it I borrow money from my mum.

I dont like life any more and Ive writen many haven posts about that, I used to find meaning in life but for the last year I have not and have just been pushing myself on by digging deeper and trying so very hard, holding on to hope that things will get better. Now I dont think they will get better and Im pretty certain things are soon to get worse. I cant cope well with the social workers and they will persecute me more so if I let things start to slip apart.

Ive always felt that I was not for this world and never felt able to be here, I think my time is coming to an end soon and things will come to a head and make it over. I will keep trying my best untill then.

It sounds absolutely awful. I don't know how you keep going, and manage to organise and attend the monthly meet-ups in London aswell as look after your children, continue your Open University course, spend time with your boyfriend, and meditate on a daily basis ( I don't manage even half of that, and, most of the time, I don't have to worry much about bills either ).

The social workers sound horrible. The bills sound like a nightmare. I'm not surprised you feel overwhelmed and panicky and like giving up. I understand the fear about asking for more help in case your children are taken away from you.

What about taking a holiday? Leave your kids with your mother and go away for a week on your own or with your boyfriend? Take a break, have a rest? Go on one of those 10 day silent meditation retreats which only ask for a donation at the end.

And if the worst comes to the worst you could leave the children with your mother ( as you mentioned on another occasion ) for an indefinite period and basically drop out of the rat race/maze/wheel that you seem to be in, for a while. Less dreadful for everybody than a breakdown or suicide.

.

I cant have a holiday, as my mum works all the time, the only time she babysits is for the meet ups. I thought before about not doing the meet ups and having that evening a month to myself, but I thought its probably good for me to be round people and to make myself socialise.

Ive applied for respite and the SW said they will let me know when its sorted out, I think that will help a lot as I get no actual time on my own. The kids stay up till midnight pestering me for food and things and then all the chores start again in the morning so Im short of sleep and exhausted and need a break.

My eldest leonie has been offered a place at a specialist autism school after xmas to have a statement made, we will have to wait for the statement to find out if she can continue there. If they say she can carry on there, I think that will help a lot as they really focus on life skills, social skills and challenging behaviour. But if they say that when her statement is done that she has to go to a regular mainstream school I will pul her out again and home school her as she could not cope with regular senior school.

Any way if it gets so I have 9-3 free from her and just have Dani to home school it will make things much easier. I enquired with the ed psych about schools for Dani but they sounded really crap and so I dont think we will go there, the home school scene is very active and nice in MK so Im hopeful that going to stuff will go better with just one of them, as singularly they are just that much easier to deal with.

And now the toilets bust so Im going to have to call a plumber out and I dont want to call them or have them in the house but nor do I want a bust loo, gah, why does everything suck so

I have a friend who unfortunately has also met up with social workers.
They do like telling you where you're going wrong and writing reports, but not actually helping.
So now, when she is introduced to new ones, she beams at them, tells them how happy she is to be getting help, and then presents them with a list of things that are needed. Sensible things, like baby stair guards, fire screens, etc, that they can't complain about her wanting.

Then she watches them run, knowing that she will never get any of those things, or any help, but also knowing that these particular ones are going to do their best to stay away from her because she's actually asked them for sensible things that they're going to have a hard time refusing, and that would mean them actually doing something!

yes I have similar experience to your friend, unfortunately when I have tried this tactic they have just 'go on' at me until I got the window locks etc telling me I was putting the kids at risk for not having already got them when I asked for help with DLA forms they just kept 'going on' at me that I had to fill them in but refusing to fill them in for me I did have ones that were supposed to be teaching me parenting but I kinda freeked at them and begged my case worker tearfully not to make me have to have them any more and she backed down on that, so that is much better than a couple of weeks ago.

The social workers camhs et al had a case meeting today about me and the social worker says they are thinking of raiseing it to a child protection case. They are all concerned about my parenting

I try so hard with everything but it is never good enough, Im always found inadequate.

I got my life science course results today aswell and i did not do as well as I was expecting and Im destroyed and gutted, that was the only thing that was making me feel good about myself and now Ive lost that too.

I just dont know how Im going to keep going, its just all falling apart, one thing at a time.

I wished I topped myself a couple of years ago as then I would not of had to go through all this, the social workers are now going to intensify and I cant see how any of it can improve.

Have you got a formal diagnosis of ASD/autism or an advocate?

yes I have a formal diagnosis, but it doesnt help. I hired an advocate 9 months ago but she made a child protection report on me 5 months ago so I stoped hiring her I would not trust one again.