Goodbye MJ

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I've been a chronic pot smoker for about 3 or 4 years now. It started off slow, but then in college it really took off. I managed to graduate in the top of my class, get all of my assignments done, pass all my tests and all of that so I always told myself I had no reason to quit.

However I cant remember how many times I've put something off because I was stoned. Did a sloppy job because I was stoned. Or didnt do it at all because I was stoned. I've become lathargic, lost my desires, lost my ambition. This isnt the first time I've evaluated the situation and told myself it was time to say goodbye.

However the problem has always been that I could not get myself to quit, rather only to take breaks. I've had a few big breaks, often from 1-3 months. However once I get down to a comfortable usage, I fall off the wagon and end up smoking 24/7 again. Yesterday I got high on my lunch break, came back to work (actually got lots of work done, and did a good job of it too). But then I got home and was burnt out. Didnt get anything done last night that needed to be done, just kept smoking bowls with my roommate and waiting for the World of Warcraft servers to come back up (how sad is that).

When it came time for bed I laid there for hours, too stoned to sleep. Couldnt help but think the time had come to stop. So I got up, hid my pipe, hid my weed. Hoped I wouldnt remember where I put it. But I know exactly where it is, and all it will take is one moment of boredom or one ounce of stress before I hit the stash.

I dont know why I love the stuff so much. It makes me even more antisocial than I normally am. It makes me tired. Makes me dumb and forgetful... Sometimes I swear the reason I smoke it is to dumb myself down so that I can actually tolerate people.

I know its not pysically addictive, but it is pschologically. Every time I've been on a break I've let out a big sigh as 4:20 passes. Doesnt feel right not to have a bowl in my hand. Certain friends I cant hang out w/ and not have the extreme desire to smoke weed. Thats just what we do. Our friendship is based on nothing other than weed.

Has anyone here quit before? Can you offer any advice or moral support? I want to go back to remembering every minute detail about everything. I want to shed the stoner image I seemed to have picked up among my peers. I want to quite spending so much fricken money on buds. Most of all I want to make it thru a day w/o thinking I need something in order to make sense of everyone and everything else (that isnt math or computers).

That is a good accomplishment, to stop.

I quit years ago, including alcohol,speed,downers and cigarettes. Needed a replacement for those things, and had to face the reason why they were such a part of me in the first place. Anyone can quit,anyone can detox, one of my sisters has done it many times. The problem is facing the whys behind the addictions, I was fortunate that I wasn't addicted physically, but would have been had I had not stopped. She and another sister are alcoholics. But I know why they can't stop and won't post here as to why. I will tell you this, the only difference between them and me is that I found Christ, who gave me the strength to face my demons, and I was able to surround myself with people who were healthy mentally enough to be a support to me, so I WOULD NEVER point a finger at my sisters, because I get it. But you need to get help, you obviously can't stop yourself. Your Doctor can give you info on where to go, because there are many people in your situation and there are groups out there that work with MJ addicts. Or hit the websites and see what you can find. Good luck to you.

lol, I'm not about to turn myself into a rehab center. We're talking about cannabis, not crack cocaine or meth. My friends, and my family are all stoners themselves, so I can expect much help from them.

However I have a new woman in my life who is eager to spend lots of time with me. Funny thing is, when I'm with her - I dont need to be stoned. Its the only time I feel like being just me is the right thing to be.

I never said to turn yourself into a rehab center...I never went to one. There are support groups out there so I was suggesting one of them.