sinsboldly wrote:
oh! and remember, when a woman comes to you with a problem, she isn't immediately interested in how it can be FIXED, necessarily. She wants to chew it over for a while, explore her feelings about it and discuss those feelings. THIS MAKES HER FEEL BETTER about it. Then, when that is all out of her system, she will be receptive to things that can repair or replace what was bothering her in the first place.
Wow <blinks>! This is great advice; I've had this EXACT concept spelled out to me before! I was always trying to "fix" things when the solution was to let them "vent" and then sympathize.
Her: Professor NameRemoved is never making the deadlines for this publication that we are supposed to have out in one week! It's so frustrating.
Me: <thinking of ways to get even with the professor, thinking of ways to snub the professor, thinking of ways to subtly prod the professor> Have you tried X? Have you tried Y? Have you tried Z? Maybe I should go down there and have a talk with the professor...
Her: Will you STOP trying to fix things all the time? Sometimes I just want you to listen to me and sympathize!
Me: Oh...
Over the years, you can get this kind of sympathizing down to a science: Wait just this long, give hug for that long, do this if she starts crying, when it is over bring her a fine Lindt Lindor(TM) chocolate ball, etc. It takes very little effort and can fill your partner's emotional needs. Find out AFTERWARDS if they want something fixed.
Gah, I feel somewhat horrible being so analytical about something so emotion-packed.