Totally Aspie moment at the doctors...

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Feeling a bit overly sensative, so I thought I'd post this here and try and find some acceptance from today's doctors exam. It was one of those full check up things where the nurse did most of the work and the doctor came in at the end to sign off on everything needed. I'd waited three months to see this particular doc because he has an Aspie in his family, and he's a pretty good doctor too. As the doctor was going through the list, I noticed that the nurse had written 'Aspergers Disorder'.

In retrospect, I find it quite ironic that my reaction would have been probably perceived as a disorder if it wasn't driven through Aspergers Syndrome. Of course I corrected her, and kept going in a loop because no one responded. It was like my brain was stuck on trying to describe why this isn't a disorder, but rather a difference. The doctor finally interrupted me and informed me that he has a grandson who has Aspergers so I should keep trying to inform him. Lucky I comprehended the sarcasm and was relieved to have been kicked out of my brain loop, but still felt compelled to then say that I was just trying to explain it to the nurse. He was okay with that...I think...I have no idea really, but my partner said he was fine and understood.

It's only now, after being diagnosed Aspie, that I'm realising why people have such bad reactions to my correcting them. I don't get an ego boost out of it, but so many do in that situation that my intent is lost in translation and people treat me like I'm being arrogant or overstepping boundaries. It just irritates my brain when something's incorrect. My spelling is terrible, I try with grammar, but things like 'Aspergers Disorder' niggle so badly I'm verbally correcting the person before I even realise I'm doing it. I have to keep such a rein on my mouth and be quite repressed not to do these things, and when I'm near meltdown it's impossible.

I guess I'm all worked up over it because I had so many expectations leading up to this appointment, finding out he knows about Aspergers seemed like a lifeline as I'm always at a loss to have fluid and easy communication with doctors, well, with most people, I just get all screwed up trying to say what I'm there for. I didn't take into account that I wouldn't know if he understood even if he does...if that makes sense. That whole lack of theory of mind dealy, at forty, I'm sick to death of it some days and just yearn to be understood by someone.

Does anyone relate to this obscessive churning after an incident like this and how do you deal with it?
Thanks in advance for understanding *group hugs*

oh yes..I can relate to the obsessive churning...all I can say is will end up having to churn itself out...even though I have a mental file of incidents that i may access at any time to dwell upon if I allow myself....
I think it was slightly insensitive of the doctor to use sarcasm, and he should train his nurses to be more sensitive. I see examples here of NT non-empathy....Don't allow it steal too much of your head space if you can...though I know it may be difficult to help.
Cheers!

I understand the cringe at the concept of a 'disorder', but Asperger Syndrome is in fact referred to as a disorder by clinical Mental Health professionals all the time. My formal diagnosis literally states "Asperger's Disorder". Until I was handed the official paperwork, I'd not heard it described that way, but that's what the diagnosing psychologist called it and I've run across the term many times since then. It's a disorder. That's why it's a handicap and not merely an inert 'condition.'

But the more times you say 'disorder' in rapid succession, the more absurd and meaningless it sounds. DI sorder...da sorter...dissor dhur...disser der...


Uhm, see, I gots dis-order...an' I dunno what ta do wid it...

Unless you tell someone a rude name or the likes, you have nothing to be sorry about, in my oppinion. Everyone does it to a degree. I know I do.

Thank you PoopyLungStuffing, Willard (you crack me up) and LiendaBalla so much for understanding I'm feeling less churning this morning, especially after I read your replies.

I guess my issues with the term 'disorder' are pedantic and come from a judgemental place, but I think it's these things that churn Aspies up so much, it seems like a kind of injustice. From my understanding, Aspergers is a syndrome, made up of different disorders, it is part of a larger spectrum and can't be put down to one specific cause. Although it causes disorder, to call the condition a disorder is misleading. Each of us have our own set of circumstances, although they are common enough to be all put under the banner of Aspergers/Autism Spectrum, the fact that the condition varies so much to become inconsistant, it becomes what's known as a 'syndrome'.

That's the pedantism out of the way...onto personal judgements...

From my understanding, Autism is simply the 'normal' human stripped of some brain functions. We don't have the same social games as 'normal' people and cognate reality in a very different manner, low latent/high latent inhibition and synesthesia usually being the main causes of the deviation. In my case, my responses to reality's incredible intensity has caused me to feel very detatched from it, to the stage that I only know me, everything else is a mystery. Sure, I can refer to what I've been educated with, but the incredible variences and endless probabilities force me into the 'now' and make me question what I know. Through this, I've got very little idea of what ego and narcissism is. I don't play the 'you stroke my ego, I'll stroke yours' interactions because I just deal in what's genuine to me. The only reason I can understand to explain is because I've spent years educating myself in the subjects, but emotionally, I have no idea what the world is up to with this game. To me, the way most of this social banter operates is the disorder, to need someone to reaffirm who you are constantly is just crazy! To me, what is important is understanding the constant morphing nature of 'fact' to know what the truth is, not proving how right you are! There's a huge essay in this, so I'll stop, but from what I've studied it's not the autistics with the disorder, it's the people who can't accept we think differently and aren't 'disordered'...in my eyes, they are disordered!

Basically, I was peed off because I work SO damn hard to be 'ordered' and find that my Aspie mind actually helps this, after all, aren't the higher functioning Aspies the ones who become scientists because they have the ability to seperate reality from their ego and care about what is outside of them? To me, this negates as much of the observer effect as we can and constitutes sound Socratic like practise, not whatever we want to use to prove our intelligence.

I hope that makes sense as to why I'm so *argh!* on this one! Thanks again everyone for listening to my rant

I don't care for the word "disorder" but they have down Asperger's Syndrome" in the computer system at the doctor's office about me in the list of problems I have. They have not taken out Depression and Anorexia and I am over those. I never had anorexia. I just have an eating disorder.

Thanks Spokane Girl I also have a kind of eating disorder...but it's not anorexia or anything like that, I love food too much and have just been lucky with my weight so have never really thought about food that way. Just sometimes I can't eat *shrugs*.

I'll fully admit to PTSD, anxiety and depression, all three are already on my records (along with a collagen disorder Ehlers Danlos Syndrome - which you are more likely to be autistic with). Yet, these three have been SO much better since my Aspergers diagnosis as I realise more of my own psyche. I think the complete offence came because I had just finished telling the nurse that my last psyche, before my Aspie diagnosis, wanted to put me in residential care to deal with my PTSD issues...I'd basically bamboozled her because of Aspergers. Discovering my emotions are simplistic and anything more becomes a psychosomatic issue, or a total blank, has given me the freedom to know that I'll never understand what's happened to me. I can intellectualise the issues all I like, I've studied psyche until I'm blue in the face, it still never reaches emotional cognition. That's okay, now I can rest with that and just deal instead of trying to please everyone else's view of what I should be doing. I also know now why people act the way they do to me, why social situations are a nightmare, and talking to NTs I'm close to, they actually agree with me that I'm not crazy, it's society that's lost the plot.