Death of an old friend..difficulty processing...

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I have been having difficulty processing the fact that an old friend...a guy who I saw around often, and who I dated for a few months in 2001...passed away on Christmas Eve.
He was in a band that was supposed to play with my band last night, at a Christmas show at another venue...Years ago, when we dated, we were in a band together for a little while

I have been trying to "feel" it..but I haven't been able to yet...except for a few moments...

I have a really hard time registering and processing death...I am not sure what I am supposed to feel.

He had been on a sorta downward spiral for some time...he was a really heavy drinker and such...He had been looking bad for a while...his death was sorta an accidental drug/alcohol related thing....

He was the person I made my first sock monkey for, which caused me to become obsessed and eventually make 100's...Making sock monkeys is what caused Flakey to become fixated on me and that was a catalyst for our Super Happy FUn Land....

We'd stayed friends and the band we were in evolved into a 2-piece band with his ex-longtime girlfriend (who was in the band I was in) called the Krinkles...

And that was who was supposed to play on christmas night...but he died on christmas eve...

I can understand what is going on. I recently had a very good friend commit suicide, and I have had the same issues with processing it.

Whatever you feel and however you feel it is fine because it's the right way for you. Same for the time it takes to grieve. Everyone handles death differently and in a personal way so whatever you go through will be the right way for you.

I don't think there's any "right" way to process it. You valued him, that much is clear. Think of it as a moment of respectful silence. I seem detached when I hear of a death too, but I'm actually thinking very much about the person and their life.

Yeah...he sorta was....
he was certainly a catalyst...

I feel bad because I saw him a few days before he died, and I was in a bad mood and wasn't able to say much to him...He returned a book I'd lent him....

Over the years, I'd become the same anti-social self towards him that I am towards everybody else, and it was only once in a while that I was ever actually able to talk to him for more than a few sentences....

After his death, it appears that the 2 people closest to him...his brother and his ex-girlfriend/longtime musical partner....left town for a bit...so funeral/memorial arrangements are up in the air....

We might have a memorial for him here at SHFL...

My condolences.

thanks...

I think I have a sort of stunted ability to understand death...I find it really hard to think of anyone as dead...or if I do, it takes a really long time....