I just want to live my life.

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Uhh if only I could just live my life without being pre-occupied with worrying about what family members will think specifically my mom. When I was a kid i was even afraid to ask her to go over to any friends houses(not that i ususually had friends), because I was certain she would find some reason why she dispapproved or why I did not deserve to go to anyones house for instance. Now I am 22 and I still find myself consumed with worrying about what she thinks.

It really interferes with my ability to enjoy life, and I wish I could find a way to make myself confront that maybe she would not like the person I really am and would dissapprove and be angry about my lifestyle......and just deal with it accordingly instead of worrying about how to keep things from her or what she will do if she finds out about things. Naturally this is not all I get self concious about, even in general around other people I tend to kinda worry about what's thought of me but I don't want to.

Drinking helps me not worry, while I'm drunk but it all comes back once the alcohol wears off......so does anyone have any advice on how I can get past this, I feel like my life would be better if I could.

I have the same problem right now, and the only solution I can come up with is to run away. It probably won't work, since I have a hard time with job interviews, but I'd rather do that than continue to live a life not fit for living. I'm excited since this is the next part of my life. I am scared too, but I know that being excited is a better attitude, plus I'm actually kind of happy since I no longer care what my mother thinks.

Could it be possible that you just need a serious one on one conversation with your mom? you're 22 so she shouldn't have any say in your life and maybe you have to hear it come out of her mouth?

Sweetleaf, I'm assuming you're living with your mother, and are financially dependent upon her. If so, she is well within her rights to set rules in her own home. If possible, become self-supporting--most important, living on your own. If this is possible, the distance will allow for some perspective, and for the realization that you have the same right to set the rules in your home as she does in hers. If this isn't possible, all I can tell you is to see her unreasonable expectations as something you have to put up with, the same as you would have to put up with a job. If you'd rather put up with a boss than her, go seek employment--and independence.

Nope I am not financially dependent on her, she is letting me stay at her house....I have other places I could go if need be actually, so its not even an issue of needing her to provide me a place to live or anything. I just know I would feel quite bad if we went our seperate ways on bad terms but I'm sure I would get over it...I have just spent so long to avoid that possible outcome.

Right now I just quit college and I don't have a job, so I can't very well go rent an apartment or anything....and I am not sure the middle of the winter after the holidays is a good time to find work, especially considering there are quite a few jobs I am not fit for already. But yeah I will have to figure out some way of making income pretty soon here probably though there is no garantee I will find anything. Not to mention I seem to fail at keeping a job for a decent amount of time.....but one of the main problems in my life is my mom and I simply contrast too much I can hardly talk to her about anything without having to worry about her getting mad and it makes me feel stupid because as a 22 year old it should not matter so much to me. So just sitting here living the way she wants me to live is certainly not going to help me feel any better......hell its hard enough just faking it around her let alone actually not doing anything she would dislike. I have been putting up with her manipulative crap my whole life and I should just take more crap and put on a fake smile for the rest of my life? simply because I'm too much of a failure to hold a job. I don't think I could handle that and would probably have to off myself if I figured that was my only option in life.

I probably do its just very likely if I say everything I would like to say to her the conversation will end in me being kicked out of the house and not being too welcome to visit.....so obviously I kind of have to make some plans as to where I will stay, what I'll do with my stuff and coping strategies for the emotional pain I would feel if worst comes to worst.

I go through the same thing with my mother, and I can totally understand the hold she has on you. It's hard to shake off being raised a certain way by our mothers, and we trusted them. I know I always looked up to my mother, growing up. She was always the strong one and I was always the weak one. As an adult I've had to realize that I was mistaken and it cost me a lot of pain and suffering.

I'm in my late 20's, still living with her, and my mother hasn't changed much and it's pointless to expect her to. Life has humbled her a lot but she still treats me like I can't do anything for myself. I'm also preparing myself mentally for trying to detach from her and have my independence. It's not just about running away, it's leaving behind a huge part of the identity I've had my whole life. It's my goal to completely detach and her having hardly any effect on me before I even move out. That way once I'm gone, she won't have that hold on me. And so far, it's working.

The only thing I can suggest is to try to detach from her mentally, as much as possible. Once you're able to recognize her behavior for what it is --dysfunctional and that it hardly has anything to do with you-- you'll be easier to shake off her influence on your emotions. You have done nothing to deserve being treated that way. It takes a lot of analyzing and also finding an outlet for the emotions, preferably not with her. The most important thing is to not to engage her, because it'll only suck you back into the vortex.

Yeah thats true.....and part of it is I don't feel very confident that I would for sure be able to totally depend on myself, so possibly being cut off from one source of support is kind of a hard thing to think about. But its a risk I have to take. Also, I am trying very hard not to be dragged down into the deepest depths of depression.....because i would prefer not to off myself before I've even had a chance to actually live life.